Alice Kate

I recently started dating someone. We have the most beautiful times together some days, and are both so happy and into each other. He is so loving and affectionate, calling me baby, sweetheart, darling, and it's like the next day he calls me by my name, dude, man etc, and does not even seem to want to sit next to me let alone kiss me. It's like somedays I mean the world to him, other days I like a distant aquaintence who means nothing to him. Then there are his mood swings. He will start an arguement out of no where, and call me childish, and why don't I act like an adult etc. He is always making the comparision with everyone, that he's the adult, and everyone else is a child. He also blows up into a crazy rage over the most ridiculous of things, and it's like he has this crazy rage in his eyes. Then he send abusive text messages, and frantically calling, like he so passionately wants to fight it's insane. All his friends get sick off him, and go through times of not speaking to him. He makes the mostly crazy plans, like lets fly to Australia tonight. Lets just drive to Texas (from California) right now. He is impulsive beyond all imagination, with no reason or thought, like having to go to work tomorrow. He can't organize his life, his apt is a complete mess, so is his care he's behind with rent etc, he's broke. He is nice to people including me one day, then the next treats us like he hates us and we're out to get him. I have helped him out financially etc, and when he is normal says I'm the kindess, sweetest person he's ever met, and the next day, it's like I'm his worst energy and I'm out to get him. He makes plans to go places all the time, like vacations, and pays, then bails 2 hours before we're set to go etc. He leads girls on, not even to have sex with them, just to the point of getting them to like them, then once he's achieved that he creates this huge arguement and never speaks to them again.

He takes everything you say as criticism, even when that's the last thing you are doing, and then he attacks you venomouly. We recently started seeing each other and things were great at first but soon turned sour. He is constantly making remarks when we are out that he would have sex with that girl and this girl. To the point where I thought he was a player, but turns out he's not. When we actually slept together, he couldn't do it, panicked and got up and left right in the middle of it. The next couple of times were disasters too. I thought it was wierd to start with, as he talked about sex a lot, but then made no move on me at all. If ever our friends left and it mean't him and I being alone together, he would run out the door with them. I knew he was avoiding being alone, I now know why. It's not as though we arn't attracted to each other, we are, and he keeps letting how sexy I am to him. But it is my understanding that mental illness causes sexual performance problems also. We are both 26.

The other night after dating for a month. I sat down with him and told him something was wrong with him. He got annoyed at first, but then opened up to me. I chose a time when he was in a good mood. He said he started to feel different a year ago, and although he loved his girlfriend at the time, he started to be very mean to her, and sometimes didn't even want to see her for weeks. He said she complained all the time that he was cruel and nasty to her sometimes and that he needed help. He then proceded to tell he how some days he's just can't leave the house and doesn't want to see anyone. Then other days he is so angry and people including me for no reason. No one has said or done anything to him, yet he is so violently angry at them. He also said that he really cares about me, and I actually believe that, and that he can't be with me right now because I told him he scares me sometimes with his rage. He told me out right that he knows something is very seriously wrong in his head and he needs to get his life in order before he can be with anyone. He said despite how much I care about you, if we continue seeing each other right now, I know I will destroy you, I'll hurt you, I'll be cruel to you. And although that's the last thing I want to do, I know that I will, because when I get in those states I can't control it. I know he would never be physically violent, but he is so cruel with his remarks. I'm actaully surprised he talked to me about this normally he just creates a huge arguement with the girl then never speaks to them again.

So my question is what does this sound like? Bi-polar, personality disorder, skitsophrenia (?). I really care about his guy. What do I do. He can not afford to go and see a therapist to see whats wrong. I offered to pay, but he wouldn't accept. He said he has to get his life together himself, but I don't think he's capable. He doesn't have anyone else, so what should I do? I also don't understand if he likes me as much as he says how can he just bail on me? Also are there any free clinics/therapists he could go to to get a diagnosis, as he is completely broke and he's getting worse and worse, to the point of complete and utter insanity somedays.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Morning Glory

Hi Alice Kate.

This is from the LA department of mental health.

For free, confidential mental health information, referrals to service providers, and crisis counseling at any day or time, call our 24/7 ACCESS CENTER at 1-800-854-7771.

I know you care about him, but he will have to go in willingly for help if he wants it. If he chooses not to get help there is nothing you can do. I would also be very careful. You can never be sure that someone won't harm you. He is unstable right now and you need to protect yourself. Maybe meeting him in public places would be a good idea for now if you continue to see him.

If he refuses to get help then I would consider breaking ties and moving on. I really think you may be in danger right now. Please be very careful.

Hugs,
MG

tiburon88

His impulsive thoughts and ideas are a sign of bi-polar. Severe mood swings are also another sign. Of course, I'm not a Dr. but he sounds like he needs to get a good evaluation. There are free mental health clinics in almost any city in the U.S. The secret is you have to seek them out and be persistent.

tib

historyteach

No one here can diagnose anyone online. No one is a doctor, and even if we were,we couldn't diagnose from a second hand party. It's far too complicated.

MG has given you some good resources and advice. Please take it to heart.

Shalom!