im new
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: mass
Posts: 9
im new
well i've been taking oxycotten maybe little over 2 years recently was thinking about getting off it,, until recently somthing came up and now i got no choice but to go on without it, hell i didn't even get a chance to plan my battle out,, as it stands i guessing im maybe at day 3 withdrawls it's hell i can't sleep, i'm nervous guts feel like there on fire if not feeling like i got sucker punched , i got the mud slides i feel like crap that is just the physical part , im depressed, im lacking interest in everything and anything that i once injoyed a lot, i have a high tolerance for pain, pressure and stress even this is taxing my body/mind to such a extreme i whouldn't wish this on my worse enemy i can't get help i love to go a detox get it done over the right way but if it gets out i did goto a detox it could cause issues for my family in terms having custody of my brother kid, and i can't even drink alcohol to suppress the cramps and nervousness im @^#$
my b-day is 9 days which only adds to be depressed more ..
my b-day is 9 days which only adds to be depressed more ..
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 2,859
day 3 is usually the worst. You should start feeling better by tomorrow fingers crossed. Each day will get easier hang in there. Stay hydrated, take some vitamins, eat if you can, sleep will come. Try an otc sleep aid, like tylenol pm, or sleepy time those might help you sleep some. You can get through this!!
smileyologist and lord of bees
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: mourning smileys near you
Posts: 2,508
Hey, welcome to the forums. You're doing great, withdrawals do suck that's for sure. We'll be around if you need to talk or can't sleep, etc. - there's usually always somebody around.
Keep going, it will get better.
Keep going, it will get better.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: mass
Posts: 9
my self
i know so much and so little for me it was1 pill fixed all gave me energy, helped get rid of being depressed,,i sleeped like a rock , i stopped drinking beer ect other forms of liquer , i wasn't anti-social by default, i wasn't worryed about feeling lonely , thou everything has it trade offs even when it's completely good i lost my creativity i used to write a lotta storys/poetry and it supressed my emotions not off but it make it manageable. part of my anxiety and depression
is becoming this person i was before i didn't like it even thou it has it's sparks of good qualitys it is not worth this trade off ,, i know theres a way to treat depression with a drug but i don't wanna be sitting there sleeping 96% of time
i play a mmo game like everquest2 for about 9 years now some reason i have no interest in it atm i don't know why,to even post all this crud took lotta effort i never trouble any one with any my problems i grew up learning every one has anuff there own issues to deal with let alone mine if was split into 2 people because this 1 thing both sides agree on IT's a painful death some thing i liked .. and painful birth of somthing that i don't
is becoming this person i was before i didn't like it even thou it has it's sparks of good qualitys it is not worth this trade off ,, i know theres a way to treat depression with a drug but i don't wanna be sitting there sleeping 96% of time
i play a mmo game like everquest2 for about 9 years now some reason i have no interest in it atm i don't know why,to even post all this crud took lotta effort i never trouble any one with any my problems i grew up learning every one has anuff there own issues to deal with let alone mine if was split into 2 people because this 1 thing both sides agree on IT's a painful death some thing i liked .. and painful birth of somthing that i don't
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
Hi and Welcome,
You're doing great.
I do get what you mean. When I stopped drinking, I had to deal with the stuff I didn't want to face. One thing is, I don't feel comfortable in social situations when I don't know people well. But, for me, it's a lot better to deal with that than to be slowly killing myself with alcohol.
I do want to mention that taking antidepressants, if your dr says they might help you, doesn't make you feel like you're sitting there sleeping. Not at all. For me, I began drinking to self-medicate the depression. I needed to get the depression treated. I take meds and have for years and always will. That's ok. It evens the playing field for me. I don't have any side-effects at all.
You're doing great.
I do get what you mean. When I stopped drinking, I had to deal with the stuff I didn't want to face. One thing is, I don't feel comfortable in social situations when I don't know people well. But, for me, it's a lot better to deal with that than to be slowly killing myself with alcohol.
I do want to mention that taking antidepressants, if your dr says they might help you, doesn't make you feel like you're sitting there sleeping. Not at all. For me, I began drinking to self-medicate the depression. I needed to get the depression treated. I take meds and have for years and always will. That's ok. It evens the playing field for me. I don't have any side-effects at all.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: mass
Posts: 9
anti-depress
if your takeing anti-depressants how does it work ? i mean does it block you from thinking about thing depressing or just makes you even to be happy ?
cause i know i feel depressed and i have no energy or inspiration to do anything like i said even the things i once liked to do
cause i know i feel depressed and i have no energy or inspiration to do anything like i said even the things i once liked to do
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
In my case, it's a chemical imbalance and the meds balance it. I don't feel 'happy', just normal. I still have down days sometimes, but the difference now, is that I know they will pass.
You really can get lots of information and advice from your dr.
You really can get lots of information and advice from your dr.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Langley, BC
Posts: 1,007
Anna is right - anti-depressants/anxiety meds will just even you out. IF you need them. It's kind of like kids taking ritilan.........the ones who need it, it just calms them down and allows them to concentrate........the ones who don't need it will get huge bursts of energy etc - the opposite effect. Talk to your doctor - if you need them, there's no harm in taking them.
meanwhile, while you're detoxing (and I feel for you, I did the same thing - off narcotics) take imodium or something for the "mud slides
" - and make sure you stay hydrated. even if you're not feeling thirsty. gatorade and powerade type drinks are the best, lots of electrolytes. hot showers or baths will help with the cramping......I had leg cramps, spasms that were nasty. heat helped. I'm sure you're not hungry but you have to try and keep something down. you're body has gone through a lot and it's going to need a lot of help to heal. but it will get better. it won't be gone over night for sure - but each day you'll see a little bit more.
My biggest issue was the lack of interest in anything. and no energy. lots of days I would get out of bed for about 20 minutes. and I never thought it would go away. I used to try and think what I did before I started using, and I couldn't even remember.
but it does come back. all the energy, and interest and passion in things. and you're going to be able to enjoy all of that with a clear head now.
just be careful during your withdrawals. I didn't pay enough attention and during them ended up in the hospital dehydrated and my blood pressure fell. If you think you need to see a doctor, don't let pride stand in your way.........just go. you can only be of benefit to your brothers kids if you're healthy.
take care, keep us posted on your progress.
meanwhile, while you're detoxing (and I feel for you, I did the same thing - off narcotics) take imodium or something for the "mud slides
" - and make sure you stay hydrated. even if you're not feeling thirsty. gatorade and powerade type drinks are the best, lots of electrolytes. hot showers or baths will help with the cramping......I had leg cramps, spasms that were nasty. heat helped. I'm sure you're not hungry but you have to try and keep something down. you're body has gone through a lot and it's going to need a lot of help to heal. but it will get better. it won't be gone over night for sure - but each day you'll see a little bit more. My biggest issue was the lack of interest in anything. and no energy. lots of days I would get out of bed for about 20 minutes. and I never thought it would go away. I used to try and think what I did before I started using, and I couldn't even remember.
but it does come back. all the energy, and interest and passion in things. and you're going to be able to enjoy all of that with a clear head now.
just be careful during your withdrawals. I didn't pay enough attention and during them ended up in the hospital dehydrated and my blood pressure fell. If you think you need to see a doctor, don't let pride stand in your way.........just go. you can only be of benefit to your brothers kids if you're healthy.
take care, keep us posted on your progress.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: mass
Posts: 9
well today i woke up later then normal. still feeling off body isn't as bad right now but sure it'll come later, im still trying recognize the things i used to do to even out been over looking lotta things i wrote, pictures , audio/videos i guess best way i could explain it the operating system that is my mind is corrupt now i gotta format, reinstall start from scratch
one thing i wrote long ago ironicly in a alcoholic haze proberly best fits how i currently feel now
( The Last Paladin )
I rest my back upon a tree, using my sword as a crutch i lean and look over the land. as quickly as the wind of time which blows past my now grey hair a blanket of haunting mist plows over this land. i look down at myself, my armour is covered in blood, my blood. my wounds are deep and painful...
the battle has weakened me...i need to rest. my mind wanders back to a time when peace filled my soul... memories of happiness are the only comfort in this dark place.
emptyness fills me
i shed a single lonely tear... it flows from my eye like the blood seeping from my wounds. I lower my head in silence...
this moment is broken as i hear a thunder... the wind screams at me like unholy wraiths... my plates of armour clatter as the thunder races across the sky... i hear laughter, so i look to see a dark figure holding a sword in one hand... my eyes meet the glowing blood red eyes protruding from the shadow... it is him again. (still feeble) from the pain I push off my crutch... gathering my stance as i draw my sword.
the pain of my wounds is great, however, i will not show weakness... i stand my ground. (the Paladin stands, in this place of darkness against an enemy that is his equal) ( and knowing he is wounded badly, and that the odds are not in his favor... he does not fluster, he does not back down).
they go blow for blow... strike for strike... every attack counter met by the other... its like the struggle of light over darkness...love over hate...resolution over pain, until the cycle is quickly broken... the Paladin has been struck down... the dark figure stands over what he thinks to be an easy victory...
my strength is all but gone... i'm screaming inside... i'm the only light that shines in this dark place... i have tried so hard, i have battled so long...i've grown tired. i need loving arms to embrace me. i want to hear words of love... but all i hear is the undying thud of pain. my mind clouds with rage. the once soft-light bearing candle of my soul has now become infuriated and burns with powerful fuel...like the breath of a dragon.
(the Paladin rises to his feet, trapping the pain in a place to far away for him to feel... refusing to let the dark figure have this victory).
the Paladin playfully points his sword towards the dark figure...as if taunting him to strike... their swords meet in mid air... words are exchanged... the dark figure laughs, then is silent... the fading red eyes are captivated by the diamond-like gleam of the Paladin...for once the dark figure feels what fear is.
the paladin moves in so fast that to the dark figure he appears as nothing but a blur...the battle ends with the dark figure tasting the Paladin victorious treat.
i kneel down...it is over now, i say in my mind, it is over. i reach and pull the helm over the dark knight... to my horror and disbelief it is me .
(the paladin traumatized by what he has seen stumbles to get back on his feet)...
he looks back only once...walking, remembering his passed life...everything that has come and gone..people, who shall now only be a memory...his deeds done, and words spoken...
with blood now covering his eyes, he puts his helmet on. looking neither forward nor back as he slowly walks the path into the dark night. tears wash the thoughts down his long face... the bright beacon of light begins to fade in the distance.
one thing i wrote long ago ironicly in a alcoholic haze proberly best fits how i currently feel now
( The Last Paladin )
I rest my back upon a tree, using my sword as a crutch i lean and look over the land. as quickly as the wind of time which blows past my now grey hair a blanket of haunting mist plows over this land. i look down at myself, my armour is covered in blood, my blood. my wounds are deep and painful...
the battle has weakened me...i need to rest. my mind wanders back to a time when peace filled my soul... memories of happiness are the only comfort in this dark place.
emptyness fills me
i shed a single lonely tear... it flows from my eye like the blood seeping from my wounds. I lower my head in silence...
this moment is broken as i hear a thunder... the wind screams at me like unholy wraiths... my plates of armour clatter as the thunder races across the sky... i hear laughter, so i look to see a dark figure holding a sword in one hand... my eyes meet the glowing blood red eyes protruding from the shadow... it is him again. (still feeble) from the pain I push off my crutch... gathering my stance as i draw my sword.
the pain of my wounds is great, however, i will not show weakness... i stand my ground. (the Paladin stands, in this place of darkness against an enemy that is his equal) ( and knowing he is wounded badly, and that the odds are not in his favor... he does not fluster, he does not back down).
they go blow for blow... strike for strike... every attack counter met by the other... its like the struggle of light over darkness...love over hate...resolution over pain, until the cycle is quickly broken... the Paladin has been struck down... the dark figure stands over what he thinks to be an easy victory...
my strength is all but gone... i'm screaming inside... i'm the only light that shines in this dark place... i have tried so hard, i have battled so long...i've grown tired. i need loving arms to embrace me. i want to hear words of love... but all i hear is the undying thud of pain. my mind clouds with rage. the once soft-light bearing candle of my soul has now become infuriated and burns with powerful fuel...like the breath of a dragon.
(the Paladin rises to his feet, trapping the pain in a place to far away for him to feel... refusing to let the dark figure have this victory).
the Paladin playfully points his sword towards the dark figure...as if taunting him to strike... their swords meet in mid air... words are exchanged... the dark figure laughs, then is silent... the fading red eyes are captivated by the diamond-like gleam of the Paladin...for once the dark figure feels what fear is.
the paladin moves in so fast that to the dark figure he appears as nothing but a blur...the battle ends with the dark figure tasting the Paladin victorious treat.
i kneel down...it is over now, i say in my mind, it is over. i reach and pull the helm over the dark knight... to my horror and disbelief it is me .
(the paladin traumatized by what he has seen stumbles to get back on his feet)...
he looks back only once...walking, remembering his passed life...everything that has come and gone..people, who shall now only be a memory...his deeds done, and words spoken...
with blood now covering his eyes, he puts his helmet on. looking neither forward nor back as he slowly walks the path into the dark night. tears wash the thoughts down his long face... the bright beacon of light begins to fade in the distance.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
That's kind of a good way of looking at it.
I looked at it as 'what falls away'. What fell away from me in my life was a lot the negative, false, toxic stuff,. What I was left with was the core of my true self, my soul. That was an amazing starting point to begin recovery.
I looked at it as 'what falls away'. What fell away from me in my life was a lot the negative, false, toxic stuff,. What I was left with was the core of my true self, my soul. That was an amazing starting point to begin recovery.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Just wanted to say Welcome to you! Glad that you found us
A lot of good support above!
Please check out our other forums as well-there is a wealth of information
here!
Keep posting!
A lot of good support above!
Please check out our other forums as well-there is a wealth of information
here!
Keep posting!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: mass
Posts: 9
well it seems things just get worse, my step father took 3x the dose of gabapentin type of nerve suppressant come to find out doctor might hve cut him off from reg pain meds and he's depressed ,,becasue me thou i used oxy moderately never let control me my mother also took them i think it's cause this doctor cut him off so im responsible, just another boulder on my back to carry normally i try to fix everything or least mitigate the damage and tension of every one around me for the sake of my sanity atm im useing every friggin once will power i got to keep my self going, i can't draw strength from around me i'm running on 50% portugee stubborness 50% will power
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Langley, BC
Posts: 1,007
you can only worry about you, not about everyone else. not right now anyways. you have to get yourself to a "good place" in your life before you can help others.
just worry about you right now. and stubborness is a great quality to have in fighting addiction!!!!!!!!!!
just worry about you right now. and stubborness is a great quality to have in fighting addiction!!!!!!!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: mass
Posts: 9
yeah i haven't cracked yet, but i feel it, it sucks i wish it was just somthing i can fight hand to hand nervousness of everything around me and in me has caged and in constant " fight or flight" i know i gotta help my self first but i don't care about that worryed about what will happen if my step father does have to be hospitalized how will i keep roof over my kids head, how will i pay the bills im not working but looking for some ,, going thorugh withdrawl i was just about calming down and now just feel so condemned,, i keep trying to analyze everything find a solution keep getting stuck in repeat
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Indianapolis
Posts: 23
Welcome to this forum.....I just recently found my way here too.....I hope u are feeling better today....Withdrawls from opiates really really suck.
But just think after this is over u will never have to do it again....the first couple days are really terrible and espcially if u are coming of Oxy.....I am 8 days clean today and I am hoping most of my withdrawls have past.
I actually feel much better physically today although all day long I keep thinking I really could use some pills to put me in a better mood.....Those darn cravings they are about ready to kill me!!!
Keep posting and let us know how u are doing.....Chin up
But just think after this is over u will never have to do it again....the first couple days are really terrible and espcially if u are coming of Oxy.....I am 8 days clean today and I am hoping most of my withdrawls have past.
I actually feel much better physically today although all day long I keep thinking I really could use some pills to put me in a better mood.....Those darn cravings they are about ready to kill me!!!
Keep posting and let us know how u are doing.....Chin up
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: mass
Posts: 9
really don't crave oxy oddy i just wanna find a solution to my problems and be happy
it seems my world is falling down around me if i had some i could take it then what?? be happy for a while problem is still there and when they run out im back to day 1 right now i feel like that new song ( haunted ) from disturbed been listening to it a few times words keep resonating thorugh me "You're broken, so am I
I'm better off alone
No one to turn to and nothing to call my own
Outspoken, so am I
Explosive words that your
world wouldn't understand
Turn away again
You're beaten, so am I
I've got a heart of stone
No medication can cure what has taken hold
You're hurting, so am I
A land of darkness from which I cannot return
You're frightened, so am I
A world of demons wait
Watching the movements and
filling my heart with hate
starting to understand the hard way it's not the addiction, or the pain you have to worry about the most it's your will to live to find deep inside your soul reason to fight
im still looking trying to understand what thing, what bit of me keep my mind stationary and bound to sanity
it seems my world is falling down around me if i had some i could take it then what?? be happy for a while problem is still there and when they run out im back to day 1 right now i feel like that new song ( haunted ) from disturbed been listening to it a few times words keep resonating thorugh me "You're broken, so am I
I'm better off alone
No one to turn to and nothing to call my own
Outspoken, so am I
Explosive words that your
world wouldn't understand
Turn away again
You're beaten, so am I
I've got a heart of stone
No medication can cure what has taken hold
You're hurting, so am I
A land of darkness from which I cannot return
You're frightened, so am I
A world of demons wait
Watching the movements and
filling my heart with hate
starting to understand the hard way it's not the addiction, or the pain you have to worry about the most it's your will to live to find deep inside your soul reason to fight
im still looking trying to understand what thing, what bit of me keep my mind stationary and bound to sanity
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: mass
Posts: 9
3:12 am finally had to call for help step father was getting outta hand paranoia people following him,money is marked ect sorta things which was ok but mixed with meds that are suppose to damper/change way brain feels pain i think it also effected way he thinks , yeah my nerves are cmpletely shot
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: mass
Posts: 9
feeling better in terms of withdrawl.. still worryed about my step father i haven'r slept in 2+ days my nerves are still shot i tryed taking a muscle relaxer to calm down it worked just a little,, trying to get doctor vist to hamer this crud out once and for all but it's about the same thou i think whats has been gonig on just managed to amplify left over withdrawls im thirsty all the time, my nerves are shot, im depressed but i guess i feel it's depressed as in hopelessness i feel depressed as in lonely, some weird reason beyound me i feel extremely drawn to goto places in my memory THIS bothers me too i don't know why it's powerful draw like spot in woods up on 9 story solid round rock over looknig city near by , or stone wall near pond where i visted with a ex a few times
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