Tired of waiting
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ogden UT
Posts: 49
Tired of waiting
Hello everybody-
I am new to this but here it goes....I have been married to my husband for 5 years and he is one of the kindest most gentlest men I know But he has a alcohol and possibel coke problem.
He has been alcohol free since November..I think..4 days ago he broke that when he brought home a six pack and drank two at home and then threw the rest away?? I wasnt ok with it but at least he was at home and not driving...He got two DUI within one year about 3 years ago.
Now a new problem 8 months ago I found coke in his wallet and he claimed guys at work were playing a joke on him and he didnt know it was real. Stupid me I believed him. 3 days ago I found white cocaine powder...I knew it was cocaine b/c it numbed my tongue and left my mouth dry. He proceeded to tell me it was something else so the next day I lied to him and told him I had it tested and it was coke and he said oh I dont know how it got there I dont do coke. Do I believe him....ah no... but I am at the last straw in my life. I dont know what to say to him anymore but to get help and grow up. We dont have kids b/c of his problems with alcohol before I didnt want to bring a child into that and I sure dont want a child dealing with coke either. He has some of the effects of cocaine I can see bloodshot eyes, loss of appetite, lies and who has cocaine debris in their wallet if they dont use it.. I bought him this new wallet in November so its not that old.
I am stuck I have read codependcy books and he has gone to AA for 3 months then quit going and now I am worried he will go back down the same path. He assures me he doesnt want to hurt me anymore but my gut doesnt tell me them same.
I am done crying and being so untrusting of him everytime I give him the trust he tears it back down. I can appreciate any advice you guys have.
I am new to this but here it goes....I have been married to my husband for 5 years and he is one of the kindest most gentlest men I know But he has a alcohol and possibel coke problem.
He has been alcohol free since November..I think..4 days ago he broke that when he brought home a six pack and drank two at home and then threw the rest away?? I wasnt ok with it but at least he was at home and not driving...He got two DUI within one year about 3 years ago.
Now a new problem 8 months ago I found coke in his wallet and he claimed guys at work were playing a joke on him and he didnt know it was real. Stupid me I believed him. 3 days ago I found white cocaine powder...I knew it was cocaine b/c it numbed my tongue and left my mouth dry. He proceeded to tell me it was something else so the next day I lied to him and told him I had it tested and it was coke and he said oh I dont know how it got there I dont do coke. Do I believe him....ah no... but I am at the last straw in my life. I dont know what to say to him anymore but to get help and grow up. We dont have kids b/c of his problems with alcohol before I didnt want to bring a child into that and I sure dont want a child dealing with coke either. He has some of the effects of cocaine I can see bloodshot eyes, loss of appetite, lies and who has cocaine debris in their wallet if they dont use it.. I bought him this new wallet in November so its not that old.
I am stuck I have read codependcy books and he has gone to AA for 3 months then quit going and now I am worried he will go back down the same path. He assures me he doesnt want to hurt me anymore but my gut doesnt tell me them same.
I am done crying and being so untrusting of him everytime I give him the trust he tears it back down. I can appreciate any advice you guys have.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 63
Your story is familiar. I too did not want to bring kids into my world being married to a coke addict. I am so infuriated now by that because I am 39 and feel that my time is done. But that's neither here nor there ... I find that they will lie, lie, lie to try to manipulate .. They almost start believing their own lies ... Go with your gut .. If it tells you he is using cocaine, chances are he is using cocaine ... I have yet to get myself to any meetings but have found so much strength in this site .. I was able to do what I needed to do for ME after years and years of living my life for my AH .. I do believe they don't intentionally want to hurt us, but they refuse to do what they need to do to stop hurting, not only us, but themselves as well. I recently kicked my AH out and have to say that it's been a little over 1 month and it still feels strange, but not dealing with the manipulations, constant guessing, checking and watching the person you care for lie straight in your eyes, is something I don't think I will ever miss ...
Please stay strong and trust your gut. Don't allow him to confuse you into thinking that you don't know what you are talking about. Been there, done that.
Prayers and hugs,
Please stay strong and trust your gut. Don't allow him to confuse you into thinking that you don't know what you are talking about. Been there, done that.
Prayers and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: hollywood florida
Posts: 153
i was hooked on drugs too and what you think is right . i use to hide it tell lies about it and lost my family from it . and that was 9 years ago and havent done any sence.. trust your gut ..do what you have to help or just walk away for a while and maybe that will snap him out of it ..
peace, love and god bless
peace, love and god bless
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you and am sorry for this stuff happening in your life. Not knowing what I'm dealing with always turns me topsy turvy. Most of the people on this site will tell you to trust your gut. You've done a great job of that by knowing not to have children with him.
Take care of yourself and keep learning all you can in the rooms of Alanon, this forum, and with the other tools of recovery.
My RAH finally made the decision to quit alcohol when he finally admitted to himself that it will always lead him back to crack. Maybe not right away - but eventually. He quit the crack when he decided that he was done - everyone in his life tried to help him find the way to sobriety but no one ever made any head way. He didn't quit until he was ready. He has not relapsed as of yet and it has been 3 years. However, he had stints at multi in-patient rehabs, out patient rehabs, blah blah blah. He might have strung together some clean time but he wasn't really "sober" - especially since he was drinking.
thinking about you - hugs.
Take care of yourself and keep learning all you can in the rooms of Alanon, this forum, and with the other tools of recovery.
My RAH finally made the decision to quit alcohol when he finally admitted to himself that it will always lead him back to crack. Maybe not right away - but eventually. He quit the crack when he decided that he was done - everyone in his life tried to help him find the way to sobriety but no one ever made any head way. He didn't quit until he was ready. He has not relapsed as of yet and it has been 3 years. However, he had stints at multi in-patient rehabs, out patient rehabs, blah blah blah. He might have strung together some clean time but he wasn't really "sober" - especially since he was drinking.
thinking about you - hugs.
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