suki44883

Hi, Evan!

Now, evan...you know what I'm going to say, right?

whiskerkissed

Jump off the fence and fess up. The fact that you didn't give the drink back and continued to order more...well...this still sounds a little like a problem here. Nothing gained by hiding it...;-) Just another experience to learn from and work through.

Aysha

Hey evan..Definately come clean. You will feel better.
And I am a little worried about you saying you didnt feel guilty this time.
That for me is trouble. It means I have let my defenses down.
So whats stopping you from doing it again if there's no guilt this time. Or bad feelings toward it.
I am going to tell you the same thing I told that kid yesterday.
And only because I just sense it. Because I have done the same thing.
I hear..I didnt feel guilty this time...It's not like I do it all the time.....It just came out of last field...Before I knew it he was buying me drinks....I just wanted to show him a good time.
You get where I am going with this?
If you validate THIS time with excuses and no guilt. Then your setting yourself up for the next time.
Thats just my opinion.

tommyk

"I really cant make up my mind."

Yes you can. And you know there's only one way to go with it.

RobbyRobot

your thinking is bang on. what happened in the past is history and that is a mercy for us. being honest now about a relapse breaks that addiction denial chain. and gives us a fresh start to a better today and a lasting future. As you look back to today weeks, months, and years from now, you'll be grateful and happy you took the honest road. 8

Anna

You had a blast??!!

It sounds like your sponsor could be right. Could it be that you're not ready for sobriety?

TTOSBT

Yeah Anna, was kinda thinking the same thing....you had a blast?
Ugh, I can not see myself drinking today and having a blast. This recovery thing would mess with my high, I know.
So are you in the IOP because you have to be?

Ananda

I guess my thought is that the fact that you had fun makes you very vunerable right now. I hope your sponsors can help you see some ways to keep on focus and keep that from standing in your way. I believe it is possible....that is one of the things I fear about if I were to drink again...it is like playing russian rulet....it is possible i might have a good time...or at least not a horible time once...but eventually i'll be back in the full time drinking and it is horible. Cause I am an alchoholic. i thought i had an ok time relaxing with a beer for a hockey game....and it took me 8 years of misery to get sober again.

My thoughts are with you.

barb dwyer

hi evan -

sounds to me like there's a decision to be made.

Do you want to be clean?

Or do you just want everyone around you to THINK you're clean?

One is real.
One ... is not.

The decision would have more to do with ...
do I want the rest of my life to be this?

If you decide you just want the trappings ...
then relax - you already are ... all you'll ever be.
I commend anyone with the mental capacity to life a continual lie.
It was lies to others, the world,
and ultimately myself
that destroyed my life .... not the booze or drugs.

That was just literally drowning out the lying voice is all.

But if you decide you want what is real -
in the world, from others, from yourself ...
from life....
and you want what you GIVE to this world to be real...
then ...

*shrug*

kinda answers istelf, don't it?

tommyk

"I am in recovery for a reason...................."

What was that reason?

Remembering the mistakes that brought you to recovery may prevent you from repeating those mistakes.

barb dwyer

it read (to me) more like the difference of a mind working in it's addiction,
and the mind working from within its' recovery.

I'm glad and relieved to see you were open to the input you got here.

Aysha

Yea..no kidding..Open to comments and thinking about them seriously is something I wasnt having last year.
So thats good. And I believe you evan.
Because that was me last year. Except..I would have cussed out..threatened..made up every excuse you could think of...Fought every word tooth and nail until people were like ..Well then F you then..we are here when your ready.
I swear..thats what I was like.
I cant help but laugh at mytself now. I was a real azzhole.
I was the exception. Yea ok.
So I am very glad you are taking it seriously. And you are thinking about what is being said to you.
That is a big step in the right direction.
Because when we as addicts stop thinking for ourselves all the time.
And listen a little to others POV. Advice. ESH..whatver they are trying to tell us to better ourselves.
Then we can finally start to get out of our own way and start to do something about it that is stable.
I dont know what I am really trying to say.
Bottom line...Be honest. Your only foolin yourself otherwise.
Please be more careful. I do care.
Glad you did come clean.
And very happy to see your open to what others have to say.
I in no way doubt you.
I have nothing but faith in you.

coming_clean

be a man, step up and tell, otherwise ur month sobriety have been a waste,

maybe is clubbing not a proper activity for someone in recovery. I don't say u have to pray and be serene all day. But c'mon dude, there's a whole world of fun out there, go fishing, go to an themepark, go to the movies, go mountainbiking and brake a leg, go mud-wrestling, go camping, etc. etc. Just as long it does not involve getting intoxicated and loosing ur sense of responsibility.

don't compare yourself with other users, they all say it's okay untill they try to quit themselves and find out they can't,

whiskerkissed

Excellent self-advice evan! I'm working on that one myself...:-)

sct

I find that sitting on the fence gets me nothing but a post up my @ss. So... how's that working out for you?

whiskerkissed

Glad I wasn't taking a drink. I would have had water out my nose...:-D