psychobabe

I have been reading posts lately but not writing - I have been feeling so much better with AD in jail and out of our house. I have felt a sense of peace and great relief that I wouldn't be getting phone calls from police or wondering what she was doing when not at the house.
My spouse really chastised me last night because I have talked to her only a few times and don't want to visit her in jail. I feel that going to the jail would be so traumatic for me, I don't want to do it.
I also cycle through anger at all the terrible things she has done - she had been stealing all kinds of things including a new car off the dealership lot. I didn't raise her to be a thief. I know it is the disease - but it made her do awful things and I am struggling with the sadness and anger at what she has done.
I had been feeling better, but have obviously hit a rough spot and the sadness is really with me tonight for all that her disease has done. I/we are resolute that we will not bail her out and will let the consequences of her behavior come from the legal system - and that is the right thing to do - but I am just so sad.......
Kathryn

peaceteach

Sending you a big "mom" hug, babe. It is a sad thing, to accept that this is our child, the one we spent all those years trying to protect. Do know that your daughter's choices and bad decisions were not personal toward you. She is an addict, and it can grab ahold of our kids way stronger than we ever could. My prayers go out to you and your spouse tonight.

marle

Like Peaceteach said, I had to come to the realization that what my daughter was doing was not personal. I went through a lot of anger and then a lot of sadness until I was finally able to accept that "it is what it is". That is when I finally was able to grieve for the losses that addiction brings. It takes a lot of strength not to bail them out but you are doing the right thing letting her deal with the consequences. Hugs, Marle

greeteachday

Sending some more hugs. I really think we have to go through the process, experience the feelings...sometimes more than once, to move further and to some acceptance. I would think I was in a good spot, only to fall into a dark hole for awhile and start anew. Coming here and going to meetings...reaching out for support, helped me to get out of the dark places more quilckly each time. Each person is different and we each handle things a bit differently. I am glad you are not getting guilted into anything that will make you feel bad. Praying for you, your spouse and your AD.

rozied

Oh Kathryn, I know that its hard. The 1st time my son was arrested I didn't bail him out but my parents did. It made me furious & my mom even lied to me. I had seen what bailing someone else out did when my ex mil did it for my ex husband. I had sworn at that time I would never bail my kids out if they broke the law. I told my 2 often enough while they were growing up that I wouldn't bail them out.
You are doing the right thing. Do what Ann always advises, Give your daughter to her HP.
Love,
Diane