My First Al-Anon Meeting
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Motown
Posts: 122
My First Al-Anon Meeting
Well, I did it!!! I went! I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest. I was very nervous, I had a hard time even making eye contact. But I listened. As everyone took turns telling their story, I just listened. When it got to my turn, I honestly didn’t know what to say, so that’s what I said. I said I’m married to an alcoholic who is still drinking (as opposed to being in recovery), and that I am angry that I can’t make him stop. And you know what, I KNOW I can’t make him stop. No matter how much I scream, cry, complain, or threaten, *I* can’t make him stop. And yes, that make me angry. But I think I am gaining tools to learn to let go of that anger.
I picked up a copy of “One Day At A Time In AlAnon”. It’s just daily reminders of how to live with ourselves, and the control we DO have over our own lives (noone elses), and how to be ok with that. I spent all day yesterday sitting in a park reading that book and writing in my journal.
I know I have a lot of learning to do, but right now, right this minute, I am ok. I am content. I know that I can learn to control not only my own actions, but my attitudes as well. And I am learning that trying to control anyone else’s is futile.
Had a good talk with both ah and the kids. Calm, reasonable, intelligent, respectful, conversation. Explained to kids what alcoholism is. Talked about their feelings about it. I restated my boundary of leaving a situation if I feel uncomfortable with ah’s behavior when drinking, explained to the kids that that’s my boundary, and if they, too, are uncomfortable, they can come with me. Plain and simple. (Not in any kind of ultimatum way; it’s hard to get across the tone of a conversation in writing here, but it was, as I said, a very calm, respectful exchange). They were given the opportunity to talk about their feelings about his drinking, and they did. And ah and I both listened to them.
A thought that occurred to me today is, maybe if he sees me trying to better myself, perhaps he will look for ways to better himself. NOT that I’m trying some passive aggressive control thing here, LOL! Just lead by example, you know? Mind you, I said it was a THOUGHT, not a HOPE.
I know there are difficult times ahead, but you know what? I know that EVERYONE has difficult times ahead. It’s called LIFE. I’m choosing to change the way I see it. I’m choosing peace.
Wishing everyone a wonderful, peaceful day!
I picked up a copy of “One Day At A Time In AlAnon”. It’s just daily reminders of how to live with ourselves, and the control we DO have over our own lives (noone elses), and how to be ok with that. I spent all day yesterday sitting in a park reading that book and writing in my journal.
I know I have a lot of learning to do, but right now, right this minute, I am ok. I am content. I know that I can learn to control not only my own actions, but my attitudes as well. And I am learning that trying to control anyone else’s is futile.
Had a good talk with both ah and the kids. Calm, reasonable, intelligent, respectful, conversation. Explained to kids what alcoholism is. Talked about their feelings about it. I restated my boundary of leaving a situation if I feel uncomfortable with ah’s behavior when drinking, explained to the kids that that’s my boundary, and if they, too, are uncomfortable, they can come with me. Plain and simple. (Not in any kind of ultimatum way; it’s hard to get across the tone of a conversation in writing here, but it was, as I said, a very calm, respectful exchange). They were given the opportunity to talk about their feelings about his drinking, and they did. And ah and I both listened to them.
A thought that occurred to me today is, maybe if he sees me trying to better myself, perhaps he will look for ways to better himself. NOT that I’m trying some passive aggressive control thing here, LOL! Just lead by example, you know? Mind you, I said it was a THOUGHT, not a HOPE.
I know there are difficult times ahead, but you know what? I know that EVERYONE has difficult times ahead. It’s called LIFE. I’m choosing to change the way I see it. I’m choosing peace.
Wishing everyone a wonderful, peaceful day!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
juju
I remember my first Alanon meeting. Tears just streamed down my face through the whole meeting and I couldn't talk. All I could say is "my son is an alcoholic/addict." That's all I could get out. I was a MESS.
I love the book you picked up and refer to it often. I usually just open it up to whatever page......and it's amazing how many times THAT PAGE is exactly what I needed in that given moment.
It sounds like you are on a good path.
gentle hugs
I remember my first Alanon meeting. Tears just streamed down my face through the whole meeting and I couldn't talk. All I could say is "my son is an alcoholic/addict." That's all I could get out. I was a MESS.
I love the book you picked up and refer to it often. I usually just open it up to whatever page......and it's amazing how many times THAT PAGE is exactly what I needed in that given moment.
It sounds like you are on a good path.
gentle hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
hi juju,
I'm so glad you enjoyed your first meeting. You're off to a good start!
This phrase came to mind when I read your post:
“The family situation is bound to improve
as we apply the Al-Anon ideas.”
(from the Al-Anon Suggested Welcome)
©Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.
I'm so glad you enjoyed your first meeting. You're off to a good start!
This phrase came to mind when I read your post:
“The family situation is bound to improve
as we apply the Al-Anon ideas.”
(from the Al-Anon Suggested Welcome)
©Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 646
Hi Juju,
You sound so much stronger today. You have done a couple of amazingly strong things. You sought out help here and at your first meeting, you have some literature in your hands that will help, and you spoke up with your kids and your AH. That is recovery in action..peace, grace, dignity. Thank you for sharing because your post helped me.
:ghug3
You sound so much stronger today. You have done a couple of amazingly strong things. You sought out help here and at your first meeting, you have some literature in your hands that will help, and you spoke up with your kids and your AH. That is recovery in action..peace, grace, dignity. Thank you for sharing because your post helped me.
:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Wailuku, Maui, Hawaii
Posts: 6
Yeah! I wrote about my first meeting just yesterday. You can read it under the topic " Not sure if I can do this anymore 
" by Tops. I went to my second meeting yesterday and learned so much again.
I like what you said about letting the kids talk about their feelings WITH your ah there. I've spoken to my daughter about her feelings about daddy's drinking, but ah wasn't there to hear her. Thanks! Good stuff.
" by Tops. I went to my second meeting yesterday and learned so much again. I like what you said about letting the kids talk about their feelings WITH your ah there. I've spoken to my daughter about her feelings about daddy's drinking, but ah wasn't there to hear her. Thanks! Good stuff.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Juju! Great 
and yes the weight begins to lift!
I remember my first meeting and the tears yup streamed down my face
and still do on some days! It is overwhelming feeling to hear some people
speak and say WOW I feel like that or felt like that! It is a good feeling
in a sad way that others have been there and are going through a lot of the
same feelings!
I remember one woman in my meeting stating something and my jaw just
dropped because I thought there was no way anyone could ever have that feeling
like I use too and still do some days! Described it to a T!
Keep posting and glad things went so well for you!
and yes the weight begins to lift! I remember my first meeting and the tears yup streamed down my face
and still do on some days! It is overwhelming feeling to hear some people
speak and say WOW I feel like that or felt like that! It is a good feeling
in a sad way that others have been there and are going through a lot of the
same feelings!
I remember one woman in my meeting stating something and my jaw just
dropped because I thought there was no way anyone could ever have that feeling
like I use too and still do some days! Described it to a T!
Keep posting and glad things went so well for you!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 172
Originally Posted by juju 
Well, I did it!!! I went! I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest. I was very nervous, I had a hard time even making eye contact. But I listened. As everyone took turns telling their story, I just listened. When it got to my turn, I honestly didn’t know what to say, so that’s what I said. I said I’m married to an alcoholic who is still drinking (as opposed to being in recovery), and that I am angry that I can’t make him stop. And you know what, I KNOW I can’t make him stop. No matter how much I scream, cry, complain, or threaten, *I* can’t make him stop. And yes, that make me angry. But I think I am gaining tools to learn to let go of that anger.
I picked up a copy of “One Day At A Time In AlAnon”. It’s just daily reminders of how to live with ourselves, and the control we DO have over our own lives (noone elses), and how to be ok with that. I spent all day yesterday sitting in a park reading that book and writing in my journal.
I know I have a lot of learning to do, but right now, right this minute, I am ok. I am content. I know that I can learn to control not only my own actions, but my attitudes as well. And I am learning that trying to control anyone else’s is futile.
Had a good talk with both ah and the kids. Calm, reasonable, intelligent, respectful, conversation. Explained to kids what alcoholism is. Talked about their feelings about it. I restated my boundary of leaving a situation if I feel uncomfortable with ah’s behavior when drinking, explained to the kids that that’s my boundary, and if they, too, are uncomfortable, they can come with me. Plain and simple. (Not in any kind of ultimatum way; it’s hard to get across the tone of a conversation in writing here, but it was, as I said, a very calm, respectful exchange). They were given the opportunity to talk about their feelings about his drinking, and they did. And ah and I both listened to them.
A thought that occurred to me today is, maybe if he sees me trying to better myself, perhaps he will look for ways to better himself. NOT that I’m trying some passive aggressive control thing here, LOL! Just lead by example, you know? Mind you, I said it was a THOUGHT, not a HOPE.
I know there are difficult times ahead, but you know what? I know that EVERYONE has difficult times ahead. It’s called LIFE. I’m choosing to change the way I see it. I’m choosing peace.
Wishing everyone a wonderful, peaceful day!
I picked up a copy of “One Day At A Time In AlAnon”. It’s just daily reminders of how to live with ourselves, and the control we DO have over our own lives (noone elses), and how to be ok with that. I spent all day yesterday sitting in a park reading that book and writing in my journal.
I know I have a lot of learning to do, but right now, right this minute, I am ok. I am content. I know that I can learn to control not only my own actions, but my attitudes as well. And I am learning that trying to control anyone else’s is futile.
Had a good talk with both ah and the kids. Calm, reasonable, intelligent, respectful, conversation. Explained to kids what alcoholism is. Talked about their feelings about it. I restated my boundary of leaving a situation if I feel uncomfortable with ah’s behavior when drinking, explained to the kids that that’s my boundary, and if they, too, are uncomfortable, they can come with me. Plain and simple. (Not in any kind of ultimatum way; it’s hard to get across the tone of a conversation in writing here, but it was, as I said, a very calm, respectful exchange). They were given the opportunity to talk about their feelings about his drinking, and they did. And ah and I both listened to them.
A thought that occurred to me today is, maybe if he sees me trying to better myself, perhaps he will look for ways to better himself. NOT that I’m trying some passive aggressive control thing here, LOL! Just lead by example, you know? Mind you, I said it was a THOUGHT, not a HOPE.
I know there are difficult times ahead, but you know what? I know that EVERYONE has difficult times ahead. It’s called LIFE. I’m choosing to change the way I see it. I’m choosing peace.
Wishing everyone a wonderful, peaceful day!
Good for you for taking that step for allowing your children to put their thoughts and feelings out there.
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