Toomutch

This will probably sound like a very trivial matter- but here goes:

My 14 year old daughter and 15 year old son left this morning to go on summer vacation with their dad. My 16 and 17 year old step sons went on vacation with their mom and my husband and I will be leaving for our vacation on Mon.

Problem- My daughter was told to make sure her room was clean before she left. I trusted her that is was clean- she's gone- the room is a disaster. I was just getting ready to clean it for my piece of mind, I hate coming home from a vacation to any kind of mess. Yes I know I could just shut her door- but I still know the mess is there.

How many of you would clean it? Am I crazy for even thinking of cleaning it?

This happend last week befor she left for 4 days to a basketball tournament- and I cleaned it for her because I couldn't stand it.

I dont get her sometimes. She is an awsome kid, makes great choices, excels in her school work, is a dedicated athlete, personal apperance is always flawless- yet she is truly a slob.

Do I just let her room breed filth, do I ground her until it's clean, do I help her out because she is so busy? All responses will be greatly appreciated.

suki44883

Leave the mess for her to clean up when she gets back. Shut her door and go on vacation and don't give her room a second thought. I have spoken.

fallingdown

I have a great mom but she just let my room be filth while I was growing up. Now as an adult I really have to discipline myself to keep the house clean. As a recovering slob I myself I would advise you to make her clean it, and often. I honestly wish my mom would have made me clean a lot more so I would have an appreciation for cleaner surroundings! If a slob gets used to being allowed to live like a slob there's not a lot of motivation to change, I know from experience! :o)

Anna

It's been awhile, but my daughter was exactly the same. She refused to clean her rm. I had two issues. One, we were paying for her clothes, which were left on the floor and walked on and two, there were plates and dishes of food and I worried about bugs. It bothered me whenever I walked past her room. I wish I had just closed the door and ignored it. She didn't care, my husband didn't care. It wasn't worth the arguing and worry. Oh yeah, she now has a fantastic job and keeps her home very tidy.

SoBearish

Clean it - and then make her clean the whole house when she gets back.

least

I sure wouldn't clean it for her. Unless it's a matter of safety or health let it go and shut the door. I can't get my girls to clean up either, and I refuse to do it for them. I just don't allow them to drag their mess with them to other parts of the house. (not always successful there)

Toomutch

Thank you all for your thoughts on this so far it looks like the majority says to let her clean it when she gets back.

Anna- the dirty dishes and clothes are the worst. She and I spent the last two days clothes shopping for her. She took the clothes and left the bags boxes and tags all on the floor. Arrgh!

Toomutch

It sounds like I better listen to suki because "she has spoken" lol

suki44883

LOL! Yer darn tootin'!!

Toomutch

I most certainly am not!

Ananda

I didn't do such a hot job with teaching my son about cleaning...the consequense....our tolet exploded (new meaning to the words sh*t happens) over 2 years ago...we now have one semi functioning bathroom....the baths and plumming need about 15K work done, but i cant get an estimate or get the work done till my son cleans it up.....empty tequila bottles, broken furniture, porn, clothes pile of dumped ciggerete butts.....

So he has 2 weeks left in which to clean it and at that point my mom (78) and I are going to "hep" him.....

I haven't been to the basement in about 5 years except for the tornado a few weeks ago....it is horrendous and a health hazard. He does laundry so I won't go down, but I've been 3 weeks without clean underwear as he hasn't done the laudry

So.....it is possible to just shut the door as I did many years ago...but it is my house and my property and eventually, i'm the one living with the consequenses (even if I kick him out, the rooms still have to be cleaned)

So - i'll put on my hazmat suit and do it

FizzyWater

If you decide not to clean it, hows about coming round and cleaning mine instead ?

Toomutch

Fizzy I would love to. But with gas prices the way they are- I better not!

Iloow

My mum was really anal about cleaning around the house, to the point where she would tidy before the cleaner came (she was a teacher so had no time to do the full clean). I was given plenty of responsibilities around the house from about the age of 13 to get pocket money. As a result I just naturally liked having a neat and tiday room. I even put my clothes in the laundary basket and had to hang up my school trousers a certain way. All of these have come in handy now that I live with my partner and young son. The worst thing for me is a dirty kitchen.

Rambling I know but if she wants to wallow in filth then let her. She will run out of clothes eventually and I would make her wash them. The magic washbasket stopped working in our house when I was in Secondary school. We were all in our mid teens once though.

Jomey

My oldest son (12) was getting to be a piece of work about keeping his room clean and pulled a move similiar to your daughters. My husband went in and piled everything in the room, except his bed and alarm clock, into trash bags and put them in the barn. And I mean EVERYTHING. My son had to work for 15 minutes to get each item back. That amounted to alot more time than cleaning his room would have. He's been neat as a pin ever since. Worth a try if it continues. Good luck! Jomey

Toomutch

Jomey- Lets hope it dosn't get to that, but if it does, I will try that out. There is alot to be said about tough love.

tommyk

Most kids, and adults too, perform tasks very well when there are incentives.

Your daughter ever ask for money (even when her room isn't clean)?

Toomutch

ummm... yes.

All my kids do chores and get allowance, but maybe I could deduct allowance for not cleaning her room.

Jomey

Hi S - Come to think of it, there is a world of emotional difference between a 12 year old boy and a 14 year old girl...maybe my advice wasn't appropriate....I remember the distant days of teenage girlhood and when I forget what a pain in the patoot I could be, my mother reminds me!

Sorry if my suggestion came off as too strong...my kids are farm kids and chores are the difference between garden food and milk and meat on the table or not, so we have always taken a REAL strong stand on that.

Have a great vacation anyway! Love Jomey

Toomutch

Jomey-

You're advise wasn't too harsh. It fact when my kids were younger say between 6-10 When they didn't pick up their toys I would put them into a garbage bag for a week and then give them back. It did work.