ladyamalthea

And it was amazingly peaceful.

The only part that bothered me a little was when she got to talking about ras, and she said that one thing that she did that made ras get cleaned up was to cut off her phone priveledges... to restrict her phone so that it only had a very few numbers it would dial/ receive calls from (I've tried to tell her before that this is not as effective as she thinks it is, but she always responds with "I know, but at least I've made it more difficult for her to contact her suppliers).

Although, at one point, I felt her trying to defend her position about my sister again... I finally just had to explain to her that, when we got into that fight last week, I was not trying to say that I didn't care about my sister, or that I don't love her. I was simply trying to keep my emotions at bay, and that hearing a ton of blanket statements about her general improvement tend to open the gate for me to get my hopes up.

Mom's response: a little bit of defensiveness; but once we got past that, she seemed okay. I just hope that one day she can fully understand my position. I think she still thinks I'm being too selfish. But, I guess it's time to quit worrying about what she thinks, since her mind is not where it would be if she were not in denial anyways.

So this post, then, is my attempt to have some kind of closure in the ongoing saga that was me worrying about how detaching with love would hurt my mom's feelings. Thanks to all of you here for giving me the strength and knowledge I needed to get to this point.

I love you guys!:ghug3

Lynette57

It will be a life long process, but you can come to a relationship that is healthy for you.

You are making it work the best you can and for that I commmend you.

I would love to have a daughter right now who wanted to go do normal things like shop or lunch, anything but the addict stuff.

I also want to thank you for your story because as a daughter of a very victim driven mother, and an addict daughter you and siblings likeyou have helped me see what my son must have felt some times.

Now I go out of my way to make his world as normal as possible, and not let the other world suck all of the oxygen out of the room.

So your perspective is very hlepful and needs to be told.

ladyamalthea

Lynette,

Thank you for giving me the parent perspective on this! Your son is very lucky to have a mom who understands things from his perspective as well. And thank you for your constant support. I feel like me worrying less about everyone else is another step in me being healthier, and by default, another step towards those healthier relationships too. Without you, and others here, I don't know that I could make so much progress.

Impurrfect

I'm glad you talked to her, and it sounds like you both are making progress. It may take a while for her to "get it" that you don't want to hear all about your RAS, but as long as you're persistent and calm about it, she will get the message. As far as her not enabling your RAS, that may or may not happen.

Whatever SHE does, you are sounding much better!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Chino

The day she fully understands your position is the day she arrives at the same place. Since there's no telling if she ever gets there, her accepting and respecting your boundaries is the foundation you build on. Many good thoughts going your way as you continue to build

splendra

((((ladyamalthea)))))


One thing I had to come to terms with is I can't control my mom any more that I can control my siblings. She has her own journey with this and it has nothing to do with me. Me trying to make her see something now that is about me.

I gotta love my mom anyway she is my mom.