hbb

Hello everyone!

Hope everyone had a great 4th of July

Little history, J (exA) broke up with me on the 4th last year so i was damned to have a crappy one this year!!! I've been seeing this guy for the past 5 weeks or so that I met on a dating site!

So things were going good, slow and "normal"! He did live about 45 minutes away which stunk but oh well, i'm learning to trust again!! SO a couple of things happened along the way but i gave the benefit of the doubt. Like he invited me to his cousins wedding but then it was in a few days and the seating arrangement was all done....ok, fine! BUT i did take the day off to spend with him but that didn't work out and he had stuff to do so the me before would have followed him around but this time i went to the beach instead with my mum.

Anyways, he started making excuses not to see me when he could which is weird in itself as a new dating situation is usually the best and you want to see each other alot and he tended to be overly nice and caring and said the nicest things to me!

Anyways, he asked me to go to his dad's house for the 4th this past Monday. So i told him yes, that sounded fun BUT let me know for sure cause i wanted a back up plan!! So Tuesday night he left me a message saying he would call me after work and that we were on for the 4th, that i would go down Thursday night and go Fri. to his dads. WELL i have yet to hear a word from him since that message TUESDAY! And Monday he was a bit shady on the phone, sounded like i heard a knock at the door when i was talking to him!

My point is that they come in all shapes, sizes, A's or not, a jerk is a jerk
My A was a jerk and this one was too! Which it's too bad because we had alot in common.

The kicker in all of this is he's a car salesman and not to stereo-type but he knew EXACTLY what to say, just like my exA. And it's killing me to be the bigger person here and not contact him .....

OY.....You just can't win!!!!!

Hope all is well with everyone

FormerDoormat

I think you handled the situation just right, HBB. You didn't set out to look for red flags, you gave him a chance, let the relationship develop naturally, then decided for yourself what you will or will not tolerate early on. Early enough that it isn't a heartwrenching decision to end the relationship, but not too late that now you're thinking with your heart instead of your head.

I hope you had a great holiday and spent the day with people who really want to be with you.

atalose

I think it’s great you are being the bigger person here, keep being the bigger person and don’t contact him. Be lucky you only invested 5 weeks into this guy. Be great full you see him for exactly who he is today because his today’s are a good prediction of his tomorrows.

I am not a big fan of dating sites, maybe it’s my age or generation but I hear more horror stories then I hear of happy endings.

Do yourself a favor and don’t call that man and keep yourself from answering any of his calls.

Mair

Hi Heather,
Sorry to hear this. But happy that youve seen him for what he is a JERK.

5 weeks is a short time to be inviting you to stay with his father IMO. He sounds like a real charmer.

Push the reject button, and move on to better things. Mr Right is there and worth waiting for (I hope)!!!!

Nice to hear from you, and i love your quote.

"Happiness often comes through doors you didn't even know you left open."

Mair xxx

ARealLady

Mair's right, Heather....5 weeks is too short for extending those kinds of invitations.

Trust in who you are and trust your gut about people. Realize your potential as a person (there's a great active thread about that on this board right now) and it looks to me as if you are making yourself number one!

I am being very wary about dating again. Thought I had met a man with good friendship potential but three dates with him and then absolute silence....and that was 6 weeks ago. Yes, I was tempted to ask him what that was all about but I couldn't be bothered. And he was the one looking for honesty and a person who was prepared to work at a relationship. I think that what might have scared him away (lol) was the new stronger me which has emerged since breaking off with XABF.

Hang in there!

ARL

hbb

I agree with the fact that you guys said about it being too soon. That's why i specifically asked him about an alternate plan!! A little more history, he was married at 24, divorced at 27. Engaged a few years later and called off the wedding 6 weeks before the wedding. He's the screwed up one. Not to mention that his parents were married 3 times each!!! I know it's not me The weirdest thing ever is that we have the exact same b-day, 2 years apart! Weird i thought, but not a reason to pursue a jerk lol!!!!

I for the first time feel comfortable in my own skin and know it's his loss. I live a good, healthy, honest life and someday i'll find that match!! Thanks again! I love you guys and know this is the place i can come and people truly know where i'm coming from!

Bernadette

Hey HBB!
Wow you sound so clear-headed and strong! I agree, you didn't overreact early, but when the red flags were waving you didn't ignore them either. Seems like you were very present, in the moment, and stayed rational instead of emotional...all this will serve you well if you continue your adventures in dating!!!!
(((hugs)))
B.

hbb

I'm not going to lie at all, it's KILLING me not to fire off a vmail or text to him as i'm so mad! Although i keep telling myself that karma works wonders and he's obviously screwed up more than i've learned of him in 5 weeks. I think i'm so guarded that i will not go through the process again of thinking they will change because they don't!!!

LaTeeDa

Oh, Heather, you don't have to go off on him. Give it time. He will likely contact you again all sweet and apologetic, hoping to pick up where he left off. THEN you get to nicely tell him how you have moved on........

Wait for it. The opportunity to take the high road will come.

L

hbb

And i will LTD lol!! He let me borrow his $100 bat for softball he'll have to come fetch it if he wants it back!! Funny thing is, he's been on my dating profile within a day or so! Maybe it wasn't such a good choice for him to be so quick to make, and that's the thing i don't get! He could have been honest and dated in general, no commitment but instead he dropped me like a bad habit for no reason! Oh well! I'm sure there will be some story or drama coming from him :chatter

FormerDoormat

There will only be drama if you invite it into your life, HBB. Holding on to his bat and making him come and get it is an invitation for drama. Mailing it to him without enclosing a note is my idea of taking the high road. Just a suggestion. Take it or leave it.

hbb

Oh i know, i hate drama! Maybe it will be a consolation prize for him being a loser and blowing me off I've over it, he's a true jerk and I'm glad to know now so early on.

hbb

I know this may seem petty and small but it felt good (well kinda). I deleted him from my myspace this morning. I know there shouldn't even be a question, as unacceptable behavior is not ok with me anymore. I'm not going to lie, it was that last little tiny tie with him. Actually shocked at myself for doing it! My friends think it's so small and not a big deal but being a codie and people pleaser for SO long, it's huge for me. Still a bit bummed out but i truly know this is how he will probably always life his life, floating around and leading women on....thanks for listening as it is off topic from alcohol....

Kindeyes

Heather
I don't think this is off topic at all! I think it's very relevant! This is dealing with YOU and how you are handling moving on! I don't think it gets more relevant than that!

You dodged a bullet with that one. You recognized it early without being overly suspicious. You laid out your boundries beautifully to him. You had a "plan B" in place. I agree with FDM.....mail him the bat and that will be that. There's lots of nice fish out there.......there's no reason to settle for a baracuda.

Man.........that's all great stuff!!!!

hbb

Thanks Kindeyes! I know, but it's weird i am kinda bummed about it now! I think i'm more bummed that for some people it's so easy to treat them poorly. See my problem is that i always put myself in that situation and could i EVER treat someone like that....NO. So it's hard to understand why it's so easy for someone else to do it. Just makes me question so much and it turns me off to others and meeting new people. Oh well, i'll just keep moving along

LaTeeDa

The world is full of inconsiderate, unkind people. It's also full of considerate, loving people. By getting yourself healthy, you are more and more likely to attract the considerate, loving sort. And also, as you have found, more likely to recognize the inconsiderate, unkind sort long before you become seriously involved with them.

Give yourself a pat on the back, Heather. It would be great if all people were good and trustworthy, but it's just not so. The best we can do is be alert and aware.

L

hbb

Thanks LTD, your right, sometimes i surprise myself. Stuff i would have ignored and would have accepted and thought would change doesn't even enter the equation anymore! With this guy, he said the nicest, most sincere things but then his actions didn't follow the words so i knew he was blowing smoke!

He probably does it with all the ladies!! The thing i don't get is, we met on a dating site, that's what it is, a dating site so if he was going on a date with someone else then so be it! He didn't owe me anything, other than being truthful. He didn't have to ignore and blow me off like that cause now he completely ruined any chance of going out again.