Kindeyes

I just did something that is now causing me an enormous amount of anxiety. While reading our local community paper, there was an article about a newly formed group of concerned parents and law enforcement officers who are trying to address the growing use of drugs and alcohol by minors in our community. They provided the email address of the officer who is heading this group.

Well, I emailed her and expressed my desire to "give back" by participating with this group even though I no longer have children in our school district.

The anxiety is caused by the following:

- I am exposing myself as the mother of a recovering drug user and alcoholic.

- I am a business owner in our community.

- I am concerned about "what if it gets back to my son--how will he react".

- I'm not sure that I can talk openly about this issue without busting out in tears.

The email has been sent. I can't retract it but I'm now wishing I could. I'm afraid. I'm not really use to that emotion. I'm literally shaking and wondering "what the he77 have I done!"

Has anyone else out there participated in a community group of this type? I feel like I've opened Pandora's Box and I want to slam the lid back down.

Crap.

Mair

To be honest i think that it is brilliant idea. It will show that the problem is real, and that it can happen to anybody. And who knows it might be beneficial to you by speaking out.

If i was asked by anyone to talk about my experience with alcoholism i would. I have infact spoken to two work collegues who have ah about my experiences, and hopefully the little knowledge that i have has been a little help for them.

Dont be afraid, you'll be fine

Mair

Taking5

I think that is a courageous idea, and I think if it gets out it will help, not hurt, you and your business (not that you should advertise it).

Also, if you use the right email client, and not too much time has passed, you CAN recall an email message. Most people are not aware of this but it can be done, I probably do it twice a year.

warrens

What have you done?

Precisely what your spiritual self told you was a way to make the world a better place. The purest deeds can have repercussion. The handful that speak up against genocide, for example, risk death or, at the very least, estrangement from what is "comfortable.

I applaud you. I hope your son will come to do the same.

warren

Spiritual Seeker

My son knows that I volunteer to talk about addiction. He stated that he respects me for it. I am on a referral list by the county Al-anon chapter and an interventionist. I often
get called. However, that is a bit anonymous.

I use to go to open AA mtgs. as al-anon suggests, to understand addiction. At 1st I was fearful that someone would think I was an addict. Then I got over that.

I have offered my ESH in my professional life after I got over the fear of doing so.

I now believe that this is a terrible disease, an epidemic too and it deserves to be brought out into the open. Let it begin with us.

In al-anon The 12th step is to carry the message and help out others who suffer.
Our traditions encourage us to be of service.
This is a tremendous opportunity for you to do so.

Your gut told you to get involved. Toss fear and doubt.
Once they respond you can determine if you can be of service.

As I have shared my story, I find that few are untouched by addiction in their own family.

Go for it kindeyes.

tryingtofly

FWIW, (it's sort of unrelated, but bear with me ) when I was younger I had a speech problem. I saw 5 different speech therapists until I found one that had had the same problem as me. What I had spent 7 years working on, was "cured" in 5 weeks. Because she understood that it wasn't just as simple as "say it right".
I'm a smoker and a friend of the family recently caught his son smoking. So I went to talk to him and told him how stupid it was, and what a waste of money smoking was etc etc. And he looked at me and said "But you smoke" my response: "Exactly, I'm a smoker who's telling you not to do it."

In your case, you've lived through it - you know what it's like. Not that those who read about it/hear about it are clueless, but you're an invaluable resource in this case. Good luck and do whatever your heart tells you to

Barbara52

I applaud you for considering doing this even if you later decide not to.

Sure, it will be scary as all get out. But think of the number of people your words and story may be able to reach?

BBD

I absolutely think you did a wonderful thing. I was talking to my husband about that the other day. I would love to open up something like that in our community and you have just given me an idea. My hubby is retiring and the school system here just brushes everything that happens that involves drugs under the rug.........I love it...I'm going to think about this. My hubby is retiring from teaching this year and I'd love to OPEN this drug problem big time around here...Thanks for the thought..Bonnie

kermit

Go with your first instinct, you are going to love "giving back"

I guess I do not understand.

Kindeyes

Thank you for all of the kind words and encouragement. I don't know what will come of my participation (if anything) with this group. But I remember what I felt like when my son was in high school and I knew he was drugging and drinking. I feel like I did all of the WRONG things. I felt so isolated and embarassed. I remember thinking "how could you do this to ME!" when he was expelled from school in 11th grade for possession of drug paraphenalia. For a reasonably intelligent woman......I was really ignorant! I did everything in my power to brush his activities under the carpet so that no one else would see it. I thought "if I can just make this go away quickly, he'll get back on the right track".

I wonder how many other parents do those things. Hire the attorneys. Go to court. Make sure he dresses "properly".......you know you MUST wear a suit to court. Look at those other kids in holely jeans and t-shirts......do you really think the judge will be leanient with them? Mind your manners and speak respectfully. I'm watching.

Something came on the television the other day about teens and sex, drugs and alcohol. The discussion with the teens was "what stresses you out". Both of my adult children were in the room and I turned to them and said "Hey you guys.....what stressed you out when you were in high school". My son quietly replied "You Mom."

There is a fine line between teaching your children and letting your children just learn.

i4getsm

Kind, I think you have so much to offer to other parents going through the same thing. If you're not comfortable going public, I'm sure there are a lot of things that you can do in the background. Work up your courage on those things and then maybe start talking to a parent or two. I might not have understood what you were offering to do exactly but you only have to do what you are comfortable doing. That doesn't have to mean standing in front of a podium on Main Street announcing your son is an addict. KWIM?

And, at the end of the day, you have not made any kind of commitment to anyone at this point. If they contact you, you can decline involvement. I remember a post not too long ago about someone having committed to doing a play but then deciding they didn't want to do anymore. (Sorry I can't remember who it was at the moment.) You can always say No.

Spiritual Seeker

Kindeyes- It is obvious now that you are a SAGE .
Share your wisdom and strength where ever you can.
I know that I benefit from knowing you here.

Rella927

KindEyes...

I say DITTO go for it! Sharing our ES & H benefits those who want to take it....

I think that you have a lot of courage to do this and applaud you too! "Giving back" always makes us feel good IMHO. There is a reason you jumped up and did this...now
go with that!

bookwyrm

I second that. I'm still fairly new here but your posts are thoughful, kind and thought provoking. It would be wonderful if you could take the chance to share this with a 'real' audience as well as the virtual one here!

nowinsituation

The organization I work for offers a program within the State's schools providing training and resources for the teachers and schools in identifying and dealing with at-risk kids. It is really a great program; but is always scraping by with little funding support. They offered a pilot program last year providing free sessions for parents. Timing was great for me because my son had just been ticketed for an alchol-related offense/suspended from the football team/etc., etc. I was at my wits-end calling the school and talking to everyone I could think of about how unfairly he was treated and how could I get him back on the football team (isn't that what Mom's are supposed to do???--NOT). Anyway, the parenting class was GREAT; lots of materials and advice; and just talking to the few other parents there about similar things we were going through. However, there was such little interest in the program (most classes were cancelled because of lack of enrollment) that they did not continue it. I would sure like to see something like that be successful. I think most of the parents are maybe in denial or want to maintain a facade that their kids are not involved in drugs/alcohol in their teen years.

But -- my son is now a very successful and independent college student; I am very proud of him. He is not the A that brought me here (his father is); I pray every day that he can avoid that legacy.

Kindeyes

SS - Sage? I don't think so. I sure as heck don't know much but I can recognize all of the ways I screwed up and I'm doing my best to correct those flaws. But quite honestly, if someone had tried to tell me what I was doing wrong when I was doing it, I would have thought they were NUTS. In fact, my dear husband DID try to tell me but he didn't know specifics......and it usually turned into a disagreement.

nowin-boy could I ever relate to what you wrote. I did the same thing to get my son back into school after being expelled. I wrote letters, I begged, I pleaded and I pushed and pushed and pushed. I'm concerned about this program falling by the wayside due to lack of participation and cancellation of classes due to lack of enrollment. It's the issue of denial. In this community I'm concerned that parents who SHOULD BE concerned will be embarassed to be seen at such a class or meeting. They think that "it's just a phase" and it will pass. Or they are just too darn busy with their own lives to care.

You did something right. Your son is living independently and is successful! I hope that he chooses to stay on that path.

Spiritual Seeker

Kindeyes- maybe one day you will graciously accept a complement
Don't be so hard on yourself about the past. It brought you to today and in my mind you are a sage. okay... a beautiful spirit

Kindeyes

ss
ok.....let me try this......thank you. It is very kind of you to say such nice things about me. I get so very much from coming to this forum and gaining understanding of myself and trying every day to be a better human being.

I love your screen name and avitar. I am also seeking spiritual peace and understanding. Yoga, meditation, and the study of some of the eastern religious philosophies are particularly helpful to me. Your avitar reminds me of Gandhi (due to it's Hindu symbolism). He was a true Sage. I suppose that is why I had difficulty accepting your compliment.

namaste

cem001

I personally think that getting involved would be a wonderful reward if you can just help one person.

My husband also owns a business here in town, and with his being open about being a RA his business has suffered none. In fact, we have had old customers come back.

I wished our town would do something like that, we live in a small community where gangs are now beginning to make their stands.

EDUCATION is the key.

Thanks to all that's out there that is willing to make a difference regardless of how small or large.