it's tearing me apart
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 7
it's tearing me apart
I'm going to do some ranting and self loathing... sorry if this bothers anyone but I am a hair away from drinking again and I need to release some frustration. This is the 6th day since my last drink. I haven't been sober for six days in two years. Every morning as I start to fall asleep I am so incredible proud of myself for making it another day it brings a smile to my face. I want to make it through tonight. I know all too well the kinds of illogical thinking this disease can create. I know the "hunger" will eventually subside, but i'm in an internal strugle. Over the years i've lost friends and family because of my drinking, but recently I lost my job and this is where i drew the line (or redrawn for that matter). Today I had to deal with the financial consequences and it seems like the world has come crashing down. I can hear that all too familiar "just one night of drinking" kind of reasoning from the alcoholic that was my former self. I know "one night" will lead to months of drinking. I know this is my "golden opportunity" to rid myself of an activity I absolutely abhor, but today that awful voice in me is strong. I just want to do something that will distract me from that voice, but tonight nothing seems to be working. For every sentence I write on this post I get up from the computer chair and pace around the house for five minutes. I think to myself the euphoria I will be in as I take that first drink and that feeling of "nothing matters" starts to hit me. I close my eyes and I can taste it, and I open them and realize the wretched state I will be in tommorow should I decide to drink. I can't stand this internal conflict much longer; I am going for a drive and hope I don't bring anything back. I just want to make it through tonight, I don't care what happens tommorow.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 700
Originally Posted by redemption 
I think to myself the euphoria I will be in as I take that first drink and that feeling of "nothing matters" starts to hit me. I close my eyes and I can taste it, and I open them and realize the wretched state I will be in tommorow should I decide to drink.
Keep fighting that urge.
I will pray for you tonight.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Prayers for your peace of mind
and your sobriety.
Have you considered AA?
It's an awesome place for understanding and support.
When I wanted to drink in early sobriety
I timed my cravings.
They were 5-7 minutes in duration.
I took action...brushed my teeth...walked...danced around the room
ate a Lifesaver...sang aloud....showered ...
anything!
Hope you will overcome and stay focused.
and your sobriety.
Have you considered AA?
It's an awesome place for understanding and support.
When I wanted to drink in early sobriety
I timed my cravings.
They were 5-7 minutes in duration.
I took action...brushed my teeth...walked...danced around the room
ate a Lifesaver...sang aloud....showered ...
anything!Hope you will overcome and stay focused.
Certified Scrabble Cheat!
Join Date: May 2008
Location: The Hill City, MS
Posts: 316
Originally Posted by redemption
I know this is my "golden opportunity" to rid myself of an activity I absolutely abhor, but today that awful voice in me is strong. I just want to do something that will distract me from that voice, but tonight nothing seems to be working....
If I may say something to you as I have said to others. Just remember that that the voice telling you to have a drink is not a real monkey. It is you. Now, just put on some war-paint, make some real gutteral sounds (like a pirate) and make yourself bigger, badder, meaner, crappier, scappier hard headier and a butt-load tougher than that punk trying to get you to take that shot of juice and just tell him (or her) to KYA. That you are not going to give in!! GOT IT!!!! GOOD!!!!
Thanks and have nice evening.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Redemption, you're doing the right thing by changing your environment for a few minutes. I think it will help. I understand you are feeling bad, and I know how the addict mind loves those times. It will remind you that a drink could make you feel better. But, recognize it for what it is. You know, that in the morning you'll feel worse, and the problem will still be there.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
So familiar to me, Redemption - what you're going through. I did it over & over again for decades. I now have 5 months without it - if I can do it, it's possible for anyone to. I was drinking 24/7 in the end - kept one by my bed to sip on during the night when I'd wake up shaking. That is not living. I'll pray for you to have the strength to fight - please keep us informed, we'll be here to see you through. Congratulations on your decision to rid yourself of the beast.
...Welcome to SR!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 7
I thought I had posted what helped me through that night yesterday but apparently I didn't press the submit button :/ Silly me. Change my surroundings (long drive), give myself some distractions (movie), and give myself something to love and do with my hands (dog )... I think out of all of those, the constant petting and belly rubbing of the dog helped the most. Keep up the good fight all.
)... I think out of all of those, the constant petting and belly rubbing of the dog helped the most. Keep up the good fight all.
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