New and I want to become sober, but I have this hesitation..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 10
New and I want to become sober, but I have this hesitation..
Would if I'm not an alcoholic?
I'm pretty sure I am--my father was and my brother is, I've got a reputation among my friends for drinking a lot, I've had a few bad times related to drinking that I'm not too proud of-- in fact rather ashamed of -- but I still am having trouble pulling the trigger on the decision, seeing as I'm only 19 and it's difficult to see for sure if I am an alcoholic.
I haven't had any DUI's, haven't really hit a rockbottom, only drink on the weekends, never had an "eye-opener"--- things like this make me hesitant.
Also, I'm a shy and reserved person and like how alcohol loosens me up, so it's really hard for me to see having a social life that I would enjoy and be able to hang out with my friends without alcohol. It has been a social crutch for me, and it's difficult to give it up and to go back to my reserved self--even though I've only been drinking for a year and a half.
Can anyone relate to these feelings? Or have any advice about how to settle them? Like I said, I think I am an alcoholic, it's just difficult to make the decision, esp. now being in college and everything. Thanks for any input.
I'm pretty sure I am--my father was and my brother is, I've got a reputation among my friends for drinking a lot, I've had a few bad times related to drinking that I'm not too proud of-- in fact rather ashamed of -- but I still am having trouble pulling the trigger on the decision, seeing as I'm only 19 and it's difficult to see for sure if I am an alcoholic.
I haven't had any DUI's, haven't really hit a rockbottom, only drink on the weekends, never had an "eye-opener"--- things like this make me hesitant.
Also, I'm a shy and reserved person and like how alcohol loosens me up, so it's really hard for me to see having a social life that I would enjoy and be able to hang out with my friends without alcohol. It has been a social crutch for me, and it's difficult to give it up and to go back to my reserved self--even though I've only been drinking for a year and a half.
Can anyone relate to these feelings? Or have any advice about how to settle them? Like I said, I think I am an alcoholic, it's just difficult to make the decision, esp. now being in college and everything. Thanks for any input.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: CA
Posts: 357
Hi james---so many can relate!
I think it is amazing that you are asking these questions at 19. I am also very reserved and I used alcohol as a social crutch. I didn't come to terms with it as problematic until I was 27. I went to clubs, I played in bands-sometimes so wasted that I could barely stand, let alone play.
It isn't easy to give up the social cloak of drinking, and I found that I had to change my lifestyle. That was hard at first. But not nearly as hard as what I faced by ignoring the issue. Believe me, it only gets worse. This is not to suggest that you are an alcoholic. But if you are questioning it, it is worth examining.
I think it is amazing that you are asking these questions at 19. I am also very reserved and I used alcohol as a social crutch. I didn't come to terms with it as problematic until I was 27. I went to clubs, I played in bands-sometimes so wasted that I could barely stand, let alone play.
It isn't easy to give up the social cloak of drinking, and I found that I had to change my lifestyle. That was hard at first. But not nearly as hard as what I faced by ignoring the issue. Believe me, it only gets worse. This is not to suggest that you are an alcoholic. But if you are questioning it, it is worth examining.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: CA
Posts: 357
PS-sometimes when I went to AA meetings and listened to people talk about their "bottom", my mind was twisted enough to think "Well, I have never been that bad! Maybe I can keep drinking!". Shees! Trust me, the bottoms are not worth the brag, nor the experience.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Hi James and welcome to SR!
I think it's great you're questioning this, especially at your age.I didn't look at my drinking as a problem until I was 45 and had done a lot of damage by then.
No one can tell you if you're an alcoholic but the fact you're wondering about it is good.I understand how difficult it must be-thinking about your social life going down the drain if you stop drinking, but you may find that it really wasn't as much 'fun' as you thought it was.Being at a party completely sober and watching people get trashed can be quite an eye opener.
I suggest you stay here for a while and read the many posts on these boards.You may find you identify with some of them and they may give you some clue about where you stand in relation to alcohol.I think it's wonderful you're reaching out.There's a ton of support here if you want it.Hang around!
Jules
I think it's great you're questioning this, especially at your age.I didn't look at my drinking as a problem until I was 45 and had done a lot of damage by then.
No one can tell you if you're an alcoholic but the fact you're wondering about it is good.I understand how difficult it must be-thinking about your social life going down the drain if you stop drinking, but you may find that it really wasn't as much 'fun' as you thought it was.Being at a party completely sober and watching people get trashed can be quite an eye opener.
I suggest you stay here for a while and read the many posts on these boards.You may find you identify with some of them and they may give you some clue about where you stand in relation to alcohol.I think it's wonderful you're reaching out.There's a ton of support here if you want it.Hang around!
Jules
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
I could have written this James.
I ignored the niggling doubt and drak for 15 years - ended up literally doing nothing but drinking all day long....
it's insidious stuff...and it does get worse the longer you do it. I dunno if I started out an alcoholic, but I became one.
Be smarter than I was. Listen to your fear.
D
I ignored the niggling doubt and drak for 15 years - ended up literally doing nothing but drinking all day long....
it's insidious stuff...and it does get worse the longer you do it. I dunno if I started out an alcoholic, but I became one.
Be smarter than I was. Listen to your fear.
D
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
I was a problem drinker by age 18--definitely full-blown alcoholic by age 23. Most people don't have to question whether alcohol may/may not be a problem in their lives. If you think you might have have a problem--chances are that you do>you don't have to wait til your life is a wreck--like mine was--before you seek help. I see more and more young people in AA everyday...some even have a few years sober before their 21 st b-day. Only you can say whether or not you are an alcoholic. Hang around here--keep posting! Maybe check out an AA meeting if you want...just to listen to some other stories--see if you can relate. Did any of your other family members seek help through AA or any other program?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 10
Thanks everybody, I really appreciate reading your input.
In response to Angelina: yes, my brother sought help through AA (and first went to rehab), while my father stopped drinking with the help of a therapist I believe.
You distinguish between being a problem drinker at 18 and an alcoholic at 23---when someone is a problem drinker, is it too late to reverse the trend? As in, does it mean they will become an alcoholic unless they stop drinking?
I ask this in case that would be my status now---and if it is, if I can reverse it and still learn to moderate my drinking.
Thanks again for everyone's input.
In response to Angelina: yes, my brother sought help through AA (and first went to rehab), while my father stopped drinking with the help of a therapist I believe.
You distinguish between being a problem drinker at 18 and an alcoholic at 23---when someone is a problem drinker, is it too late to reverse the trend? As in, does it mean they will become an alcoholic unless they stop drinking?
I ask this in case that would be my status now---and if it is, if I can reverse it and still learn to moderate my drinking.
Thanks again for everyone's input.
Today's Muse
Join Date: May 2007
Location: West end
Posts: 1,081
Alcoholism is a progressive disease. I started drinking when I was a teen. The light switch seemed to go off and the love affair began. It wasn't until later in life when the real problems began. When I drank, I drank to get drunk and just didn't have the ability to stop. I never managed to moderate. Many of us can't. The only way to set myself free from the burden was to abstain entirely. Good luck and kudos for willing to explore the idea that you may have a problem. I hope you don't do what I did and waste 20+ years trying to figure it out.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
James, the first thing that caught my attention is that you said you think you are an alcoholic. Normal drinkers don't question if they have a problem with alcohol or not. Only people who have a 'problem' with it question it. I only drank for a little over a year! But within 6 months I 'knew' I had a "problem". As to the difference between a "problem drinker" and an "alcoholic" - that may only be a difference in definition. An alcoholic has a problem with alcohol. Period. So the fact that you think you have a problem indicates that you DO have a problem.
Please don't let alcohol do any more damage in your life. Don't wait until you have hit bottom. Try AA. Go to several meetings. Do whatever you have to do to regain control over your life. Don't let alcohol get the better of you.
:ghug3
Please don't let alcohol do any more damage in your life. Don't wait until you have hit bottom. Try AA. Go to several meetings. Do whatever you have to do to regain control over your life. Don't let alcohol get the better of you.
:ghug3
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Good to see you here with us....
You may find this article interesting
How We Get Addicted - TIME
Welcome to SR
You may find this article interesting
How We Get Addicted - TIME
Welcome to SR
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 1
New to this
HI! I love this website. I am female alcoholic and so are my two sisters. Last night I thought I would relax with a glass of wine. Two bottles later, I don't remember going to bed. My poor husband probably had to walk me. I started treatment for depression recently, and today, after reading posts on this site and hearing other's stories, I realized that my alcohol abuse is probably responsible for how crummy I feel. I can assure you, James, that alcoholism runs in families. Both of my sisters have been hospitalized for it. They are both sober now (recently) and I need help cleaning myself up. I never wanted to say the dreaded "A" word, but I have to. I kept thinking, well, if I do, I'll never be able to enjoy a glass of wine or have drinks on vacation. But I don't have just one glass. Once I'm in, I am all in. Is there a mourning period when people decide to try sobriety? I am really scared about life without booze.
*Grateful*
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,619
Hi James,
I started drinking to get drunk at probably 16 or 17. Every weekend I would go w/ friends down to Tijuana cuz the drinking age was 18 and I got into all the bars down there at 17. I was always the drunk one of all my friends. I can barely remember on numerous times they had to help me to the car as I would be spouting off to the federalies down there. (man I am lucky!)
I then discovered meth at age 22 or so so I switched addictions and thought, hey, well, so I'm not an alcoholic, I don't drink anymore! major denial. I used meth daily for 4 years and almost died. I did get clean and stayed clean for a number of years, then it was opiates....UGH!
If you want to find out if you are an alcoholic, try quiting for 6 months or so. see if you can do it. there are actually tests on the internet too to see if you are.
Get help now! It is gonna only get worse.
welcome to SR!
Sheila
I started drinking to get drunk at probably 16 or 17. Every weekend I would go w/ friends down to Tijuana cuz the drinking age was 18 and I got into all the bars down there at 17. I was always the drunk one of all my friends. I can barely remember on numerous times they had to help me to the car as I would be spouting off to the federalies down there. (man I am lucky!)
I then discovered meth at age 22 or so so I switched addictions and thought, hey, well, so I'm not an alcoholic, I don't drink anymore! major denial. I used meth daily for 4 years and almost died. I did get clean and stayed clean for a number of years, then it was opiates....UGH!
If you want to find out if you are an alcoholic, try quiting for 6 months or so. see if you can do it. there are actually tests on the internet too to see if you are.
Get help now! It is gonna only get worse.
welcome to SR!
Sheila
Last edited by Lily; 06-30-2008 at 05:06 PM.
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Austinmini,
Yes, there is depression!! You have just lost your best friend.
Don't worry about not drinking forever, just TODAY!
The alcohol is going no where, so don't worry about it.
Today if i get a craving I think it all the way through.
Because it is NEVER a question as to whether I want a glass of wine, it is a question of whether I want to get drunk today.
Because if I drank I would get drunk!
Yes, there is depression!! You have just lost your best friend.
Don't worry about not drinking forever, just TODAY!
The alcohol is going no where, so don't worry about it.
Today if i get a craving I think it all the way through.
Because it is NEVER a question as to whether I want a glass of wine, it is a question of whether I want to get drunk today.
Because if I drank I would get drunk!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 102
Originally Posted by TTOSBT 
Austinmini,
Yes, there is depression!! You have just lost your best friend.
Don't worry about not drinking forever, just TODAY!
The alcohol is going no where, so don't worry about it.
Today if i get a craving I think it all the way through.
Because it is NEVER a question as to whether I want a glass of wine, it is a question of whether I want to get drunk today.
Because if I drank I would get drunk!
Yes, there is depression!! You have just lost your best friend.
Don't worry about not drinking forever, just TODAY!
The alcohol is going no where, so don't worry about it.
Today if i get a craving I think it all the way through.
Because it is NEVER a question as to whether I want a glass of wine, it is a question of whether I want to get drunk today.
Because if I drank I would get drunk!
I haven't lost anyone. Regardless, those are sound words of advice.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Miamisburg, Ohio
Posts: 217
Hi James and welcome,
I'd like to share some of my experience as an extremely shy introverted teenager.
When I started drinking amazing things happened! Sure, there was the occassional embarrassing moments and episodes, but the payoff was, that for the first time in my life girls were talking to me and that led to numerous sexual encounters.
What I never considered was this; I was shy and used alcohol to change myself into what I thought I wanted to be. Problem was this, I was going to be shy my entire life and didn't consider the fact that using alcohol stopped me from ever overcoming this fear of people. Why work on myself when it was too easy to hid in the bottle.
Of course, I only got worse. Looking back, I can see how I thought alcohol was changing me into this great person when what it was really doing was keeping me from being the person I was supposed to become.
Today I see alcohol for what it was, and is, for me...a cop-out.
I'm still relatively shy, but I'm getting better, each day. I can work on my shortcomings, the things that bother me about myself, and make progress, if I try and resist the easy way out which for me is drinking.
I've found that there are worse things I can be than shy. I've also come to believe that being an alcoholic isn't so bad....if I don't drink.
Peace to you James
I'd like to share some of my experience as an extremely shy introverted teenager.
When I started drinking amazing things happened! Sure, there was the occassional embarrassing moments and episodes, but the payoff was, that for the first time in my life girls were talking to me and that led to numerous sexual encounters.
What I never considered was this; I was shy and used alcohol to change myself into what I thought I wanted to be. Problem was this, I was going to be shy my entire life and didn't consider the fact that using alcohol stopped me from ever overcoming this fear of people. Why work on myself when it was too easy to hid in the bottle.
Of course, I only got worse. Looking back, I can see how I thought alcohol was changing me into this great person when what it was really doing was keeping me from being the person I was supposed to become.
Today I see alcohol for what it was, and is, for me...a cop-out.
I'm still relatively shy, but I'm getting better, each day. I can work on my shortcomings, the things that bother me about myself, and make progress, if I try and resist the easy way out which for me is drinking.
I've found that there are worse things I can be than shy. I've also come to believe that being an alcoholic isn't so bad....if I don't drink.
Peace to you James
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Elgee....Welcome!
I too am a woman alcoholic and I found my solution
in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Have you or your sisters considered attending?
There was not for me. I was too depressed
from drinking to care how I was going
to move into recovery. I do see others
share abot this...it's just not my experience.
Do keep in touch....glad you are here with us.
I too am a woman alcoholic and I found my solution
in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Have you or your sisters considered attending?
Is there a mourning period when people decide to try sobriety?
from drinking to care how I was going
to move into recovery. I do see others
share abot this...it's just not my experience.
Do keep in touch....glad you are here with us.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Langley, BC
Posts: 1,007
James, I'm so glad you are taking the first step to work through this. You are smart to do it now before you waste any more time in your life, and wait to find out what your "rock bottom" is. trust me, don't wait until you get there. Do your best to sort things out now - what an amazing life you have ahead of you if you do! I wish you all the best.
Elgee - welcome! I spent a lot of time wondering what the connection was between all my family's addictions, and mine. Then I realized I was wasting too much time wondering about it - and not enough time trying to stop the cycle. I am just getting to that point now. I hope things go well for you - work really hard at this..........trust me....you'll be glad you did!
it's an amazing first step you've taken - now continue on with your journey.
Elgee - welcome! I spent a lot of time wondering what the connection was between all my family's addictions, and mine. Then I realized I was wasting too much time wondering about it - and not enough time trying to stop the cycle. I am just getting to that point now. I hope things go well for you - work really hard at this..........trust me....you'll be glad you did!
it's an amazing first step you've taken - now continue on with your journey.
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