22 and lost
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 1
22 and lost
Hello everyone,
I'm going to attend an al-anon meeting here in Austin this afternoon with a friend of mine that had a father that abused alcohol. I had a brother that began drinking heavily and doing hardcore drugs by the time he reached high school. I am 2 years younger. So, starting 7th grade (I'm 22 now), I had to deal with everything that he brought upon my family. The situation continued to worsen for the rest of his and my grade school years. 5 times in rehab, and 2 short-term jail stay later he decided to enter into Narcotics Anonymous - he was 20 years old, I was 18. I moved out of my house in the small town I was from and moved here to Austin, TX so thereafter. I distanced myself from him and his recovery because I didn't want to care or deal with him anymore. I only see him on holidays with my family, but I know I've never gained any closure from the situation.
From all the years growing up in that household, trying to make sure everyone is happy and nobody is fighting, I see myself continuing to be that way in my everyday life. The positive aspect of it all is that I can gain and retain many friends fairly easily, but when it came to a relationship with my now ex-boyfriend of 2 years.. everything felt out of control. He is not an addict, that's the only difference. I felt like I was always doing everything that I could to make him happy, buy him things, tell him that I love him (and not receiving any response, but just a thank you). I never felt loved, I never felt appreciated, I was so unhappy for so long but I just let it perpetuate. Why did I do that to myself? I tried breaking up with him 3 times, but we somehow always got back together because I felt so sorry for breaking his little heart and so guilty at the same time. What would everyone else think of me? Will everyone think I'm an *******? Will I ever be able to find someone that will treat me like I deserve to be treated? Will this be just another time that we break up and get back together? I am so confused with myself and I'm not fully aware of how my childhood has affected my everyday life. I don't know what to do, how do I keep him away? I forgot to mention that we live in the same apartment complex as eachother, 2 buildings apart. I see his truck everyday, I run into him at the mailbox. I don't know how to tell him that we are no longer, and will never be again. Why does this hurt me so much, am I making the right decision or am I just doing to him what I did to my brother?
Kyle L:wtf2
I'm going to attend an al-anon meeting here in Austin this afternoon with a friend of mine that had a father that abused alcohol. I had a brother that began drinking heavily and doing hardcore drugs by the time he reached high school. I am 2 years younger. So, starting 7th grade (I'm 22 now), I had to deal with everything that he brought upon my family. The situation continued to worsen for the rest of his and my grade school years. 5 times in rehab, and 2 short-term jail stay later he decided to enter into Narcotics Anonymous - he was 20 years old, I was 18. I moved out of my house in the small town I was from and moved here to Austin, TX so thereafter. I distanced myself from him and his recovery because I didn't want to care or deal with him anymore. I only see him on holidays with my family, but I know I've never gained any closure from the situation.
From all the years growing up in that household, trying to make sure everyone is happy and nobody is fighting, I see myself continuing to be that way in my everyday life. The positive aspect of it all is that I can gain and retain many friends fairly easily, but when it came to a relationship with my now ex-boyfriend of 2 years.. everything felt out of control. He is not an addict, that's the only difference. I felt like I was always doing everything that I could to make him happy, buy him things, tell him that I love him (and not receiving any response, but just a thank you). I never felt loved, I never felt appreciated, I was so unhappy for so long but I just let it perpetuate. Why did I do that to myself? I tried breaking up with him 3 times, but we somehow always got back together because I felt so sorry for breaking his little heart and so guilty at the same time. What would everyone else think of me? Will everyone think I'm an *******? Will I ever be able to find someone that will treat me like I deserve to be treated? Will this be just another time that we break up and get back together? I am so confused with myself and I'm not fully aware of how my childhood has affected my everyday life. I don't know what to do, how do I keep him away? I forgot to mention that we live in the same apartment complex as eachother, 2 buildings apart. I see his truck everyday, I run into him at the mailbox. I don't know how to tell him that we are no longer, and will never be again. Why does this hurt me so much, am I making the right decision or am I just doing to him what I did to my brother?
Kyle L:wtf2
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
((kl))
Ahhhh, the good child. The one that sits back and tries to make everyone happy, while the child that acts up and gets in constant trouble, seems to monopolize the whole family. You've seen all the pain, you have experienced it, so now it is hard for you to hurt anyone, you will accept the pain on yourself rather than see anyone hurt any more, you will stay in a unconfortable situation, just so the boat doesn't get rocked, and you walk around on egg shells trying to make every one elses world happy, even at the expense of your own happiness.
Does any of this sound familiar? It has a lot of makings for co-dependancy. You recognize that, which is a very good thing. It means you have taken a step toward self discovery and in the process, healing.
You can never find happiness with anyone until you find happiness in yourself. Sometimes that means facing your childhood and comming to terms with it, sometimes it means learning to put yourself first, it's not as easy as it may sound.
You are on the right path, keep putting one foot in front of the other, read, learn and explore your thoughts and feelings, and remind yourself every day that you are only responsible for you own happiness, no one elses.
Hugs and Prayers
B
Ahhhh, the good child. The one that sits back and tries to make everyone happy, while the child that acts up and gets in constant trouble, seems to monopolize the whole family. You've seen all the pain, you have experienced it, so now it is hard for you to hurt anyone, you will accept the pain on yourself rather than see anyone hurt any more, you will stay in a unconfortable situation, just so the boat doesn't get rocked, and you walk around on egg shells trying to make every one elses world happy, even at the expense of your own happiness.
Does any of this sound familiar? It has a lot of makings for co-dependancy. You recognize that, which is a very good thing. It means you have taken a step toward self discovery and in the process, healing.
You can never find happiness with anyone until you find happiness in yourself. Sometimes that means facing your childhood and comming to terms with it, sometimes it means learning to put yourself first, it's not as easy as it may sound.
You are on the right path, keep putting one foot in front of the other, read, learn and explore your thoughts and feelings, and remind yourself every day that you are only responsible for you own happiness, no one elses.
Hugs and Prayers
B
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