Do any of you ever back read?
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Do any of you ever back read?
Your threads and posts?
Mostly your own threads.
I do it every now and again to remind myself of alot of things.
I have just spent the past almost hour reading my very first threads.
They are very erratic and just all over the place.
I kept saying. This .this and this is wrong..I feel so bad. Oh But I'm not depressed.
And the anger and just the resistance I had is amazing to me right now.
I was so lost and new to recovery and just so not willing.
I was very confrontational. I am so surprised I wasnt banned because of a couple of them.
The ones who know me from last year. Know exactly what I am talking about.
I was awful.
Even though I havent gotten any real clean time. But I see such a huge change in my whole attitude of it all.
For the better. I mean I have my days like everyone. But before i wasnt hearing noone.
Today I am open to everything. And am so grateful for the time everyone takes to give me the support and advice I get. EVen if it isnt what I want to hear.
Last year I would have gotten into full blown arguements with everyone for nothing.
I dont know what the point is of this thread.
I was just very moved by reading back on last year.
I do believe I am going to get it someday.
I am growing everyday. Not just by not using. It is just so much more to it than that.
I feel I have grown as a person. Inside and how I perceive things. My attitude and willingness. Behavior and thoughts.
Not using to me is the easy part.
Goodness. I know I wouldnt be where I am today without this place and alot of you here who stood by me. Even in my most deepest darkest moments.
I dont know. I am just very very thankful right now.
I pray for those struggling. For the ones who are where I was and can be at times.
It takes time. But we do grow if we try. We arent perfect. We make mistakes. But we have to deal with ourselves in order to grow.
Ok enough out of me.
Just having a moment.
Mostly your own threads.
I do it every now and again to remind myself of alot of things.
I have just spent the past almost hour reading my very first threads.
They are very erratic and just all over the place.
I kept saying. This .this and this is wrong..I feel so bad. Oh But I'm not depressed.
And the anger and just the resistance I had is amazing to me right now.
I was so lost and new to recovery and just so not willing.
I was very confrontational. I am so surprised I wasnt banned because of a couple of them.
The ones who know me from last year. Know exactly what I am talking about.
I was awful.
Even though I havent gotten any real clean time. But I see such a huge change in my whole attitude of it all.
For the better. I mean I have my days like everyone. But before i wasnt hearing noone.
Today I am open to everything. And am so grateful for the time everyone takes to give me the support and advice I get. EVen if it isnt what I want to hear.
Last year I would have gotten into full blown arguements with everyone for nothing.
I dont know what the point is of this thread.
I was just very moved by reading back on last year.
I do believe I am going to get it someday.
I am growing everyday. Not just by not using. It is just so much more to it than that.
I feel I have grown as a person. Inside and how I perceive things. My attitude and willingness. Behavior and thoughts.
Not using to me is the easy part.
Goodness. I know I wouldnt be where I am today without this place and alot of you here who stood by me. Even in my most deepest darkest moments.
I dont know. I am just very very thankful right now.
I pray for those struggling. For the ones who are where I was and can be at times.
It takes time. But we do grow if we try. We arent perfect. We make mistakes. But we have to deal with ourselves in order to grow.
Ok enough out of me.
Just having a moment.
Stopping the Train...
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Sevierville, TN - in the valley of the Great Smoky Mountains
Posts: 978
Awe Chi! My moment of mooshiness was last night. I typed a very deep moment in my only thread.
I only have that one...but I've made a dozen posts in it at least. I've gone over them at least that many times, too. I think it's good to go back over old notes, posts and battles. You can see exactly how far you've come which means how much you've grown. I think everyone should do this from time to time. Kinda helps give a progress report with a time line...:-)
I only have that one...but I've made a dozen posts in it at least. I've gone over them at least that many times, too. I think it's good to go back over old notes, posts and battles. You can see exactly how far you've come which means how much you've grown. I think everyone should do this from time to time. Kinda helps give a progress report with a time line...:-)
Certified Scrabble Cheat!
Join Date: May 2008
Location: The Hill City, MS
Posts: 316
I can certainly read a difference in your posts from my short time here. It is a good thing. It's good to see one of us coming out of the gloom . We all care so much about each other. Thanks for sharing the post with us.
Wooli
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Sheffield, England
Posts: 433
I have admitted to some really quite embarrassing things on one of the other (football) boards I post on whilst drunk. I read back the next day and think why did I type that 
6 days of sober posting and it is now me watching the other board members posting rubbish whilst drunk and I dread to think some of the stuff I didn't check back on.
6 days of sober posting and it is now me watching the other board members posting rubbish whilst drunk and I dread to think some of the stuff I didn't check back on.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Trish,
I remember you well, and you weren't awful, not at all.
You were, maybe a wee bit stubborn!
I also believe you will get it. I think that's why you keep coming back and keep trying. It's not easy, but I have faith that you will find your way.
I remember you well, and you weren't awful, not at all.
You were, maybe a wee bit stubborn!
I also believe you will get it. I think that's why you keep coming back and keep trying. It's not easy, but I have faith that you will find your way.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Originally Posted by 51anna 
Trish,
You were, maybe a wee bit stubborn!
You were, maybe a wee bit stubborn!
No wonder I couldn't remember what you were talking about when you say you were difficult.
I guess when a stubborn person looks at another stubborn person..they only see normal *LOL*
When you look back...don't see it as a negative. See it as how much you have grown. Feel the joy of your growth as you let it fill your spirit.
A nice place to look back on (other then your own posts) The best of SR
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
But there is a fine line I thinkg as far as looking back is concerned.
Like there was a thread not too long ago about whats the stupidest thing you did while using. Or somthing like that.
It is one thing to look back on the pain you caused and went through. To reflect on the past in order to heal. But it is quite another to look back and say ..HAHA..Boy I was crazy..that was some funny ****.
Nothing in my past is funny.
Now I am not sayin it is for eveyone. Maybe some people need to look back and remember the times they walked into a wall or fell over nothing and cracked their head open. Or peed on themselves in the middle of a store or something like that.
To me..I did have what I thought were fun times using.
But the cost of those times were no where near worth it.
And the misery most certainly outweighs everything else. That fun time only lasted for that moment. What I did for that fun is effecting me a lifetime.
I do grow from looking back. I have to as well to remind myself where I came from.
I need that remonder to drive me to keep going.
But war stories are just plain stupid IMO.
So there is a difference to me at what it is that you reflect on.
Like there was a thread not too long ago about whats the stupidest thing you did while using. Or somthing like that.
It is one thing to look back on the pain you caused and went through. To reflect on the past in order to heal. But it is quite another to look back and say ..HAHA..Boy I was crazy..that was some funny ****.
Nothing in my past is funny.
Now I am not sayin it is for eveyone. Maybe some people need to look back and remember the times they walked into a wall or fell over nothing and cracked their head open. Or peed on themselves in the middle of a store or something like that.
To me..I did have what I thought were fun times using.
But the cost of those times were no where near worth it.
And the misery most certainly outweighs everything else. That fun time only lasted for that moment. What I did for that fun is effecting me a lifetime.
I do grow from looking back. I have to as well to remind myself where I came from.
I need that remonder to drive me to keep going.
But war stories are just plain stupid IMO.
So there is a difference to me at what it is that you reflect on.
"Welcome To The Future..."
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: WV
Posts: 224
Chi Chi,
My darling, I know exactly what the point of this thread is!!!!
To show how much you've grown; where you came from; where you are now; and where you are going!
The real Trish is one of the most loving people I've come to meet here at SR. You have helped me through rough times, and I can see in you a sweet angel who was once wounded but is growing leaps and bounds from where you once were.
Words cannot really express how deeply worried I was for you a few weeks ago. Thank God, literally, that you came out of that unscathed and ready to fight for the person you are meant to be. God put you on this Earth for a reason, my friend, and it wasn't to use drugs and be hurtful. It is to be a kind friend who lifts up others in their times of need!
So, chi chi, thanks for always being there for me. I'm here for you, and you better know that I mean that from the depths of my soul! You're an incredible person who has lived through some of the scariest, unimaginable events that I hope you will never go through again! Keep that in mind as you continue your quest for sobriety. Don't worry. It will all fall in place when it is supposed to. Just keep yourself in check in the meantime! I'll be talking to you soon! Keep up the incredible work sweetie!
Love you,
butterfly19 (SP)
My darling, I know exactly what the point of this thread is!!!!
To show how much you've grown; where you came from; where you are now; and where you are going!
The real Trish is one of the most loving people I've come to meet here at SR. You have helped me through rough times, and I can see in you a sweet angel who was once wounded but is growing leaps and bounds from where you once were.
Words cannot really express how deeply worried I was for you a few weeks ago. Thank God, literally, that you came out of that unscathed and ready to fight for the person you are meant to be. God put you on this Earth for a reason, my friend, and it wasn't to use drugs and be hurtful. It is to be a kind friend who lifts up others in their times of need!
So, chi chi, thanks for always being there for me. I'm here for you, and you better know that I mean that from the depths of my soul! You're an incredible person who has lived through some of the scariest, unimaginable events that I hope you will never go through again! Keep that in mind as you continue your quest for sobriety. Don't worry. It will all fall in place when it is supposed to. Just keep yourself in check in the meantime! I'll be talking to you soon! Keep up the incredible work sweetie!
Love you,
butterfly19 (SP)
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