GabrielleF

My daughter had 6 months of sobriety. This was the last rescue from skid row. She was doing so well. What I feared the most has happened. The nice weather is back. She headed back to the streets. I returned from my mother's funeral to discover all my valuables were missing. I didn't have much but she took, cameras, wedding bands, and some cash. I don't think I ever want to see her again.

Ann

Gabrielle, I am so sorry that this is happening at all, but especially at a time of grief.

When my mother died, I was also distracted by my son's behaviour and I remember how angry I was that I couldn't at least get through my mother's funeral and mourn in peace.

My meetings helped me, the support of people who understood and the strength they offered me when I didn't have any of my own was huge in helping me go through the process of grief that I needed to at the time. If you haven't been to any meetings, maybe give Naranon, Alanon or CoDA a try, you will be amazed at the relief you will feel in a room of people who understand and can help.

My hugs and prayers go out to you, take time just for you the next while, to grieve and to process what needs to be addressed. And share here as often as you like, it helps just to "get it out" sometimes.

Hugs

rozied

I am so sorry but as you know there is really nothing we can do but pray.

pjbs55

Gabrielle,
I am so sorry you are going through this with your daughter. Sorry for the loss of your mom. Sending you hugs and prayers.
I am also a mother who made their child leave the home. Please take Ann's advice and attend as many meetings as you can. They offer so much support and you will find many friends there who know how you are feeling and really understand what you feel.
I really don't think you hate your daughter or you don't want to see her you just hate who she has become and what she has done to you and herself. I know I still love my AS but hate the addiction.
Will keep you in my prayers

beegee

(((((((((((Gabrielle))))))))))) They say God doesn't give us more then we can handle but this is pretty close to overflow in my eyes. I don't even know what to say to you because I know your heart is broken for your mom and your daughter. It will get better with time.

hope213

sending hugs & prayers for you. i am sorry about your mom & sorry your daughter did what she did at a time like this. we r here for you. take time for you.

lightseeker

I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. And then to come home and find out about your daughter. I'd be feeling like the world had been knocked out from underneath me. The most loving thing to help an addict is to actually do what you have done. I know that the reality is so different than all of your hopes and dreams for her.

My husband did many of the same things to his parents that your daughter has done. He was out of his mind and the pull of the drugs wasn't something that he could or would withstand. Now that he is sober he explains that he was simply crazed and did whatever it took. He does have deep remorse and sorrow for what he did to them. I hope that her brief journey into recovery will give her a toe hold. I hear you though - right now you just want her gone. I certainly understand that feeling and would feel the same way.

There are lots of moms in Alanon - and especially Naranon - that understand exactly how you are feeling. Getting to some meetings is something that has always helped me.

Hugs

ctrom40

I am also very sorry about the loss of your mother.

I am sorry that after 6 months clean, your daughter took to the streets.

But, kicking her out was the most loving thing that you can do for her.

Hugs,

mooselips

GabrielleF,
Sorry about the loss of your mother.

It's so sad that addiction has no boundaries.

Please try to find some meetings
in your area, they really really help us so much.



Hugs..

Impurrfect

(((GabrielleF)))

I'm so sorry about your mom and that your daughter is back on the streets.

I know this won't make you feel any better, but I'm a recovering addict and can assure you she didn't steal to hurt you...she just responded to the addiction. It doesn't make it right, by any means, but it's what we do when we are consumed by the drugs.

I, too, hope the recovery she had will help her to hit bottom again faster. Kicking her out IS the most loving thing you can do....we won't hit that bottom until the consequences outweigh the high. Having a nice, soft place to land, just makes that bottom get farther away.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

cece

You have every right to feel hurt and mad right now. You did the right thing, and probably what she expected even as she relapsed and let the addiction run her life again .

They say that once they have some recovery under their belt they never can do the same addict things without those inner thoughts telling them its a bad choice.

You did the right thing for her as well as you. I hope you make a police report as there is a chance some things might turn up.
But You need to take care of yourself and your heart right now. Do what you need to do to mend yourself.
I am sorry for your loss.:praying

sleepygoat

Oh dear, what an awful time for you. The timing of addicts, and the complete self-centeredness they practice is beyond belief, huh?

One thing I can say is that 6 months was a good, strong, run - and a fairly good predictor that she will be back in recovery to try again in the future. But you might be so pissed off at this point, you don't really give a darn! That's OK, the anger has always been empowering for me and If I had to choose, i'd choose anger over grief and sadness any day. so may the anger empower you to let go, live each day to make yourself happier, and give the whole mess over to your higher power.

GabrielleF

Thanks everyone. I cant find any close meetings but I am looking.
You are all awesome. I could feel the hugs.

justjo

Gabrielle, I feel for you too honey. Its a difficult road to travel. My son put us through hell and back for years. I kicked him out too & it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I didnt hear from him for months and when I did it was only for money.
NO is the answer I learned. They have to do this themselves. My son now thank goodness is in the process of becoming a Youth Worker and Im so proud.
Just be there & know that the things they do are in desperation, its not to hurt us even though it does. I disliked my son with horrible guilt because of the drugs and booze. I still have that concern it may come back but while things are good I encourage him of the man he will be.
Love to you and have faith.

marle

I can't say that I know how you feel because I have not gone through kicking my daughter out YET. I am sorry that she picked this time when you had so much grief over the loss of your mother to give you even more grief. I hope that you can find some peace in knowing that addiction is controlling your daughter's life right now and that the person who stole from you is not your daughter. Sending prayers for you. Hugs, Marle

ladyamalthea

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Whatever you do, make sure you stick to your actions... you don't want to enable her in a moment of pity.

If it's any help, just remember that, like any other person with any other disease, addicts have good days and bad days. That doesn't mean she should be forgiven with no consequences, but just know that, like Marle said, it's the addict who is stealing from you, rather than your daughter.

My mom actually became chummy with the pawn shop because my sister would use the same one every time. Lol... they got to the point where they would call my mom each time as would leave them to let her know what their latest merchandise was. I don't laugh about this because it is funny; rather, it is easier to laugh about it than to continue to be angry.

There are two reasons I mention any of this:
1: You are not alone. Lots of parents go through this exact same thing
2: I commend you for being strong enough to do what my parents will never be able to do. Heck, when as was at her worst, my mom was actually begging her to come back home, where she thought she would actually be able to control her.

You and she are both in my prayers!

*hugs*

katie44

I'm so sorry you are going through this. My condolences to you and your family. My mother passed away 14 month ago, the day of her funeral my AS stole her cheque book and tried to cash cheques ( thankgoodness I froze the account) I was appalled. So very true addiction has no boundaries. I understand your anger and hurt. Please remember it is the drug that controls her actions, it is not your daughter. Hugs and prayers to you and your family.

Jody Hepler

Timing with addicts is always just awful. I had to learn to hate the disease, but love the person. But sometimes, in the middle of a crisis, it was very hard. It just reinforced that nothing was more important to a using addict than the drugs and let me know what I was dealing with.

I had to ask my now RAS to leave at 18 years old as a senior in high school, knowing that if he left, he could not attend school. Actually, the choice was to get detoxed and go back to AA - and either a counselor or outpatient. He chose to leave. He had about 3 years of recovery and started using again.

I also went to court when he was 15 years old and 6 months sober and declared him "incorrigible" because his behavior was terrible. Having a probation officer straightened him up very quickly.

I was with him last week (and his 16 month old son and wife) at a family reunion - he will have 1 year the end of this month.

Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. I agree with the suggestion about meetings and a sponsor. I never could have survived without that support.

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler