austingemini

Good evening all,

Been reading through others posts and have finally decided to step out from the shadows and introduce myself. As an early 30s male I've wondered for a long time if I have control over my consumption. Like I'm seeing in many other posts on here, I too come from a family of alcoholics (recovering fortunately) and am likely predisposed to the same fate. While I've never had one of those "wake up the next day on the hood of a Trans Am, naked, with keys shoved up my arse" moments, I've had enough times where I've had good reason to question myself.

I'm sure some, or perhaps many, of you have tried this exercise before but if you haven't (or are still questioning if this site is for you) it's worth trying. Write down every embarrassing or painful drunk memory you have. All of them. Gritty details and all. If you're even part way frightened or ashamed of that list, welcome home.

My drinking pattern is a simple one. Don't drink all week long. When Friday and Saturday roll around, get 'fall over stinky'. Rinse and repeat. 15 or so odd years of the same routine gets a touch old. So, I'm two (yes, 2...a whopping 48 hours) sober. This isn't the first time to try to quit drinking. But this is the first time I've finally reached out to peers and openly admitted (to my girlfriend as well) that I have a problem.

Have a wonderful night all. I anxiously look forward to hearing about all of your successes in recovery!!

CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community.

Gee... I knew I was an alcoholic
long before I decided to stop.
I had to take action to recover.

Glad to see you here with us...

SoBearish

Nice job - that was very brave!!

tommyk

Keep coming back...!

TheBean

I know how you feel- I was ok with my drinking during the week, but the weekends were bad. Then I would be so hungover from the weekend that Monday and Tuesday were wasted. By Friday night I was drunk again. Add in the occasional Thursday night bottle of wine, and I was sick more often than not. I tried telling people I had a problem, and they told me I was fine. That didn't help things. I also have a family full of alcoholics. I will tell you that the ONLY thing that got me this far was the one day at a time mentality. I actually started with one HOUR at a time. Just keep plugging. Hope that helps.

Dee74

ah....memories...

just kidding AG - welcome!!

D

austingemini

Thanks for these words. My girlfriend's told me the same. It's likely a combination of (1) even when I'm blurry-eyed-singing-show-tunes-to-pigeons-sortof-drunk I rarely appear so and (2) I'm 'funner' to be around when I've had a few (read: willing to hang out till 2 am in some crappy smoke filled dungeon pontificating on the usual array of drunkin' topics - like how many crayons I can fit up my nose).

She's still uncertain about what to do/say around the topic so I've decided it's easier, and likely wiser, to talk to folks like yourselves (peers with experience in recovery) instead.

How long has it been for you? How do you deal with the moods (I'm sure I'm not the only one that gets cranky come weekend time)? Experience some minor bouts of depression during recovery?

TheBean

I think sometimes maybe it's tough for them to agree we have a problem because they don't want us to have a problem, know what I mean? It's the old "ignore it and hope it goes away" technique. Though not the case in my relationship, I would guess that some people will also try to convince you that you don't have a problem because they don't want to have to cut back on their own drinking. I don't know. I guess that's where AA comes in- so you have a support group of people that will give it to you straight. It's only been 143 days for me, so I'm by no means an expert on the topic. It's funny that you mention depression, because I always told myself that I was drinking to get relief from anxiety/depression. It turns out that I was depressed/anxious because of my drinking. I am now off my depression meds and haven't had any anxiety, which wasn't what I was expecting. I don't get cranky on the weekends, but I do get bored. I think I have discovered that I need a hobby, since drinking was my hobby for the last 10 years (I'm 28). Ok, that was a lot of rambling, sorry. I hope something in there was helpful.

CarolD

Way to go on your sober time TheBean!

Welcome to SR

austingemini

Thanks Bean. I hear you on the boredom. I'm 31 so drinking has been my hobby for around 17 years (sadly enough). I'm a cofounder of a startup so my week is busy enough, but I tend to find myself working on Friday's and Saturday's to try to avoid drinking. Rather trading one addiction for another. Thinking about going back for my MBA to kill some of that dead time with something productive. Or volunteer.

Day: 4

Rella927

Welcome Austin ! Glad that you found us and decided to come

Congrats on Day 4! Keep up the great work! There is a lot of support here
in this forum and you may want to check out the "Alcoholism" forum too-

Keep posting and keep us updated on your progress

HeavyJ

Welcome AustinGemini,

I was in the same boat as you, Fun to be around, funny guy etc.... But my drinking led to just about every day, and more and more... I finally had a black-out. i could'nt remember anything. that scared me bad. I'm a little older than you 40, with two kids under 4 and a loving wife. the black-out was a slap in the face to do something about it. I had tried to cut back, but that really never worked...

Good luck to you! This website is helpiong me tremendously!

Heavy

austingemini

Good for you HeavyJ. Sounds like you've got your priorities into perspective. Unfortunately my first 'blackout' was years and years ago - never really bothered me all that bad (surprisingly) - even after I heard that I magically lost my fear of heights and climbed out onto the railing on my then 6 story apartment <insert head into ass>. Apparently I thought the rail was obstructing my view.

Day: 4, 14 hours