sickofaddicts

My husband sometimes takes prescribed hydrocodone for back pain.

My husband comes from a family of severe addicts, he has an addictive personality, and our life has been hard at times. He has had serious and chronic health problems and I do not think that these pills are safe for his liver/kidneys, and an addiction to painkillers would be disasterous for his health. It took a long time for him to kick nicotene, when he drinks he drinks way too much (and engages in secretive behaviors regarding drinking), and is addicted to caffeine.

His doctor prescribed 100 of them. He's going to get addicted! He said that he tries to use Ibuprofen because he doesn't want to get addicted, but I do not believe in his ability to control this!

I am a naturalist and I do believe in the placebo affect! If he thinks he's taking something that will work, it will. Read "The Healing Heart" by Norman Cousins on the ability of the body to make its own pain endorphins. I am thinking of switching the pills in this bottle for something else. Is anyone aware of a benign OTC painkiller that looks like hydrocodone?

stopstopstop

:codiepolice.... that's about all I can say. There are some very wise people here whom Im sure will be along with much better advice...
Good luck to ya!

Lori

sickofaddicts

I guess that I don't understand.

It's ok to give a person a bottle of 100 hydrocone and let them "have at it" whenever they see fit?

I'm not some deity, but I don't trust doctors that much. Not when my husband was once prescribed a drug that caused him to almost go into kidney failure, I saw the warning signs, was ignored, and then a week later he had to be hospitalized for a week for the exact problem that I saw coming. Not when they missed his cancer despite regular complaints. If I hadn't run a search on the net for his symptoms and demanded an ultrasound, he'd be dead now. He trusts me to look out for him. I don't trust any of these addictive painkillers and do not trust a doctor who'd prescribe 100 of them to a person with his personal and family history. This person is not an addict yet, but I don't intend for him to become one.

One time I went to a hospital and a doctor told me that I had to have something very scary and painful done to me. He told me that I'd not remember it before I signed the consent. He lied to me. I remembered the whole thing. While I do not appreciate that he lied to me, he apparently felt that I'd not consent if he had been honest, and he probably justified it by telling himself that a number of people don't remember. You know what? As mad as I was that he lied, he was right about something -- if he hadn't lied, I wouldn't have consented to what he did to me. And I'm alive today because of it.

It's not ok to try to head off a problem before it becomes a problem when you know that it will become a problem based on your knowledge of that person?

I know very little about drugs, so I will apologize for the coming stereotypes because I really don't know of good substitutes.

Any of you ever thought of taking that bag of weed and just putting oregano in there, so that the addict becomes unsatsfied and quits?

Any of you ever thought of taking the can of caffeinated coffee and replacing half of it with decaf, then eventually all decaf?

Maybe I'm wrong to think this, but I don't intend to be taken hostage by a drug. For every force, there is an equal opposing force (isn't that what they say in physics?).

hello-kitty

If your husband trusts you to look out for him, then I think you should act in a trustworthy manner, not a sneaky manipulative manner, when dealing with your issue with his drug use. I'm sure he's not that stupid that he won't figure out you substituted his pills with something non-narcotic, is he? If you can even find anything like that, which I highly doubt exists because of numbers shapes etc etc.

Perhaps you should explain your concerns to him and then let your ADULT husband decide what he puts in his body.

I truly question your judgement and suggest that you think about what you are suggesting! Please keep in mind that, many times we become sicker than the addict when we try to control their addiction...

sickofaddicts

Actually, the name of my post is because my brother-in-law relapsed and threw his life away completely about a month ago and put my sister through hell.

While he does not live in our home, what he did has traumatized everyone in the family. It has really made me think about the possibility of the same thing happening in my own home, to my own husband.

My husband has told me that he lives in pain everyday from his back and he does have degenerative disk disease. But you know what? If he's in so much pain, why does he continue to go to the gym and lift 400 pounds? Then he comes home and pops Ibuprofen. But thanks to this doctor, now he's got something "a little better" for those days when Ibuprofen doesn't cut it. And my husband has no tolerance for pain or inconvenience.

My husband is non-functional if he can't start his day with coffee. I can get out of bed, get dressed, and go do something within 15 minutes. On the other hand, my husband wakes up unhappy, runs to put on the pot of coffee, and has to drink about half of the pot before he can "get his day going".

So I should look forward to him needing pills to get his day going? I repeat, I do not believe that hydrocone can be taken safely. You know what frosts me? When I had a c-section, they gave me Percocet and I was able to get out of that bed within a couple of hours, felt great. By day two however, they started to restrict them. They did not send me home with Percocet, they sent me home with something milder (probably hydrocone!) because they didn't want me to be an addict. But they send a man home with 100 pills who turned into a whack job when he was on Wellbutrin to quit nicotene?

Pills, pills, pills, for every problem there are pills.

cece1960

Welcome Sickofaddicts,
I think you may misunderstand our reason for gathering here.
We are trying desperately to not invest ourselves in trying to control our addicts. Manipulating his use, or lack of use, is controlling, not to mention unsafe in the manner you suggest.
While I can understand your distrust of the doctor, you are not a doctor, and therefore are unqualified to make this decision. Please consider talking this over with your husband, your concerns and his, and maybe consider a second medical opinion.
While I'm sure you mean well, what you are comparing is a script and recreational use of illegal substances.
What you are suggesting could well be considered criminal in some cases.
If you'd like to practice a different approach, and learn more about what those of us here have learned through experience...please stay.
There will be no "medical advice" here, as we leave that up to the professionals.
Thank you for understanding

Momsrainbow

JMO=let your husband handle his own pills. His doctor is a licensed medical doctor and should know what he is doing. Pills must have come with directions-husbands responsiblity to take them as prescribed.

Goodness a half a pot of coffee-I have to have my half pot of coffee in the morning-doesn't everyone????

Peter

So you think switching the pills in your husbands bottle will make him less of an addict?

So its the pills today. What about next week or next month or next year. Will you constantly be monitoring what he puts into his body? What happens when he leaves the house.?

If you think you can control an addict or get between him and his drugs welcome to hell.

sickofaddicts

I am familiar with the approach of dealing with actively using addicts that advises that "you can't do anything, it's their choice" and "let them lie in their own mess" and "don't enable". I agree that you cannot stop an active addict from using if they want to. I am not at all trying to encourage anyone to think that they should take an active role in preventing the behavior of an active addict. My sister's been there, done that, and it got her nowhere.

On the other hand, what about a loved ones role in trying to head off a problem before it begins?

For example, what if my spouse or child became interested in a cult, and I could see that he was vulnerable to their message. Let's say that I tried telling my husband that it's a cult, and he said "I understand your concern, but I was warned that others would try to discourage me, and I want to make my own decisions". Now that may sound very logical and good, but this person has already began the process of being hooked. Now I can do a few things. I can:

a) Wait for the cult to take him away, and when they finally do, tell myself that I had no choice in it and I can just try to find support in dealing with his loss;

b) Wait for the cult to take him and then call up cult deprogrammers to kidnap my husband and take him somewhere far away where he has no access to the cult;

c) Call up the cult leader and tell him that I am considering a legal civil case for interference with my marital contract and anything else that I can think of unless the cult finds a way to dissuade my husband from continuing with their organization.

Now, as I see it, I would only be supported if my approach follows a) ?

cece1960

SOA,
If having pills in his possession guarantees that your husband will abuse them...he most likely is an addict...already.

His mess, his decisions, his cult, his friends...
But your solutions, your foreseeing of a problem, your decisions, your actions.
Does it not seem crooked to you?
(((Hugs)))

hello-kitty

I appreciate what you are trying to do but there are a couple more options that come to mind when we talk about children and cults. You could:

4)You could work to develop and open trusting relationship with your children. Educate them about cults. Let them know that they can come to you with their problems and recieve honest answers back. They will know where you stand and know that they can trust your opinion.

5)You can lock your children in the closest for the rest of their lives (or until someone charges you with child abuse) to protect them from being exposed to cults.

To me, it sounds like you are advocating #5. Which is completely illegal.

One major difference between the child/cult analogy is that your husband is an adult not a child. I really think you should try talking to him like one and allowing him the dignity of making his own decisions and accepting the consequences for them.

sickofaddicts

Relationships are not as simplistic as "you make your choices, I make mine, and we're all competent to do so". Sometimes one spouse is better educated, sometimes one spouse is more of a risktaker. Sometimes one spouse does think about the kids, the marriage, and the other is just too broken or tired to do it. That's one of the benefits of marriage -- to have someone be strong for you when you are weak, to pull you back onto the curb because they saw the car coming and you didn't.

My husband had a twin. He died at 19. He was a severe asthmatic, but it didn't stop him from smoking, drinking, and using crack. My husband had to call the paramedics numerous times and eventually he died in front of my husband.

Now yeah, he knew the consequences and threw his life away. But is it really his fault? Did he really choose? What about the fact that his mother had 2 little boys who were going to be moved up a grade at age 6, who were boy scouts, and took violin. But by the time that they were 9, they were hanging out with the druggie cousins and stealing mom's cigarettes.

What was mom doing when her 7 year old had to get off of the school bus in a bad neighborhood and had to walk himself home? Sleeping on the couch. What happened when the little boy started having trouble in school? She let him get put into a resource room where they gave him Candyland to play.

My husband and his brother could not be "good little boys" in that family because in order to be accepted you had to do drugs with the druggie cousins, you had to smoke like mom, you had to be tough like the kids in the neighborhood.

He didn't choose that, but he did pick me. A highly educated, non-risktaking, devoted to my family person. And he trusts me to look out for him. But he basically had to lose his family, he dealt with his cancer, and he's tired.

When he took the Wellbutrin to quit tobacco, he literally started to become psychotic and suspicious. I tried to tell him, but he was paranoid even of me. So I went on a website askapatient and printed out all of other people's experiences, left it for him to read. The next day, he calmly said "I just thought that you should know that I stopped taking the meds". It took a while for him to get back to himself, but I haven't recovered from that.

It's like he's always an accident or illness waiting to happen, and I don't want to go through anymore. Why can't I say "I'm going to start working my own preventive medicine"?!

Chino

How about printing out all the side effects of his painkillers, including and most importantly dependence issues, and giving that to him?

By the way, have you considered CoDA meetings?

Morning Glory

What are some myths and realities about control?

Myth
1. The more I exercise control on others, the more control I'll have in life.
Reality
Because others are free to accept or reject your control, the resulting dynamic tension between the controlled and controller creates a circumstance in life which is more out of control than you first desired. The more you let go of control over others, the more control you will have over your internal locus of control.

Myth
2. I am not controlling people when I am helping them or trying to fix things for them.
Reality
You are controlling them, however, when you are fixing or helping them and they are not taking personal responsibility and control of their own lives as a result of your assistance.

Myth
3. If I manipulate others to do what I want them to do, this is not controlling them.
Reality
You are exercising them to do what you want because they are not of their own free will deciding to do what it is you want them to do.

Myth
4. I am not controlling others if they are unintentionally intimidated by me and go along with what I want them to do.
Reality
If you are unintentionally placed in an external locus of control position by others, they have put you in a position of power over them. You are in control over them even though you are not aware of this at the time.

Myth
5. I should be in control of everything that is important in my life.
Reality
Unfortunately you are powerless to control most people, places, and things in your life since you can only be fully in control of your internal locus of control and your own thoughts, emotions, and actions.

Myth
6. I should hold onto and help the people in my life whom I see are having problems taking care of themselves in acceptable, self-responsible and self-controlling ways.
Reality
The more you try to hold onto these people, the harder they will pull away or the weaker and more dependent on you they will become. It is better to become emotionally detached from their problems and let them solve them on their own so that they still can relate to you in a free and open way.

Myth
7. Other people will condemn me if I become detached from the people close to me.
Reality
It makes no difference what others think about you. What is important is helping the people in your life to become more self-responsible and self-controlling of their own lives.

Myth
8. I should never let go of those things I am trying to control and change because if I do I'd be considered a failure.
Reality
Your struggle to control and change things outside of your internal locus of control is going to wear you down and possibly break you. You will be healthier, happier, and more in control of your life if you let go of the uncontrollables and unchangeables in your life.

Myth
9. If I love someone, I should always be there of them even if they become a little dependent on me for a while.
Reality
You're a person who could possibly love a person so much that you contribute to that person's inability to become self-responsible and in self-control of life. In reality your love may make the person overdependent on you. Love is learning to let go of the uncontrollable and unchangeable people in your life.

Myth
10. When people are helpless, I should step in and take over to help them get on their feet.
Reality
People might appear helpless to you but they often have inner reserves of competence, skills, and ability to solve their own problems. If you take over their problems for them, this might disable them from being productive problem solvers and agents for their own change. By always taking over, you encourage their overdependence on you.

Myth
11. When things are not going the way they should, I should take control of the situation to make it the way it's supposed to be.
Reality
You are being irrationally led by your dreams, fantasies, tradition, and promises of how life should be. In your idealism you can become so overcontrolling as to ensure opposite desired reality will occur

Myth
12. I should take care of things because they will happen the way they are supposed to.
Reality
A caretaker works hard at being sure that everything is the way it is supposed to be for everyone. This overcontrolling behavior succeeds in disabling people who are being cared for and then things are never the way they are supposed to be. You never get what you really want when you are overcontrolling.

Need to Control

whereami

Sounds to me like you have to have control of every aspect in your home and it is eating you up that he may have to be an adult and you may have to trust him to make his own decision. Please don't take this as negative every female in my family is like this but you still believe that you can control this situation when in fact the man you married has to decide for himself even if he makes the wrong decision. The only decision and control you have is ...are you willing to accept whatever decision he makes? Don't you see that if you try to "harness" him all it will do is make him hide a problem if/when it does develop because he will fear your reaction...better for him to know you refuse to accept the pills at all right from the start I think...

MrsMagoo

While I agree wholeheartedly with everyone about staying out of your husbands pills, I think if there is a medical history of kidney/liver issues and addiction, the doctor has a responsibility to offer alternative forms of pain relief that are non-habit forming or not bad for a certain organ of the body.

My husband has Hep-C and a drug history. For the most part, the doctors are more concerned with his liver than with his addiction. If I were you, I would ask your husband if you could go with him the next time he see's his doctor and gently explain his medical history and your concerns. Ultimately it is up to your husband and he may not appreciate being mothered. Mine does not. He may want the pills too. Mine likes to tell me - "its a medical decision". True enough, it is and I'm not qualified to make those decisions but I do care enough to voice my concerns but that's all they end up being.

You may also want to check the forum Pain Management and Recovery here on SR. There are many former addicts in strong programs dealing with insane pain but they refuse pain pills and do other things in lieu of popping the magical pill.

Abundance

"Secretive behaviors" ..... are toxic. Those are the issues I would address..... it sounds as though you have the type of relationship to talk about just that. I would also ask him what he *knows* the risks are.... and inform if he doesn't.... (about opiate use/abuse/addiction).

Keep in mind there are levels/stages that lead to addiction.

1. Experimental
2. Social
3. Habitual
------------------------
4. Abuse
5. Addiction

What category do you feel your husband is in regarding chemical/alcohol usage?

Now, from my experience, no one likes to be "controlled"... maybe that is why the "secret behavior"? I have a suspicion that your hubbies secret behavior is because he feels that it's his way of doing what he wants without being punished? Was this just with drinking? Was he hiding it?

From what you have written... it sounds as though you have been a tremendous amount of support for him, especially with his cancer! That is great!!!

As for the natural / holistic way of healing... instead of playing a trick on him w/ placebos...... what about PT, acupuncture or chiropractic for his back pain? There are also non-narcotic meds out there too! See how he feels about that!

Is this his first 100 qty script? Does he abuse it or take them as prescribed? How does he feel about it? Is he concerned? You said in the original post that he *sometimes* takes them. Yeah... the Dr. is pretty lame to give that much! I'd take that one up (together) with the doctor!

Fortunately..... he might not have a problem to begin with!??? As for him having an addictive personality... the opiates really target those with depression and lacking in endorphins... how do they make him feel? Have energy or sleepy? They may not be a DOC for him anyway! I smoke cigs... and am addicted to them... but I can be given RX's for all kinds of pills and still have some left over years later!

My advice is..... talk talk talk....... keep it real.... keep it open. The fact that you are concerned and talking about it together... is a preventative measure in itself!

stopstopstop

Goodness a half a pot of coffee-I have to have my half pot of coffee in the morning-doesn't everyone????[/QUOTE]

At LEAST!

stopstopstop

At LEAST!

Ann

I wish it were that easy, dear girl, if it were not one of us would be here. You can try any of the above and add ten more ideas and then when that doesn't work try ten more....we'll still be here to welcome you when you exhaust your "options".

That said, I recommend that you don't mess with his medications, in many places that is against the law....because it is a very dangerous thing to do to anyone. Think about it for a moment...he takes a couple and nothing happens, so he takes a couple more and a couple more. Somewhere along the way he gets his hands on the real deal and takes 7 or 8 as usual....and dies.

Your need to control is no stranger to us here, we've all had the obsession and found it took over our lives.

Takes some good advice that was given above...find yourself a CoDA, Alanon or Naranon meeting and maybe your life will get better just as ours did and remain better...no matter what your husband chooses.

Welcome to SoberRecovery

Hugs