sailorjohn

So, minding my business, texts from the **a**, going on about her stuff again. Would have been more responsive if she had used the word 'please' and not started in with the threatening noise, finally told her I would drop some stuff off at the third party when it was convenient for me, and I did drop off a lot later in the evening. Can drop the rest of tomorrow after I finish getting my stuff out of the condo basement storage unit.

Decide to go to the Secretary of State to change my license address, very uncharacteristic of me to be so prompt. Walk in the door, there's her Dad, sitting waiting for his number to get called. He pretended not to notice me, and I think we were both satisfied with that non-encounter

FormerDoormat

Minding my own business does not include yanking a vehicle out from someone in a surprise move. That's an invitation for chaos. Minding my own business does not include responding to text messages or communicating in anyway to my former partner. That's an invitation for dialogue.

This relationship will be over when you stop being an active participant.

Kindeyes

SJ
I usually try to be gentle in my responses here on SR but I think I need to be more direct in this case.

This will go on as long as you keep playing the game. Both of you must be getting some kind of satisfaction out of it or one of you would stop. She throws out the bait, you bite and she reels you in. When you see that worm dangling in front of you......swim away from the worm! There's a HOOK under there!

I've been in those awkward situations where you wind up in the same place with someone you prefer not to see. Sometimes it is best for both parties to be invisible.

gentle hugs

miss communicat

and, where there's one hook that looks attractive, there is another matching hook waiting for the hookup in the other party. we often mistake this drama for love or meaning.

sometimes there ARE co-incidences that have no meaning other than they happened, we witnessed them happening, and....ho hum, our life goes on as before without even remarking on the happening.

its that reciprocal hook clamoring for meaning, SJ. check it out. what are you getting from this? you say its over. let it end.

sailorjohn

I had told her in the beginning of June that she needed to make alternate arrangements for transportation, in person and repeated later via email, that she had until the end of the month. She could find some method to remove me as co-signer and I would gladly sign off the title, or sign off the title and turn the vehicle over to me, I would have her removed from the loan. She was completely non-responsive. As co-owner of the vehicle I had the absolute right to seize it, which I did. When I told her that I was planning on recovering the vehicle, she threatened to hide it.

You may find it interesting that she used the exact same language that you used to describe the recovery of the vehicle. What I'm attempting to do here is remove the only entanglement we have, would be impossible to do this as long as I am a co-owner or a co-signer. As an alternative, you would suggest to continue to make payments when she doesn't, or let the loan become delinquent and have the finance company repossess the vehicle and wreck my credit in the process? Yeah, I did talk to a lawyer, they gave me the two options, take the vehicle, or keep making the payments when she misses them and try to recover your money when the loan is closed in 3-1/2 years.

prodigal

So you have your answer. You talked to a lawyer. You chose one of the two options. You took the vehicle. Thus, that entanglement can be removed. Give her what is her's, keep what's your's, and hopefully you can be done with it.

As far as her saying "please" and not quacking - you are dealing with an addict, correct? I haven't found politeness to be a hallmark of addicts who are working their addiction. And I quit expecting anything along those lines from the addict in my life a long time ago.

You may not care for the responses you got to your post, but they have a common thread: this dance will continue as long as you keep dancing.

lilkim

I understand what your doing. A relationship takes time to sever. Your just taking care of the last business. There is no reason why you should have to pay for her to use the van. Nor should your credit take a hit because you got with an addict. You forewarned her what her options were and what would happened. She made her choices. She's a big girl.

I, also understand the irratation of inpoliteness. In their little warped world they can give orders and commands. Remember that's just a joke. They aren't in control of themselves let alone anything else.

To me, if you weren't trying to get out of these mess. You would just keep sniping back and forth. Talk is cheap and actions speak louder. If you liked this you wouldn't have taken her clothes to a 3rd party and taken your van back.

Feel good about how far you've come. You deserve it. You have stepped closer to reclaiming your life. Good for you!!!! I don't understand the other negative post. People do this at their own pace. To me your doing great!!!

Hugs

i4getsm

I waffle between wanting to say "good job John" and "get the h#ll out of this John". You just need to keep doing what YOU feel is best in each situation. From an outside perspective, there does seem to be a lingering feeling to all of this but I know personally how hard it can be to detach.

so in summary "good job John...now get the h#ll out of this!" A

Barbara52

You are moving forward John. Just keep on doing it till our are done with it all.