PG1968

wow,
I am having the hardest time not picking up right(drinking or coke)now. I don't know if it is the holiday, being alone or what. I have 5 months tomorrow and I feel fine and things are going ok, just cannot explain it. The last few days I have wanted to drink or do coke so bad. Normally, I just play through the horrible scenario that occurred the last time I used and that usually helps. I had lost the house, the job. Well, now I still don't have the job and am at the parent's house, but I am no longer am upset over that. I think my recovery was/is going well, working on the 6th step, but I just cannot explain this.. This is the disease showing itself, after all this time. Interesting, and I thought I had this licked!!!! I probably sound like have not learned anything. I just feel like I am ok to use, but am really not. any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Aysha

I have noticed I get that way before a milestone too. 30 days..60 days..and so on.
For me it is called complacent.
Too comfortable.
Or sometimes. I will think I have this much time in. One time wont hurt. I can just pick up where I left off.
Yea..Never seems to work out like that tho.
Just hang in there.
Keep fighting that feeling.
Reason with yourself. Even do affirmations out loud if you have to.
I know if your like me. You are having a mental conflict with yourself.
Should I ..shouldnt I?
back and forth.
Take some real thought into why not to use.
Think of the good reasons why and the bad.
And yes..keep playin that tape. Play some from other times that were bad.
Do something to distract you.
I go to youtube and get caught up there sometimes and forget abotu everything.
LOL..

Rella927

PG you are doing great! Be proud of those 5 months....

Think of all the things you have pulled yourself through and know that "this too shall pass" Maybe pick up a book? Go for a walk, write down everything that is really bothering you right now-and think of all the positive things in your life right now-

Sorry that you are going through this ..however I do believe with 5 months under your belt that this is a test of your strength so show this disease the strength that you have and pull forward!

Rowan

Get to a meeting and reach out to a newcomer. This is what I have been doing when the urge to drink or use hits me. I sat outside a meeting with a new girl tonight and talked to her about Step 1. It helps me to acknowledge my powerlessness over alcohol, and to remember that I cannot control or moderate my drinking or drug use. Surrender.
I've also been meditating, or listening to meditative music. Light some incense, turn down the lights, and just pay attention to your breathing. It really helps me.
Hang in there, you can do this.

carolm

Unfortunately, you will never have it licked. But as time goes by, you see how much you would lose if you ever went back. I was a coke addict and I know that everything in my life would change if I did just one line. I would spend all my time searching for it and spend all my money. I would lose my husband and my daughter. As they say in AA, "One is too many and a thousand is never enough". I know I would not be able to stop, until it brought me to my knees. I don't have it in me to start the recovery process all over again. I have been without coke for fourteen years. I have had to have painkillers because of surgeries, but that was scary.
I still have a sudden urge to use. When I do , I write in my journal or go for a walk. Stay Strong. It's worth it.
Carol

tommyk

Do something, stay active. Don't allow your mind to dwell on it.

RayRayRay

PG

Reward yourself for doing such a great job!

Whenever I get those cravings I go buy something I've wanted but have been holding back, or take myself out for a nice meal at a restaurant I usually can't afford....Or, if I don't trust myself to go out, I order in and make a night of movies, pizza and junk food

This craving will pass....They always do....5 months is a big deal and a lot of work...You don't want to throw all that away now....

serenityqueen

PG1968

Thanks for the support. I did not succumb to the temptation, even though it was literally in my face last night. I know, stupid to have anything in my vicinity, however, I was with a friend that decided to partake. I just don't know what is worth what anymore. People in recovery say they are all happy and stuff, but I think it might be bull to just make themselves feel better. I have 5 months, been working the steps and don't feel that much different. I did not win any rewards, figure anything profound out, or get that far spiritually. I was in an OPP and did figure alot about myself, as far as why I felt the way I did. I think I corrected the problem. That might be why I am questioning staying clean so much right now. sorry if it sounds too negative.

CarolD

5 months is a good beginning for your successful recovery.


Why in the world are you hanging out with users/drinkers ?
Really dangerous.
I strongly suggest you get back to Step 1

Blessings

whiskerkissed

EVERYONE has their days of negativity! It's natural. It's part of being human. How you deal with it is how well you come out of it. You're doing fine. Don't give up. Keep the ability to say no. Keep going back to the meetings. I've only just started, and I still have my reservations about them and how I'm supposed to think of the rest of my life...but only doing this "just for today".

Recovery isn't bull. Before this relapse I was in an in-between for a very long time. It IS a good life compared to what I had in the "way-back". From never going a day without speed as my DOC (with lots of additional drugs/alcohol) and everything that came with that...horrible tweak sores (one child in the grocery store asked if I had chicken pox one day), no money, little groceries, two kids that could have had better, welfare, no job, SMELLED like chemicals when I'd sweat, no projects ever finished...and so much more. I went to having it quite good once I grabbed a hold of the clean life. Bought a house, had money to send a kid through college, involved in the community, running my own animal rescue (a dream) and had control of my "destiny"...and now I'm facing a reality that could set me back into the the "way back" if I don't get my sh*t together and I can tell you...I was SO much happier in the recovery dept.!!

Active addiction is not worth losing what I've worked so hard to accomplish in 15 yrs. You have 5 months. Keep working it and give it the chance you deserve.

jodyjody

Wow, I just posted about wanting to use so bad. Look at the times we both posted. So, we really aren't alone.
Good luck and strength to you today.

Rowan

Yikes if I was with someone who started drinking or using, especially if I'd been obsessing about it, I'd hightail it out there! Please be careful.
And, don't give up before the miracle happens. It's not bull, it really does get better. BTW, I was in a lot of pain at the 5 month mark too. Be grateful for your sobriety, keep doing the next right thing for your recovery, and things will feel better. Honest.