Mental ooze
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: CA
Posts: 357
Mental ooze
Hi all. I am fairly new here; I have been posting and visiting a lot, but I promise I am not a predator (ha). I am just lost and lonely and scared about living sober.
I am facing the idea of getting sober again and am realizing that I just don't want to face all of the psycho-emotional issues that remain unresolved in my life. Call me a coward, if you will. I just can't make sense of things anymore, and I couldn't do so even before I relapsed into drinking again! This time around, I am having trouble pulling myself out of addiction because I don't feel like I have much of a reason to be on this planet. Yikes!
I would love to hear from you. Let's share some coping techniques! Please respect that I am not an AA person (so please don't advise that I go to meetings--I'd rather hear your personal stories), although I deeply respect what it does for those it works for.
Thanks!
I am facing the idea of getting sober again and am realizing that I just don't want to face all of the psycho-emotional issues that remain unresolved in my life. Call me a coward, if you will. I just can't make sense of things anymore, and I couldn't do so even before I relapsed into drinking again! This time around, I am having trouble pulling myself out of addiction because I don't feel like I have much of a reason to be on this planet. Yikes!
I would love to hear from you. Let's share some coping techniques! Please respect that I am not an AA person (so please don't advise that I go to meetings--I'd rather hear your personal stories), although I deeply respect what it does for those it works for.
Thanks!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi Soozie
I've got a lot of stuff that I continue to work through in sobriety. An addictions counsellor, and group therapy helped me with this. Also sharing with others on a one-to-one basis helped to validate my experience. That's my 2 cents. Talk about it. Drinking just keeps you stuck in that endless cycle of pain, avoidance, shame, etc.
There are also a lot of good books out there. I am re-reading Dry by Augusten Burrows. Another good one is Drinking, A love story. Both are biographies of alcoholics who share their personal experiences getting sober.
Getter sober is hard work! But worth it!
I've got a lot of stuff that I continue to work through in sobriety. An addictions counsellor, and group therapy helped me with this. Also sharing with others on a one-to-one basis helped to validate my experience. That's my 2 cents. Talk about it. Drinking just keeps you stuck in that endless cycle of pain, avoidance, shame, etc.
There are also a lot of good books out there. I am re-reading Dry by Augusten Burrows. Another good one is Drinking, A love story. Both are biographies of alcoholics who share their personal experiences getting sober.
Getter sober is hard work! But worth it!
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: CA
Posts: 357
Thanks Rowan. I did read "Drinking, a Love Story" when I was first getting sober. Loved it! Will check out "Dry".
So hard sometimes---you think you are getting somewhere and then life gets tough all over again. It never stops and I honestly enjoy the process most of the time. Obviously, I have some work to do! I am a paradox-I am somewhat a loner, but I really feel a need for supportive people around me. I don't want to be a victim!
So hard sometimes---you think you are getting somewhere and then life gets tough all over again. It never stops and I honestly enjoy the process most of the time. Obviously, I have some work to do! I am a paradox-I am somewhat a loner, but I really feel a need for supportive people around me. I don't want to be a victim!
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There is some inner child in me that begs for someone to come and hold me, understand me. Then there is the sensor/ judge that says "How pathetic!". People all over the world have it much tougher than I do. What gives me the right to ask (let alone expect) support from others?
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
I see a mental health counselor and her boss, a shrink, also an alcohol counselor. I do go to meetings, but not every day, tho I do find them helpful. I can't share coping skills with you cause I don't seem to have too many. Or at least I don't seem to know how to use any old skills I might have lying around. I'd be glad to hear of any distractions or coping skills you find useful.
:ghug
I don't think it's necessary to have any 'rights' when it comes to needing help and support and friendship. I don't think it's a matter of deserving to be helped but only of needing help. Since all of us have times of need, and all of us have times of helping others in need, I think that what goes around comes around. You can do for others what is being done for you. You can pay it forward. So don't worry about having any right to help. Everyone does.
:ghug
I don't think it's necessary to have any 'rights' when it comes to needing help and support and friendship. I don't think it's a matter of deserving to be helped but only of needing help. Since all of us have times of need, and all of us have times of helping others in need, I think that what goes around comes around. You can do for others what is being done for you. You can pay it forward. So don't worry about having any right to help. Everyone does.
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Someone talked about that at my meeting today. About perspective. 'I'm not in a wheelchair or dying so I shouldn't complain' - and perspective can be a great tool, but I don't think we should minimize our own situations or feelings by comparing them to others. You want to be held, and understood. That makes sense to me. I feel that way too, much of the time. You have the right to ask for support just because. You don't need to somehow qualify it. Drop those ANTS (automatic negative thoughts) whenever you become aware of them. You are not pathetic.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
And you dont have to be a victim.
Oh how i know where you are right now.
Seems the more sober you get the harder reality seems.
But I have to keep telling myself. It was there all along. I just have to face it head on now instead of hiding or running from it as I always tend to do.
Which is by getting high.
And doing that just piles it on even thicker.
There are alternatives to AA and 12 step. We have a secular section that have every other kind of program you can think of besides 12 step.
Or even a therapist. A close friend. I find I NEED to get things off my chest.
Write it down. Blog it. Scream it. Talk to yourself. Just get it out.
That helps with the immediate stress and confusion of it all.
After that. I find it is a little easier to sit back and take the time to really think things through. And try my best to deal with it the best I can.
But using and keeping it all in. Thats the worst things you can do.
Thanks for your support on the pain thing.
I am not good at returning PMs.
I am looking for a new dR Monday.
HAng in there. It does get better. I know for me. It sure as hell cant get any worse.
Oh how i know where you are right now.
Seems the more sober you get the harder reality seems.
But I have to keep telling myself. It was there all along. I just have to face it head on now instead of hiding or running from it as I always tend to do.
Which is by getting high.
And doing that just piles it on even thicker.
There are alternatives to AA and 12 step. We have a secular section that have every other kind of program you can think of besides 12 step.
Or even a therapist. A close friend. I find I NEED to get things off my chest.
Write it down. Blog it. Scream it. Talk to yourself. Just get it out.
That helps with the immediate stress and confusion of it all.
After that. I find it is a little easier to sit back and take the time to really think things through. And try my best to deal with it the best I can.
But using and keeping it all in. Thats the worst things you can do.
Thanks for your support on the pain thing.
I am not good at returning PMs.
I am looking for a new dR Monday.
HAng in there. It does get better. I know for me. It sure as hell cant get any worse.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Rochester, New York
Posts: 2
Originally Posted by SoosieQ 
There is some inner child in me that begs for someone to come and hold me, understand me. Then there is the sensor/ judge that says "How pathetic!". People all over the world have it much tougher than I do. What gives me the right to ask (let alone expect) support from others?
I have tried AA and simply can't stomach the same old same old every week: "I lost everything, used to eat of of a dumpster, etc. then AA saved my life and look at me now!" And, personally, I don't think it 's necessarily healthy to start every thing you want to say at a meeting with "Hi, I'm so-and-so and I'm an alcoholic." YES - I AM an alcoholic. I know that and am working very, very hard to get sober again so I don't need constant reminders. See we have a lot in common and, as I said, we can do this together!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
Hey Soosie...Life is life, it can be gut wrenching at times. The irony of it is that unless we experience pain in our lives there is no way to really gauge what happiness is.
Drinking never makes the bad times easier just delays dealing with the issues at that moment, unfortunately while this might seem attractive, drinking for the one problem ALWAYS creates another. At least this was true for me. I would drink because I drank...kwim? My drinking usually led me to act in a way that heaped more guilt and shame on my already overflowing plate. A never ending cycle.
So first, stopping the drinking will alleviate the problem of adding any additional guilt. In early recovery that was huge for me...I could wake up shame free...yes the past was there but that was not my first priority in the beginning...I needed for the dust to settle in order to see my way clear to working on the wreckage of my past.
Take it a day at a time, with a firm commitment to sobriety. There can be no more lingering doubts that alcohol has any redeeming qualities.
Keep in mind that you are not your past actions. You are stronger than you think and there are as many paths to sobriety as there are human to walk them. It is individual and up to you.
I suggest reading anything you can about addiction and investigate all recovery methods...all the programs have viable tools to utilize.
Wishing you much success!
Drinking never makes the bad times easier just delays dealing with the issues at that moment, unfortunately while this might seem attractive, drinking for the one problem ALWAYS creates another. At least this was true for me. I would drink because I drank...kwim? My drinking usually led me to act in a way that heaped more guilt and shame on my already overflowing plate. A never ending cycle.
So first, stopping the drinking will alleviate the problem of adding any additional guilt. In early recovery that was huge for me...I could wake up shame free...yes the past was there but that was not my first priority in the beginning...I needed for the dust to settle in order to see my way clear to working on the wreckage of my past.
Take it a day at a time, with a firm commitment to sobriety. There can be no more lingering doubts that alcohol has any redeeming qualities.
Keep in mind that you are not your past actions. You are stronger than you think and there are as many paths to sobriety as there are human to walk them. It is individual and up to you.
I suggest reading anything you can about addiction and investigate all recovery methods...all the programs have viable tools to utilize.
Wishing you much success!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Rochester, New York
Posts: 2
Thanks to all the posts here. It's now almost 4 PM where I am and I'm still sober. Every post above has given me something beneficial. Chiyinita - we hear it all the time so often and we know it's true: all that "stuff" has been there before and will be and it takes so very much courage to look it in the eye and not turn to the bottle (or whatever the escape of preference may happen to be) and I feel like I have a new lease on life finding this site. Wish I'd found it long ago - but I wish I'd done a lot of things long ago. We can only move forward so we put one foot in front of the other and, if need be, we crawl over that obstacle. AND that's OK, as long as we do it sober, which we can with support from wonderful people like those on this site.,
broken wings
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: NV
Posts: 68
hello soosie
hey there i am new here to and i myself am dancing with the idea of quitting except i have never tried before so you might have a head start on me=)
I just can't seem to get to where i would feel comfortable without drinking. I too feel pathetic at times but i think being where were at is a start at least we're trying to make changes that's gotta count for something.
I don't think we would have taken this step if we were'nt meant to go further.At least that's the way i see it.It's hard to see how we've gotten here but it seems even harder to figure out how we are gonna get back out keep your head up!!! hugs and stuff
I just can't seem to get to where i would feel comfortable without drinking. I too feel pathetic at times but i think being where were at is a start at least we're trying to make changes that's gotta count for something.
I don't think we would have taken this step if we were'nt meant to go further.At least that's the way i see it.It's hard to see how we've gotten here but it seems even harder to figure out how we are gonna get back out keep your head up!!! hugs and stuff
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: CA
Posts: 357
Here's the thing: my music is "too intense", my artwork is "too intense", my written work...well, you get the point. I want to get over my cowardice, but I am pissed at myself that I still want support and encouragement from others.
Good to hear from you chiynata. Thanks for your support
Good to hear from you chiynata. Thanks for your support
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Co Springs, CO
Posts: 116
Originally Posted by SoosieQ
I am facing the idea of getting sober again and am realizing that I just don't want to face all of the psycho-emotional issues that remain unresolved in my life.
Just my 2 cents I guess, I have 91 days sober today. My last "significant" stretch went 58 days, I got obsessed with steps and therapy, and working all this crap out. It got to the point it was like picking at scabs. I got depressed and relapsed. No doubt this means I did it all wrong I suppose.
This time around I have sticking to a much simpler plan, don't drink, don't smoke, eat right, get some exercise, get to some meetings. When life decides I need to address an issue I have, in a sober way, but I haven't gone out of my way to dredge up the past.
At some point when I feel the need and I am ready I will likely change my mind about this and get re-engaged with dealing with anything that needs to be dealt with. But for now staying sober has things moving in a positive direction, and until I start to feel stuck I doubt I will change what I am doing.
LC
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bugworth: "Drinking never makes the bad times easier just delays dealing with the issues at that moment, unfortunately while this might seem attractive, drinking for the one problem ALWAYS creates another."
This is SO true, and exactly what I would say to another client or friend facing the idea of getting sober. It is odd, being so scared of sobriety this time. I have gone several years without drinking/ using. When I last turned to drink it was because I was so fed up with "trying" to work/ figure things out, so sick of the depressions, etc.
I feel so lost, empty, desolate. I have lost a lot in the last few years (home, family, friends, meaningful work, a fantastic cat) and drinking/ using doesn't alter the landscape. I thought it best that I clear myself of old ideals (the whole expectation/hope/disappointment loop). So I stopped calling myself "performance artist", "dancer", "photographer", "musician", "healer". But now I am staring at a wide open canvas, and it is so very blank.
Thanks all for allowing me to rant/ complain. It helps to have your feedback.
This is SO true, and exactly what I would say to another client or friend facing the idea of getting sober. It is odd, being so scared of sobriety this time. I have gone several years without drinking/ using. When I last turned to drink it was because I was so fed up with "trying" to work/ figure things out, so sick of the depressions, etc.
I feel so lost, empty, desolate. I have lost a lot in the last few years (home, family, friends, meaningful work, a fantastic cat) and drinking/ using doesn't alter the landscape. I thought it best that I clear myself of old ideals (the whole expectation/hope/disappointment loop). So I stopped calling myself "performance artist", "dancer", "photographer", "musician", "healer". But now I am staring at a wide open canvas, and it is so very blank.
Thanks all for allowing me to rant/ complain. It helps to have your feedback.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Langley, BC
Posts: 1,007
Originally Posted by SoosieQ
There is some inner child in me that begs for someone to come and hold me, understand me. Then there is the sensor/ judge that says "How pathetic!". People all over the world have it much tougher than I do. What gives me the right to ask (let alone expect) support from others?
I have said the same thing......over, and over and over and.....
and now I think - absolutely people have it worse than me. and I hate that others are suffering too. but it doesn't mean that my problems don't matter, or aren't important, or don't deserve me feeling vulnerable every now and again and asking for help and support.
maybe I'm wrong, and I don't condone people playing the victim card and wallowing all the time to "play" for sympathy - but I think we all have a right to express ourselves.
"Meow. No, I am not a pup!
Join Date: May 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 269
I think of myself as an extroverted loner. I love people but I love coming home to my empty (except for my zoo) home.
I had some advice re thinking I had it good and no right to be unhappy..which is nothing to do with alcohol...a couple of years ago my father died expectedly of natural causes at 81 after 3 years of being disabled from a stroke and having terrible quality of life. A few days later a colleagues husband hung himself. I really felt that I should be fine and not expect sympathy but I was heartbroken over my Dad. A counsellor pointed out that I had lost my father who I had had for 37 years. And you can't compare pain/loss between one person and another. Interestingly the colleague saw us being in the same boat and when the first year came around she came to see me on my day and I went to see her on hers.
Excuse the rambling...(year two anniv of his death coming up soon and getting melancholy)
I had some advice re thinking I had it good and no right to be unhappy..which is nothing to do with alcohol...a couple of years ago my father died expectedly of natural causes at 81 after 3 years of being disabled from a stroke and having terrible quality of life. A few days later a colleagues husband hung himself. I really felt that I should be fine and not expect sympathy but I was heartbroken over my Dad. A counsellor pointed out that I had lost my father who I had had for 37 years. And you can't compare pain/loss between one person and another. Interestingly the colleague saw us being in the same boat and when the first year came around she came to see me on my day and I went to see her on hers.
Excuse the rambling...(year two anniv of his death coming up soon and getting melancholy)
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