Filling emptiness
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 8
Filling emptiness
I'm sorry for making too many threads. But I have done at the most 5 days of sobriety, in a row this year. It's really quite shocking. It's reality, after drinking a lot, is bizarre. I've done pretty horrendous stuff while drunk, and although I like being intoxicated, I know it's a case of self abuse. Which I hate, because I know far worse has been done to me in me lifetime than I've ever done to anyone.
So sobriety will be a kind of way of saying to hell with a lot of abuse, I am alive and all other people who have, obviously or not so, can literally die. But time is so great sometimes it gets me down. I need to learn a great deal more discipline which I suppopse comes with time.
So sobriety will be a kind of way of saying to hell with a lot of abuse, I am alive and all other people who have, obviously or not so, can literally die. But time is so great sometimes it gets me down. I need to learn a great deal more discipline which I suppopse comes with time.
although I like being intoxicated
do I like being intoxicated? i sure did in the beginning. it was a godsend. magical. i felt powerful and that I couldn't be hurt or hindered. that's a nice feeling.
could I like it today? yes. today i've been bored and tired. i'm am just now feeling a little energy. what better way to go with my upward swing than to enjoy 3 harmless beersf? or 6?
will I do it today? NO
even though I may think I will like it, and even though I may like it for a while, I KNOW that I won't enjoy it after a short period of relief. in my case of recent history, if i was by myself, i would last about 2 beers and be off to find a crack salesman. and crack never never feels good for me.
but not feeling good is no deterrent for me, because I've looked to anything to take me away from feeling the uncomfortableness that lives inside of me and never goes away completely.
today I won't be fooled by my addictive habitual thought patterns
I won't let them run the show
I will feel my uncomfortablness no matter how much it hurts rather than use today
So sobriety will be a kind of way of saying to hell with a lot of abuse
thanks for starting this thread, "jososo", and start as many as you want as far as I'm concerned.
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