RoomAtTheTop

Ok, enough with the “cutting down.” I had the worst day of my entire life in which I freaked out so badly I had to call my Mom and now she knows that my life has turned into a Springer episode. To make a long story short, I missed work, spent the day hung over and packing up all my ****, then not sure if I wanted to move out or not, end a relationship or not. I was emotionally incapable of going to work, it was the first day in a long time I had nothing to drink.

The difficult thing is that I’m in a relationship where we both drink too much. I want to quit completely and he doesn’t. I’m seriously pondering getting my own apartment...we’re not getting along and I’m not sure how much alcohol is a part but in order to find out exactly what’s going on, I’ve got to stop & see clearly. I’m afraid that if I am able to pull this off and he keeps going that we’ll separate anyhow. It’s a possibility I have to be willing to accept because I have to look after myself first and I haven’t bothered to do that in a very long time.

So now my family and a few close friends know. Apparently, I hid it well and they were surprised to find out that I felt like I couldn’t stop (see how that sentence has turned into past tense? I just noticed that upon re-reading)

Where to go from here, other than my decision, is blurry. I have looked and not found any meetings that are secular...this is surprising considering I live in Chicago and it’s the 2nd largest city in the U.S. Anybody know anything I can check out? AA is not going to work for me because I’m not a Christian. Secondly, I would like to have a therapist but I already live off my credit card too much so I’ll have to call my insurance and find out if that’s even possible. Isn’t there a way of getting therapy if you’re relatively poor? I have no idea.

I don’t know what I’m up against but I know I don’t want to be this person anymore that ***** up constantly and makes an ass of herself. I don’t want to live the Springer lifestyle anymore. Like I said, I’ve never given this an honest try, just stopping. One thing I’m worried about is how to spend my lunch hour....it’s very relaxing and keeps my sanity in tact at an overly stressful job to get a couple vodka and cranberries in and relax with a book....how to substitute that? I can maybe try getting a sandwich and going to a park and eating it there. Maybe by the time it gets cold out again, I’ll be getting better.

I can’t think too far ahead with this. I have a vacation planned this weekend, going out of town for my first weekend sober to a cabin in the woods. My boyfriend will want to bring beer and I’ll have to stay strong. At least we both agree on one thing now for a few months: no liquor in the house, no liquor on our trip as well. As I don’t like the taste of beer that much, I should be ok but I wish we could both quit at the same time...after a few days of this I’m sure beer will start to sound more tasty.

Jomey

Hey, Welcome to SR! Thanks for coming here and sharing what is going on in your life. I think you are taking a good look at your life and making a smart decision in trying to quit. One of the things that jumped out at me from your post was "AA will not work for me because I am not a Christian". Please don't think I am trying to jam AA down your throat, because there are secular recovery groups around, but the only requirement to attend AA is a desire to stop drinking. You have already got that - so why not give AA a try. I think you will find a lot of answers to the questions in your post by learning about recovery as a long term process and I think AA can help with that. Just a suggestion.

Good luck and keep posting! Jomey

four812

thanks for sharing this, i appreciate it very much at this moment. I'm down from using again and i feel a little less alone. i may be "found out' AGAIN. I tried to lie to cover up usilng last night, but it was a terrible lie. i feel like what you said: ***** up constantly

good luck to you. i imagine the beer may sound good as you said. don't fool yourself into the idea of having just one. it wouldn't work for me. my whole using/drinking life has been about not wanting to feel my feelings, or wanting to be something that i'm not, and once I have one and I sense a crack of being able to run away then I'm off to the races.

Taking5

Smart is the only secular recovery I am aware of, but AA is NOT a Christian organization. I don't even believe it is religious, but many disagree with me. In my AA group there are Christian, Jewish, Atheist and Buddist members that I am aware of. I honestly have no idea the religious beliefs of 95% of the people I know in AA.

But AA or not, get what ever help you can, and remember that we are always here for you at SR.

Ananda

You might check out under special interest groups...secular recovery and secular 12 step recovery... I am a buddhist attending AA, but there are many people here using other methods....just find one that works for you.

Welcome!