It finally happened...she thinks she's pregnant
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: In the Heart of Dixie
Posts: 128
It finally happened...she thinks she's pregnant
Alot has happened since my last post...my 19 year old AD Lauren told me she thinks she is pregnant!!! Just when I think it could not get any worse!!! I told her that she does not need a baby, she has no job, no car and could not even take care of herself. But SHE can do this!! And I know that if she is pregnant that I will end up raisng a baby and I am sorry but I hung that hat up a long time ago. So she ends up back in another state with the abusive boyfriend but her friend that she was supposed to go with to another state to see if maybe that will help.... calls to tell me that Lauren was coming home the next day and going home with her but Lauren never showed up so her friend wemt back on Wednesday then yesterday afternoon her friend calls to tell me she was on her way to get Lauren, so she is offically gone for the time being. I do not want to raise a child!!! But I know before I watch her not take care of it that I will end up doing it and I'm pissed!!!!! 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Virginia gal
Posts: 132
Dear obsessed.
Boy do I know how you feel. My 25 AD has two children that I am raising. It has been a nightmare. I am too old to be starting over. And now I find out that she is on the run from the police and is pregnant again. That poor baby does not have a chance in h-ll. I could not turn my back on this two children but not a third. It takes everything I have to make it from one day to the next. From one prayer to the next. Give me strength.
Boy do I know how you feel. My 25 AD has two children that I am raising. It has been a nightmare. I am too old to be starting over. And now I find out that she is on the run from the police and is pregnant again. That poor baby does not have a chance in h-ll. I could not turn my back on this two children but not a third. It takes everything I have to make it from one day to the next. From one prayer to the next. Give me strength.
God's Kid
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,820
From a diff point of view
My parents had my daughter for about a year, at the end of my drinking and beginning of my recovery. I have been sober for nearly 10 years now.
They also now have my youngest sisters 2 children. A girl (my neice) who is 7 (my sister had her when she was 13) and a boy (my nephew) who is 1.5yrs. My parents were made legal guardian of my neice when she was 3 and my nephew has only, in the last few weeks, gone to live with them.
My sister isn't an alcoholic or an addict, but has some serious mental health problems. While she is approx 22 years old, she probably has the maturity of a 13 or 14 year old.
We are meant to be having a family meeting with 'the state' come July and at the meeting everyone in my family will be given the oppertunity to say what we think is best for the 1.5 yr old boy. My parents have agreed to have him and become his guardian like they did with the first child, my neice.
I have told my mother, just yesterday in fact, that I don't agree with this and that all my parents are doing is enabaling my sister in her immature and irresponsible behaviour because while my parents look after her kids, she can come and go as she pleases and is not required to make any type of commitment to her children.
I know my mother allows this to happen becasue she feels guilty about the way my youngest sister was raised and blames herself for a lot of things. She thinks by enabling my sister she is 'helping' her.
I think the best thing for my nephew is that he goes and lives with someone outside of our family, which can easily be arranged, as I think it may shock my sister into making some changes so she can eventually parent her own children.
Chances are this won't happen because my parents marriage has always been a tad screwy (as in crazy) and if they weren't saving my sisters children they would be required to face each other, and neither one wants to do that. They should have divorced long ago but neither of them can admit it.
An example of this is, at one stage, when my youngest sisiter was living at my parents house with her little boy (I think he may have been 6 or 7 months then) she went through a phase of accusing my dad of sexually abusing her. I'm not going to comment as to wether I think it is true or not, but the outcome of her accusions was he was not allowed to be left alone with my nephew or my neice for about 5 or 6 months - and now he is the one who spends the most amount of my time with my nephew since my mother works and my father doesn't!!!
And while I am grateful my parents took care of my daughter, it is by no means a good solution. I am tempted to describe this kind of 'fix it up' as putting a plaster on a broken leg.
I am unsure if either of you attend Al Anon but I would seriously recommend it. Myself, my older sister and one of my younger brothers all attend. It is probably for this reason alone that despite all this craziness we are still part of the 'family'.
They also now have my youngest sisters 2 children. A girl (my neice) who is 7 (my sister had her when she was 13) and a boy (my nephew) who is 1.5yrs. My parents were made legal guardian of my neice when she was 3 and my nephew has only, in the last few weeks, gone to live with them.
My sister isn't an alcoholic or an addict, but has some serious mental health problems. While she is approx 22 years old, she probably has the maturity of a 13 or 14 year old.
We are meant to be having a family meeting with 'the state' come July and at the meeting everyone in my family will be given the oppertunity to say what we think is best for the 1.5 yr old boy. My parents have agreed to have him and become his guardian like they did with the first child, my neice.
I have told my mother, just yesterday in fact, that I don't agree with this and that all my parents are doing is enabaling my sister in her immature and irresponsible behaviour because while my parents look after her kids, she can come and go as she pleases and is not required to make any type of commitment to her children.
I know my mother allows this to happen becasue she feels guilty about the way my youngest sister was raised and blames herself for a lot of things. She thinks by enabling my sister she is 'helping' her.
I think the best thing for my nephew is that he goes and lives with someone outside of our family, which can easily be arranged, as I think it may shock my sister into making some changes so she can eventually parent her own children.
Chances are this won't happen because my parents marriage has always been a tad screwy (as in crazy) and if they weren't saving my sisters children they would be required to face each other, and neither one wants to do that. They should have divorced long ago but neither of them can admit it.
An example of this is, at one stage, when my youngest sisiter was living at my parents house with her little boy (I think he may have been 6 or 7 months then) she went through a phase of accusing my dad of sexually abusing her. I'm not going to comment as to wether I think it is true or not, but the outcome of her accusions was he was not allowed to be left alone with my nephew or my neice for about 5 or 6 months - and now he is the one who spends the most amount of my time with my nephew since my mother works and my father doesn't!!!
And while I am grateful my parents took care of my daughter, it is by no means a good solution. I am tempted to describe this kind of 'fix it up' as putting a plaster on a broken leg.
I am unsure if either of you attend Al Anon but I would seriously recommend it. Myself, my older sister and one of my younger brothers all attend. It is probably for this reason alone that despite all this craziness we are still part of the 'family'.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
all of you are in my thoughts and prayers. I've seen so many women in my Naranon meetings having to deal with these issues and the difficulties that come with it. Addiction - the gift that keeps on giving. And these poor innocent little babies, it just isn't fair.
Wish that I could wave a wand and make it all better. Love, hugs, and prayers going out in the meantime.
Wish that I could wave a wand and make it all better. Love, hugs, and prayers going out in the meantime.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Obsesssed)))
Sorry you are going through more turmoil.
If she is pregnant and continues to use, they will take the baby away. As heartbreaking as this is, it is YOUR decision as to whether you take the baby. Plenty of people can't have children and would love to adopt..it's just an option.
I know many parents on here are raising their grandchildren, and I admire them. I also know that sometimes the parent just can't or shouldn't have to raise another child. But if Lauren even THINKS you will take the baby, she will just go on her merry way and "let mom take care of it".
Sending you big hugs and prayers!
Amy
Sorry you are going through more turmoil.
If she is pregnant and continues to use, they will take the baby away. As heartbreaking as this is, it is YOUR decision as to whether you take the baby. Plenty of people can't have children and would love to adopt..it's just an option.
I know many parents on here are raising their grandchildren, and I admire them. I also know that sometimes the parent just can't or shouldn't have to raise another child. But if Lauren even THINKS you will take the baby, she will just go on her merry way and "let mom take care of it".
Sending you big hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Layton, Utah
Posts: 60
Sorry you are goign through all of this.
This for me is my second biggest fear with my AD. The first being the unthinkable. For the longest time I made sure she had birthcontrols pills. And she took them.
Since she has been doing better she has not been taking them.
For about a year she had no period, maybe due to the opiate use and her general health.
I have dreams of taking her to get a depo shot. I also realize with her that a baby is something she may never be able to handle, and the douche that she is with is a bum.
I wish for you the ability to find some peace and let go. We all have to in order to have some sense of the life we want to live.
I keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
This for me is my second biggest fear with my AD. The first being the unthinkable. For the longest time I made sure she had birthcontrols pills. And she took them.
Since she has been doing better she has not been taking them.
For about a year she had no period, maybe due to the opiate use and her general health.
I have dreams of taking her to get a depo shot. I also realize with her that a baby is something she may never be able to handle, and the douche that she is with is a bum.
I wish for you the ability to find some peace and let go. We all have to in order to have some sense of the life we want to live.
I keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
StrivingToThrive
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 425
((((Obsessed)))))
I know "things happen for a reason" isn't always a comfort. But Lauren's HP has a plan and this might be part of it.
I had a friend go through something very similar with her daughter. Her daughter put up with so much from her Addict BF. He could do no wrong, until she saw him through the eyes of a mother and could see him as a father. It also made her take a hard look at herself. It was a journey and one my friend didn't think she was capable of making but she's doing amazingly well now and so is the grandson. A silver lining in all of that.
Praying for all of you.
Cathy
I know "things happen for a reason" isn't always a comfort. But Lauren's HP has a plan and this might be part of it.
I had a friend go through something very similar with her daughter. Her daughter put up with so much from her Addict BF. He could do no wrong, until she saw him through the eyes of a mother and could see him as a father. It also made her take a hard look at herself. It was a journey and one my friend didn't think she was capable of making but she's doing amazingly well now and so is the grandson. A silver lining in all of that.
Praying for all of you.
Cathy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: punta gorda florida
Posts: 381
I totally understand..my daughter got pregnant using crack[medivac,guns,blood,police,rehab]...the miracle is that she got clean and stayed that way all thru the pregnancy...Xander is 2 1/2 and a beauty. She relapsed last year and I took him for 4 months, and in feb of this year did so again...more alcohol now with bipolar thrown in to make things interesting. I have had him since then. I love him, but Im tired...I wanna fly on my motorcycle when Im not working, hang with friends, have a relationship...He comes first...he deserves that...but I wanna come first....I do understand and I do one day at a time...Our mantra here, which he repeats with me"THANK YOU GOD FOR GIVING ME XANDER,HE IS THE BEST BOY EVER'...I started saying it when things were tough...when he started saying it...I just had to laugh...thanks for all of you being here...one day at a time....Marian
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 427
My heart goes out to you. I think the stress of worrying about your daughter is enough but to have her carrying a child ((((((Obsessed))))))) My AD can't have children or I would be taking care of hers too. I feel like there is nothing to say that will help you get thru all this right now. But I think I can emagin how angry you are. Kids having kids it is just too much. Someone said they will take the baby away if she has it....then someone can adopt it. That seems much easier said then done but it would be an option possibly? PLease take care of you, prayers for you right now!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
it is hard to raise children today the way the world is. me, i could never take on that task again. i took my 13yr old grandson in & things just did not work out. i love my grand children but i do not & will not raise any of them. i will be praying for u as you make this decision. hugs,
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
I think it's always good to live in the now. We have no control over what will happen tomorrow. We could all be run over by a bus at the end of the day and then what. Try to make today your best day ever and worry about things as they come up. You have a lot on your plate to deal with TODAY. No point in worrying what may or may not happen 10 months from now.
At least for today. All the worry in the world aint going to change a thing that your daughter does. But at least you can enjoy this moment if you choose.
Good luck! Try to let it go.
At least for today. All the worry in the world aint going to change a thing that your daughter does. But at least you can enjoy this moment if you choose.
Good luck! Try to let it go.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: In
Posts: 561
Don't have any advice but wanted to add my support. When the time comes you'll know what to do. An like was mentioned maybe she'll stop using for the baby a friend of my AD did an now her little girl is 15m an she is still clean has a job, her own apartment an is going to school. My Ad didn't stop says she thought it would make her miscarry an was told methadone is worse on a fetus than heroin.
Sending prayers for you your daughter an unborn child.........
Sending prayers for you your daughter an unborn child.........
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