SugarLily

Sorry to start another thread.

Ex called, he needs his things from my garage. He's an electrician and I have hundreds of pounds worth of his cables and paraphenalia in my garage so I said of course he can come over and pick it up.

I just feel nervous, I know it's over. And I KNOW in my mind it is. But ughh, I don't think I'm ready to see him. I don't know how I will react, will I cry as usual?

Maybe I should go out while he comes over but all my friends are busy tonight. I guess I could just sit in the house with my dog and pretend he isn't out there packing his van.

I guess there was no real need to start this thread, I'm sorry, I just feel anxious.

Lilyflower

Is there anyone at home with you who can offer support? You don't have to be there when he is taking his things back, but I would be careful if there are things belonging to others in the garage? I know my ex went through a phase of pawning alot of things as had less income but still wanted a drink.

How's about making a cuppa, sit in the garage and reading a book while he is taking stuff? You can keep an eye to him then, but don't have to talk.

Remember you don't have to chat with him if you don't want, if he says things you don't want to reply to just tell him that.

Be strong Sugar, you can get through it!

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

miss communicat

why not make a clear time (like an appointment) with him, so that you don't have to sit around hanging your own night up? Parameters. Something with a start and end time.

make it for a time that suits you. then you are free to stay or go, you have choices. maybe, if no friends are around, go to a movie. the park. a cafe. if you don't feel ready to see him, then don't.

photograph the garage thoroughly before he comes so yu have inventory.

then,
let it all go.

it will work out fine!

sailorjohn

Sorry to hear about your house business, hope it goes well.

Barbara52

Set a time for him to come over and either have some friends with you or call the cops and let them know you anticipate trouble.

Can he get into the house from the garage? If not, heck, just ignore his presence.

suki44883

Maybe you should not be home when he comes. Go to the mall and just walk around or go somewhere else.

SugarLily

Well he came over within minutes of me posting this thread. I'm left a blubbering wreck. I don't know how he does it to me.

He came in (which in hindsight he had no reason to) but he was playing with my dog, which was our dog. In the end we ended up sitting on the edge of the sofa, a huge gap between us. He never ended up emptying his van, was this a ploy to get back with me? I don't know. But it was awful. I told him yet again all the reasons why I left, why I would not be second to a pub... I got the same sorry's back, the usual quacking.

I stayed outside while he was in with our dog and I was just crying, none stop crying. I hate how he can change my feelings so easily.

At one point I mentioned I have a weeks holiday booked in July, he wasn't happy. He said he'd be annoyed if I was seeing other men. I told him after all the hurt I'd been through with him another man is the last thing on my mind.

He left shortly after. I feel guilty and I don't know why.

lexusgirl

(((((sugarlily))))

It's ok to cry. It's also good to feel your feelings instead of pushing them down. So let it all out.

It's the manipulation game that most of them use. Hang in there

peaceteach

I'm sorry, I just feel anxious.

You survived this visit, Lily, but look at the pain it caused you. Next time, trust that "anxious" feeling as your gut telling you this is not good for you. It's up to you to protect yourself when that little sixth sense is giving you the message.

bookwyrm

I really feel for you this morning. Maybe having someone else around when he's there might help.

(((((suagrlily)))))

Mair

Hey dont worry, it wont feel half as bad if it happens againg. Cry scream get it out of your system. I know how your feeling and it's horrible, a phone call from my ex rocked my boat, it hurt for a few days but i got over it, and yes i felt guilty too WHY!! all i did was love him.

It's a process my friend, and i truly beleive that i and you are on the right path to our recovery.

Keep strong, remember who put you in this situation in the first place.

Mair xx

Barbara52

So did he take his stuff or not?

kermit

That is what I want to know Barb52
If he didn't then he will be back, just make sure Sugarlily, get to a meeting it will help SO much. Hang in there, we are here for you.
I remember watching my ex gather his things, so I know your pain.... wanht to know the funny thing? I helped him pack, made sure he had all his things...wow I have grown,, you will too... Sugar:ghug3

Taking5

Barbara raises a great point, you said initially he was coming to *pick up* some of his stuff, later on you said he never *emptied* his van.

So which was it? Was he picking stuff up or bringing more over?

If you want to move on make an appointment for him to pick up all of his stuff. Take the dog to a friends house, give him no reason to do anything buy get his stuff and leave. Take the photos as someone else suggested and get someone else that you trust to be there as a witness, preferably a 6'5" manly man.

Seriously, if its time to move on, make it happen. You'll probably still cry but you'll be better off for it.

peaceteach

If you could move, this is an excellent way to make the final break of "their stuff". Kind of like, "the end".