GingerM

Alas, my therapist of nearly 4 years has moved out of state. He was a wonderful therapist and probably did more for me in the 4 years I was seeing him than any other person had done in all the other years of counseling I'd had. I miss him already.

I saw a new person a few weeks ago - the initial intake meeting. He's not the same (not that I expected him to be). I don't know if he'll be a good fit for me or not. I hope so, but I'm not counting on it.

With my old therapist, I was seeing him once per month because that was all I seemed to need anymore. Now I'm back to weekly sessions to bring the new therapist up to speed on who I am and what I've dealt with and what I'm looking for.

No real "problem" here to solve, just feeling disappointed about losing my really good therapist. I'm very happy for him, he got a job offer far too good to pass up. But I'm pretty bummed on my own account.

bleh.

DesertEyes

Hey there Ginger

I understand the "bleh" feeling. I've had to switch therapists too ... and doctors .... and sponsors. Sometimes I get a new one that works out just fine right from the start. Sometimes I have to do a little "shopping". So far, it's working out for the best. Each one brings a new perspective that adds to my life. I dunno about you, but I am not a plant. I do best with a change of scenery every so often

What's that obnoxious little ditty? "Some friends come for a reason, some for a season...." I've never much cared for it, but in my life it has certainly been true.

I hope you don't have to do too much shopping before you find one that fits

Mike

greeteachday

Bleh is right...that's tough. It's difficult having to make such a switch when such a good rapport was established. I hope you will soon find comfort and trust with the new therapist.

GingerM

Thanks folks. Today is meeting #2, he said we'd discuss the "lay of the land" in terms of where I am and where I'm heading.

At least I have a second referral if this one doesn't work out.

DesertEyes

We're all thinking about ya, Ginger. Just imagine all us "web friends" are in the room with you, checking out the guys' books, going thru his notes, looking in his desk. We wanna make sure you get a quality therapist, ya know

Mike

GingerM

Thanks Mike

The second meeting he laid out some fundamentals of psychology. Had this occurred 10 years ago, some of it would have been new to me. As it is, it was all different wording of what my previous therapist had already been over with me.

On our first meeting, I brought in the 13 common characteristics, highlighted the ones that I used to have problems with, circled the ones I still have to be very aware of working on and lined out the ones that I mostly seem to have under control (although, as I'm sure you're aware, even the ones you think you've seen the last of have this weird way of popping up when you least expect it).

Next session I should give him a bit of family dynamics as they currently exist and some ideas of how my relationships are currently working. He already knows boundaries are one of my biggest issues, I still struggle (? not quite the right word, it's not as difficult as that, but seems I have to use recovery tools daily when it comes to boundaries) with them.

*sigh* The bummer about new therapists is that it takes so long just to get to the point where you can tell if they can help or not, or if they're a good match or not. I really did well with my last therapist and his 'velvet hammer' approach. Sometimes I need a little tap with the ol' velvet hammer to see what's going on.

GingerM

Just a quick update - today was the first visit with my new therapist where I had a definitive issue I needed help with or guidance on what part I was getting stuck at, and he seemed very good at seeing pretty much right away what I was getting stuck on.

He is very different from my old therapist, but I think he's equally as knowledgeable and he had asked me early on what I liked and disliked in a therapist. I told him I worked best with someone who could tap (or whack if need be) me with the ol' velvet hammer, and I told him up front that I would be coming in and most likely presenting him with an issue, telling him how far I'd gotten on my own with it, and asking him to help me through my 'stuck' spots.

So while he's different, I think he'll work well with me. But I still miss my old one

DesertEyes

I'm glad he's working out for ya. I think of it like shoes. The old ones fit _so good_, and the new ones need a little breaking in. You know what? Twenty years from now you'll be breaking in a _newer_ therapist, and _this_ is the one you're going to be missing

You're going to be fine, Ginger, just fine.

Mike (((( hugs )))))

GingerM

Thanks Mike

The new therapist has an interesting if not somewhat cynical sense of humor. As I talk about the ACoA issues I've dealt with, he handed me a photocopy of an article he got published in a psychology journal under "Lighter Notes" - it's about how to tell if you're an adult child of humans. It really is kind of cute.

His point is that it doesn't really matter where the problem comes from, that we can *choose* to continue making fuzzy logic decisions, or we can *choose* to make different ones. We can *choose* to continue down the paths laid before us by people in our past or present or we can *choose* to make our own decisions in the direction our lives take. While I think he has a point, I also believe that the ACoA traits help in that it does help people start identifying why their lives are so miserable.

The best part of the whole thing was (in full technical jargon) where he said that after taking the inventory to see if you were an ACoH, he found that 100% of the subjects were considered to be so, and after intense therapy, they continued to be so with 100% continuance and that no one was ever completely cured of it

I thought about posting it here for kicks n grins, but didn't want to offend anyone by such a show of cynicism. It is pretty good though. I also thought it might help folks who are trying to figure out if they really are ACoAs or not - in some cases maybe they are just ACoH's.

DesertEyes

* lol *

I think it does a whole lot more than that. First off, it shows us that _we_ are not crazy. That alone is priceless. It shows us that we are not alone, that there's a host of people who _understand_ us in a way that we never experienced before. Third, it gives us hope that someday our lives can be like the lives of those who have worked this program ahead of us.

* lmao *

Well if we're going to take the George Carlin approach, _all_ families are un-perfect, and therefore all families have _some_ level of "toxicity" going on. That means that all humans qualify to be members of ACoA, because ACoA is for anyone who was raised in a "toxic" environment.

So far, it sound like this guy is going to work out for you. Perhaps the cynicism will make the process more fun.

Mike