kingston

Hi everyone, I posted this on another section today and have received great feedback from people. I'm interested in opinions from recovering addicts. Any comments would be appreciated - many thanks - K

Better for me so why the confusion?
I've been reading/lurking here for a while now. I'm in a situation now where I really need some feedback.

My AH has been sober now for about 3 1/2 years. He doesn't go to AA anymore - he did regularly for the first year but now nothing. He also doesn't work. He has used all his savings/pension. He had this dream of being self employed - doing hypnosis, he has spent a lot of money and time trying to this. He has a few clients but nothing that makes any money - $200 a month. For almost a year now I have been the .money maker. I keep telling him he has to find a job - we are strapped with no savings and living pay cheque to pay cheque. My job is also in unstable now with a possible lay off coming. So.......

I sat down with him last night and told him that how I was feeling - trapped, scared, insecure etc etc. In order for me to feel better about my life I need financial security (we are in our mid 50's). I told that if by Sept 1 he doesn't have a job that would allow him to contribute 50% of the costs I will look for a smaller apartment - on my own.

I know in my heart that this is the right/healthy thing for me but and there's always that but, why did it have to come to this? He's a great guy but so dam irresponsible. I've stopped myself from bugging him about getting a job, giving him leads, etc because it's my old behaviors coming back. I find myself slipping back into old codie ways.

I remember I gave him the name of a friend who is in HR, he could have a nice security job that pays ok and the hours are flexible which would allow him to "dabble" in his business. He said that he couldn't be a security guard - that was beneath him! And also no high stress job - it would cause him to drink again.

Warning Warning Warning

All he said last night was ok, I understand - that's it nothing else. Sometimes I think he's pushing me just to see how far he can go.

He has everything, a nice place to live, food, smokes, gas for his car, insurance, why get a job?

I'm just so dam frustrated, angry and hurt right now. The voice inside my head keeps asking why? Why does he do this and why do I keep allowing this? He's sober but his behavior is just as bad.

Sorry for the long vent but if anyone has any suggestions please let me know, thanks

Anna

Hi,

I think that getting sober doesn't solve all of everyone's problems.

If you feel you're being taken advantage of, then you need to decide what is right for you.

You might want to seek support for yourself at AlAnon.

tommyk

"I told that if by Sept 1 he doesn't have a job that would allow him to contribute 50% of the costs I will look for a smaller apartment - on my own."

Follow through with it. Keep reminding him as the date appraoches.