AmeliaA

I managed to sleep last night but woke up with a major headache and my first thought was, "Where's the Vicodin?" I went outside, had a smoke, debated calling my doctor, then came back and got on here.

I also thought about going to a different doctor, going to the emergency room, etc, etc. After all, I AM still having pain from surgery so why not?

But I took an Ibuprofen. Hopefully it will take away the headache and the surgery pain.

If I get 30 pills from the doc, I will just find a way to get 30 more.

The urge is certainly there.

JohnPainter

I'm sure that the pain of your physical condition is temporary or, at the very least less excruciating, than what's in store for you if you open up the door to the painful destruction that living a life of addiction entails. I know people who have gone through broken bones, serious surgery, and numerous other traumatic events without picking-up painkillers such as you have described. I am not a doctor, so I can't tell you when, or if, your pain will go away. But, as a recovered addict and alcoholic, I can tell you that you are sure to increase your pain many times over (in ways that you can't even imagine now) if you turn back to your addiction. Find professional counseling to identify and treat the underlying conditions of your addiction, or else you will never heal the real problem. All dependency, chemical and otherwise, is the symptom of an underlying problem. People without these underlying problems don't get addicted--EVER. So, start to fix the problem at its root by finding a healthy woman to talk to directly about all the things that you probably never wanted to tell anyone about. Otherwise, the allure of fast relief from the emotional pain will always look attractive to you, no matter what state your physical body is in.

AmeliaA

Thanks again JP.

I am aware of all my "underlying issues" believe me. I guess I always thought I had worked through them on my own, but I was wrong.

The physical pain from surgery I am having is far from crippling at this point being two weeks out. Just a nagging pain in the ass (NOT literally of course!)

My routine of waking up and popping three Vicodin was broken today. I am trying to figure out if that is a good or bad thing right now LOL.

How I wish I could be one of those people who only took pain meds as prescribed or as needed. But I'm not. I may very well be the type who will never be able to take pain meds again for any pain issues. I just love em too much.

four812

yes....i love anything that takes away pain.

my automatic reaction is to run away from pain.

and then the physical pain...well heck I shouldn't have to bear that, not after all the emotional pain i've endured.

I can relate to your difficulties. it would be very uncomfortable for me and my thoughts would be on the pain, and i would feel sorry for myself, and i would want to do anything to get rid of the pain, and it would be a struggle.

I send you loving kindness and empathy and hope that you find your own inner strength to stay clean. I know you can do it. I know I can do it. but the hard part is doing it. keep writing and sharing.

what other things can you do?

some ideas:
get out of the house...
visit with someone....
go to a restuarant
or to the movies
or take a bath
or go for a walk.

keep us posted

SoBearish

Big thumbs up for changing your routine this morning!! That's all you have to do (aside from feel all the crappy things the meds were hiding of course).

Good luck!!

AmeliaA

Thanks all.

My head is throbbing so bad it feels like it's going to explode at any minute.
I am going to go sit out on the patio for some fresh air. It is a beautiful day and not too hot yet.

With an icepack on my head.

Toomutch

Amelia-

Hang in there- you are doing well- congrats on 24 hours, it's a wonderful start.
Your in my thoughts and prayers.

Suzette

AmeliaA

I am not doing so good at all. I called my doctor three times with no response back. I left the nurse a message I am feeling sick from taking so much Vicodin over the past two weeks since the surgery. I also made an appt with my doctor for tomorrow, whom I am dreading to see.

Are they going to ignore me like this while going through withdrawal? I'm trying to make it right. I told them I did NOT want any more Vicodin whatsoever but am feeling sick from the withdrawal and still having pain from surgery.

And to be completely honest, i swear to God, the thought of taking another Vicodin makes me want to throw up. I forgot how bad the detoxing part was.

Hevyn

My sympathies for what you're going through, but it never has to happen again, Amelia. Be glad you were smart enough to take action. Keep posting.

HeavyJ

Hang in there Amelia, We are here for you. Tell your doctor your fears of vicodin addiction. Living through some migranes is better than living in an addiction..

Heavy

AmeliaA

I started a new thread on this.

I finally reached a nurse a half hour ago. I told her about my addiction and understand why my script was canceled. Also told her I am having serious withdrawal.

I have a doc appt tomorrow at 230pm.

Hopefully we can work through all of this.

I just spent some time talking to my husband. As I said in a prior thread we went through this three years ago. He understands to some extent what I am going through.

I know this. I will never have another Vicodin. Before this last binge the past two weeks after surgery it had been TWO YEARS since I touched the stuff.

I am done. This withdrawal is so horrible I never, ever want to go through this again.

Klynn33

((Amelia))
I hope your appointment goes well. I'm sure he'll figure some way to help you out. and good for you for admitting it to him. I hope you're doing alright - and that everything works out for you tomorrow.

good luck!!!

AmeliaA

36 hours and counting.

The thought of Vicodin makes me want to throw up because I want to throw up from having these withdrawals.

When I wake up tomorrow it will be 48 hours (give or take an hour or two).

And then it will be time to face the doctor. It will all be okay.

And I can't wait for this detoxing to be OVER!!!