Breathing time!

Old 07-01-2008, 07:50 AM
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Talking Breathing time!

For those who've wondered where I've been....

Well, we moved my mother about 2hrs drive away to her cousin. She's at least got the German Sheperd, her parrot and the house cat with her. She seems happy there – she says just a little lonely. I told her I think she needs some aloness to gather her thoughts. To find herself again and to be away from all the madness. It was very sad for her to move so far away from her children, but at least she has a roof over her head.

My brother has moved into a commune close to where we used to live. It's also close to where he started working now. I feel bad that I could not take him in, but my bf & I decided that it would be good for him to also be by himself a bit – of course I would be there for emergencies, but I can already see a change in him since he moved out. Even if it's only been a short while. If it is the Lord's will my bf & I can get a big enough home loan to buy a place big enough for him to come live in too. We are hoping this can happen after our 6-month lease period. Really hoping!

Apparently my father has started a new job yesterday and is living in a guest house and at his sister's at times. My mother said he was planning to drive through to where she is at now – I don't really know why, maybe he is realizing what he is losing....he left the most horrible message for us on my phone, screaming and swearing at us, then the next day he sends us sms's telling us how he loves us....then he complains by my mother over the fact that we don't respond?!?!?!?

Sigh, I think he has lost his mind. He is not the man I used to love, the man I used to get along great with. It is so sad – I saw some pictures of a few years back – when he didn't look like hell and all of us looked happy. That was really bad for me! I could hardly handle it – I felt like I was going to have a heart attack! It was also terrible to go and clean the last things of our house, after everybody else has left. It was great to be out, but sad, as it meant the end of one of my life's chapters.

Oh well, I need to turn the page and start the next chapter – you know, those ones that you've been waiting for all this time.....I am starting to feel I have arrived, where? I don't really care, as long as we can be happy!

P.S. The noisy student neighbors have been super quiet! I wonder if they got the message with the warning? I hope so. Otherwise they are just on holiday. I hope it is not the latter, because I haven't slept this well since I've been a small girl with no worries in the world.

Thank you all for your support and concern through a very rough patch in my life! I'm sure there will be more and heck – you'll hear from me – lol – but I hope it will be more normal kind of issues.
Keep well all! :ghug3
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Old 07-01-2008, 08:26 AM
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I am glad to see that things are getting better for you, hang in there.
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Old 07-01-2008, 10:35 PM
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Wow Laan- you and your family have really changed so much in such a short time! I hope you can breathe easier. I would just avoid looking at those old photos. Tooooooo painful, why torture yourself? I absolutely cannot bear to llok at pictures of my brothers and me from just a few years ago even. They have deteriorated so much recently - I can't bear the pain of their past "healthier" faces and bodies.

Your future is wide open! You can keep at your recovery and building your relationship with your man. Everything I've learned in my recovery from my wacked out Alcoholic family has helped me in every aspect of my life....and naturally helps me cope with the ongoing alcoholism of my brothers...keep at it Laan! Good luck!
Peace,
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Old 07-02-2008, 02:20 AM
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Thanks hey - yeah, I know I shouldn't be looking at the pics - I just couldn't help it hey.

I wanted to see the family we used to be. We have really changed - I just hope it is all for the best!

One thing I have noticed though - I already knew I wouldn't be able to just fix everything with a snap of my fingers, but I didn't really realize how much this whole thing would affect my relationships with others - especially bf. We sometimes fight a lot - over the smallest things.
Then I realize, I'll need to change a few things first - I need to take that baggage off my back now hey?

A little easier said than done, but I know what I need to do. Try harder! Ha ha, you know - I haven't really laughed as much as I have in the last few days (even with the fight bf & I had this morning)

I like laughing......I know, I know it sounds a little silly - but I do!
Thanks hey!!!!! :ghug2
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Old 07-02-2008, 04:47 AM
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I love laughter, Laan! It also releases a feel-good substance in the body and quite naturally, without the need for booze or drugs. Whenever I laugh, it's like I feel a soothing balm come over my body, like a healing agent

You sound terrific, Laan
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Old 07-02-2008, 01:25 PM
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Keep laughing Laan, you sound good.

I look at old pictures of my brother and family from time to time, it reminds me not to think of what goes on now as 'normal' and acceptable.
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Old 07-02-2008, 01:41 PM
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Laan: It sounds like you are doing great. I'm a laugher too, so go on and LAUGH! It's better than crying.

As for the old pictures, you said "he didn't look like hell and all of us looked happy". As they say "play the tape all the way through". You may have looked happy but now you are on the journey to actually BE happy. Sure things look different now but different can be good too, ya know? I look at old pictures of my wedding and think how happy I was (and how naive I was). I wouldn't trade those old times for anything because it got me to this point, but I am aspiring to create a new happiness - a REAL happiness - one without anger, resentment, doubt, depression, and worry.

Hang in there!
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Old 07-03-2008, 12:06 AM
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Yeah, laughing is like medicine! I was watching one of those silly old movies while bf cooked dinner (he cooks on Thursdays) and he couldn't understand why I enjoyed it so much. After a while I noticed him standing still - staring at me. When I looked at him he said: "I've never seen you like this, I like it" That was nice to hear!

I don't think all the past issues will entirely go away - they still come back to haunt me a little, but I deal with it - way better than I used to.

I think I shall go get me a dvd for the weekend and get some of this fun laughter out!:bounce
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Old 07-03-2008, 05:17 AM
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That just made me smile, Laan It's so nice to get some validation that you are wonderful and deserve to be happy and laughing. Your boyfriend sounds sweet to have noticed! Good for you.
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Old 07-03-2008, 03:16 PM
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Laughter is my drug of choice

Hugs to you , Laan!
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