jodyjody

I went to another meeting last night. I really liked it. But today I am craving and obsessing about pills. I feel so blah, don't want to do anything. There are no meetings until tonight at 7:00...6 hours of this is going to suck.
If I were an alcoholic I'm sure I would have caved and driven to the store. Man, you guys are strong.

Anna

Hi Jody,

Try to take your mind off things for a few minutes. Go out for a walk, call someone, play with your pet, anything at all to take your mind off things.

whiskerkissed

Boy can I relate! Kinda going through that myself. Remember - Just for today we don't have to use.

Do you have access to any more pills right now? If you do...you're setting yourself up big time. I learned THAT the hard way. I couldn't possibly get past being hung up on those pills - my "leprechaun's gold" as I called them once...with them still being in the house. I didn't even have control of them...DH did...but they were haunting me. How I thought I could get past the pills and begin to heal...that one was lost on me. I finally flushed what was left. Thought about the 10 second rule and toilet water briefly...and was done with it...except the two I ganked out of the flushing lot. A weakness...and I took them. But their gone now and it's time to move on. You can do it, too.

Aysha

Find something...anything to take your mind off it.
clean..shower..buzz around the net...walk..anything.
Just fill that time until that meeting.
Hang in there.

jodyjody

Thanks you guys. I'm at the end of a taper right now....my husband has the pills in the safe. Even if I "cracked" it..there aren't enough in there to get me high.

I really think tapering messes with your mind. Having to see them everyday...taste them.

I felt so safe and understood in the meeting last night. I didn't want it to end. I can't imagine how scary it must be to leave rehab.

Anyway, thanks so much for your support. My thoughts are my worst enemy right now.

Rowan

Get busy, jody. Boredom can be a big trigger, and it sounds like you've got a lot of time on your hands. Meetings are great, but we have to learn how to live in the real world, too. Do you have phone numbers for other members? I would pick up the phone and start calling. Just tell the truth, that you're obsessing and need to talk it out with another addict.
Keep reaching out.

tommyk

"I can't imagine how scary it must be to leave rehab."

Yeah? Well one minute I was within the warm & caring cocoon of rehab where everyone is there to help you, hug you, and love you, the next minute I'm alone in the car driving on the Washington DC beltway with people honking their horns and giving each other the finger showing total disregard and malice toward one another.

Just to give you an idea of what it is/was like.
Now:

* Keep your mind active.
* Try some physical fitness.
* Don't be alone.

butterfly19

jodyjody.

I know exactly what that feels like! Getting obsessed over wanting pills is a dangerous thing. It's one thing to crave, but it's another thing when it consumes your every thought. Chi's advice is great. Get busy doing anything and sooner than you realize the thought will have disappeared. Of course, the thoughts come back, but that's when you find something else to get busy working on. This has helped me a lot!

One thing that I tend to struggle with is when I go to my mom's. She keeps her pills on her at all times, and I know this. She says it's the only sure-fire way she'll know I haven't taken any. I haven't gained her trust back yet, and it does sadden me. However, I know that she's absolutely right. If she hid them in the house and then left to go somewhere, she'd barely be out of the driveway before I started looking. I have to say I'm stronger than I once was because I'm not saying I would do this every time I had the opportunity. But if I was having an off day, you better believe that I'd be looking for them!

So, my point is that it is hard when the pills are in the same house as you even if they are being kept safe. I, don't know about you, but if I got into them and even if there weren't enough to get high off of, I'd end up taking them anyway. Very sad, but so true!

I'm not saying that even with having them in the house, you won't be able to get sober. You can! It's just a little harder and takes more effort to keep your mind busy so that you're not thinking about it all the time. I spend about 3 days out of the week at my mother's, while she carries her pills in her pocket, and I do okay. However, I do much better when I'm at my own house where I know there are no pills.

I wish you the best of luck, sweetie. Sounds like you're doing well so far, going to meetings, and posting your problems on here when you need advice. Keep up the good work! It does get a little easier with time. You learn what being patient really means when you are getting sober! Get to that meeting tonight and stay strong!

Love,

butterfly19

:ghug

jodyjody

Thank you so much. I have a 2 year old and 7 month old to look after all day long. As much as I wish I had a break....I'm sure it helps that I get to be their mommy all day.

Rowan

Hang in there jody -you aren't alone

jodyjody

Do you want to know how crappy my thinking is right now? Instead of realizing that I never have to feel this sad and hopeless again, I'm mourning the fact that I'll never feel high from pills again. What the heck is that about? I know they will ruin my life.
I know that I just need to think about today (my husband gets so frustrated that I don't do that). A woman gave me her number in the meeting last night. I tried calling her but she didn't answer. Anyway, I'm sorry for so many posts on the same thought today but that seems to be where my mind is stuck.

Thanks for your support it means so much to me.

Jules62

Hey Jody,

I completely get it-the mourning of the high you used to get.(I'm an alcoholic-but the same principles apply I think). There was an element of grief in thinking 'I'll never feel that good again' but the fact is-it's a lie.It's your old mind talking.I don't know your history but I do know for me the last few binges were anything but 'good'.I was just a drunken miserable angry unhappy woman-every time.But I kept going back to see if I could recapture the happy buzz I had in the beginning.I never could in the last 6 months I did of drinking and I accept now-I never will.

Your mind is telling you lies.I feel for you because I do know how hard it can be to challenge those thoughts.Getting busy helps me sometimes-I bake, I clean-anything if I can't get out of the house.

Please know you're not alone in this.Keep posting as much as you want-that's what this place is here for.You're not alone,

*hugs*

Julesxox

jodyjody

Good morning to everyone. I couldn't sleep so well last night but stared at my baby for hours. I finally fell asleep about 5am and and when I woke at 7am I immediately said the serenity prayer and the Lord's prayer and then I thought of all the good things to look forward to (dressing up the little ones for Halloween, watching them do things for the first time and not being loaded while I marvel at it). Anyway, pills are not out of my head but I'm not obsessing.

Thanks to everyone for posting back to me yesterday. You really helped me.

Love,
Jody

Anna

Jody, what a great plan to focus on the positive. It's really hard in early recovery to stay positive and it takes work. You're doing great!

colagirl

I was struggling with this same thinking yesterday (about drinking, not pills, but same idea). Like poor me, it isn't fair, I can't get drunk anymore like everyone else can. Of course, "everyone else" doesn't get drunk every day and ruin their lives with it, but still, that's my thinking.

Thanks for this thread, it's helped me too.