shg65

Greetings,

Firstly let me introduce myself. My name is Stephen I am 42 and I am married with two kids a boy 14 and a girl 10. I live in New Zealand. My addiction is alcohol and I drink mainly beer. My wife is not a drinker. My father, brother & sister are alcoholics.

I have tried many times and have just failed again at another attempt to stop drinking. My fantastic caring & supportive wife is, I think, at a point where she has had enough. Even though she says she will stick with me I am so unsure of how much more she can take before she say enough is enough - this frightens me more than anything because I love her with all my heart. What causes her the most pain are the lies I have to make up to cover my drinking. When I fail I know that she knows and I even say to her she is imagining things. I know she wants us to be as good as we can as a couple and trusts me too much.

I first tried stopping about 3 years ago and the longest period I stopped for was 5 FANTASTIC months! Usually I stop for 3 to 4 weeks and then start up again. I think that I can handle a couple of drinks and even now I think (or maybe wish) that I could drink sensibly. My addiction keeps me thinking this and I truly hate myself for this line of thought.

When I stop drinking I am a wonderfully supportive husband and family guy. But…..I still want to have a drink even though I know the pain it causes. Am I at a stage to stop or will I fail more and more? This really worries me and a drink helps to get rid of the anxiety. I really need help and I know what I need to do but I am seriously worried about my future without drinking – is this strange, me worried about what should be a good thing (not drinking)?

I blamed my wife this time for me starting drinking. We have only had sex twice in the last two years. She wants trust before intimacy. I want intimacy and started drinking to curb my sexual frustrations. I am worried that I will go without sex again for another huge period of time. Selfish isn’t it?

Please offer me some suggestion on stopping.

Thanks
Stephen

Rusty Zipper

stephen, welcome to the family...

what worked for me, was wanting to stop more then life itself!

i fixed me, then, all the rest followed, not always to my like'n, just way equiped to deal with!

i fixed by examples, and my actions... not my mouth!

good wishes stephen

rz

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

Our addictive minds are selfish and illogical. That's what addiction does to us.

Yes, you can stop, if you want to badly enough. It's hard to do and you need to really want to be sober. Stopping drinking is the beginning of the journey on the road of recovery.

CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community.

Have you considered a structured program for sobriety?
AA is working super for me...

Blessings to you and yoour family

sct

Fear is really common. What you're facing is losing a relationship with something familiar, even though that thing has proved harmful, giving it up means facing the unknown. But you don't have to face it alone. Finding support might do a lot to help you cope, both with staying clear of alcohol and as living evidence that you can give up drinking and find a new way to live without fear.

ThisIsTheDay

Hi Stephen, Welcome to SR

I just had a relapse after 12 days, so sorry not much help on kicking it.
What I did learn from this is I think I planed it...my Unconscious mind guided me on the worst day ever...Friday. I have to break all patterns and hangouts (bars).

Good Luck!

least

We can only stop drinking when we want it more than anything else in the world. When it's our driving force, when it's louder than the voice of the alcohol, only then will be be able to quit. Some of us, myself especially, have had to try lots of times. But each time I come back I am stronger cause I learned something about my triggers and stressors.

Yes, you can stop drinking but you GOTTA WANNA stop! Have you considered AA? There's a lot of support and encouragement in those rooms.

All the best to you in your attempt to get and stay sober. Remember, one day at a time.

:ghug3

sailorjohn

WELCOME!!!

Outside support really does help, there is a very good program called AA that will offer you the support-and structure, as Carol mentioned-to maintain your sobriety. You will continue to drink until you've had enough, that was true of all of us.

gravity

I recently read a really good definition of reaching your bottom. It's when you are about to lose or have just lost something more important to you than alcohol.

I still have my wife and kids, thank God.

Do whatever it takes.