lilkim

I just don't understand myself. I told my ex I was done. I have to be done for me. His response was ok, bye bye. He came by a week later. He's working as a handyman for my landlord. He came up stairs on the pretense that he wanted to see our grandbaby. LOL!! What he wanted was to tell how done he was. That I have nothing,will be nothing. I've had serious health problems for 2 years. I'm blessed to be alive.

I'm pretty sure that all this has to do with another woman. But what I don't understand is why it bothers me that he thinks this stuff. He's a drunk and a drug addict. But his words truly hurt me. I can't get them out of my head. I don't understand how he has the abilty to make me feel anything. He certanly doesn't deserve to be in my thoughts at all.

I've got to stop this. I'm tormenting myself uselessly. Why, I have no idea. But he really made me feel like sh**.

I know the things I need to do but it seems like it's all to much effort. How do I stop this? He sure not thinking of me. I'm tired of being miserable.

Impurrfect

(((lilkim)))

I would probably react the same way if my ex told me that. However, it wouldn't take long for me to realize that he's just trying to get back at me for telling him to go. They always have to get in the last word...the last jab. When we stop reacting to it, they usually give it up.

Remember..."he's a drunk and a drug addict"...so what comes out of his mouth is far from reality.

I'm sorry you're hurting, but let what he said go. He's wrong, you know it, we know it.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

atalose

It may have to do with your codependency and the need to feel good from external sources instead of from internal from with in.

lilkim

I believe that it's because I'm not being unkind. And there's alot I could be unkind about. Leaving him had nothing to do with loving him. I had to because of the crazyness that goes with addiction. I tried for 8 years. Things weren't gettng better. I just loved myself enough to understand he was slowly taking me to with him to hell.

But I remember him before. He's done things that made me adore him. To know what could be without the addictions. But he has to do it. I can't. I've accepted that am I'm moving forward. I don't understand being hateful. There were good things and bad. I don't understand this need to make me feel horrible. Just go on about your way. Don't show up at my house. I will do the same.

And as soon as something goes wrong with this woman, I'll be the one he calls. Well, tries, The number going to be changed. I just can't believe the depth of haterd coming out of him.

beegee

lilkim, Your ex wants to hurt you because it makes him feel better, still in control of you. I had someone like that once who did the same only he wasn't an addict. He is looking for a reaction from you.
I know it is hard but learn to ignore him, know he wants to push buttons and you will be stronger for it and when he gets no reaction, he will stop.
Stay strong inside and let go of him. (((hugs)))

lilkim

What's really crazy about it is he'll talk about how this woman is soooo much better than me. What an awful person I am but sooner or later he'll try to contact me. if I'm that awful leave me be. He's got a whole circle of "friends" and I do use term loose that come from the bars he hangs in. Of, they have the same issue. These are the people that are giving him advice about me. But they never met me. What the h***? That stuff just annoys me more than anything.

But what's bad is he got my landlord to make him a handyman. So, on occission I still see him. He wants to run his mouth. I'm just so tired of it.

splendra

(((lilkim))))

I am sorry for your pain. I hope you can stop taking what he says into your heart. He is sick.

I have found that for me it is not so much what they say as much as it is the thoughts that go on in my head concerning what they say. I tell myself they must be talking about their own self not me when they say stuff like what your ex says to you. I then I get a whole different perspective and can more easily disregard what they say. I do feel compassion for them cause gee whiz I know they feel bad about every thing but, it is still not my problem.

lilkim

It's just figuring how to deal with it when he's around. My daughter told me unless he has work to do in the apartment. I don't have to let him in. He likes to use the excuse that he wants to see the grandkids. BS. I told him call I would leave the apartment. I bet you can guess. He hasn't once called. It's just to mess with me when he comes around. I just don't want him knowing he has the power to move me one way or another.

loner1968

Lilkim,
I could have written your post. I was also told by my XABF how great his new AGF was and how I have done nothing with my life. Not like he would know what I have done. He was not around and we didn't even speak for almost a whole year! Anyway its typical and yeah it hurts like hell.

It was mostly because I told him that I didnt want to be with him if he was going to keep using. He was looking for a way out of his relationship with the girl that was so great. I guess I ruined his plans. So he had to make me feel small. Used every single thing he knew would hurt me. It took a long time for me to overcome the feelings of being a "loser".

I didnt have this forum then but once I found it I really started to see. Its still hard because my codie brain is programmed to think I am nothing. I know It's not true. I am doing the best I can.

That's all we can really do. I would say don't let it get to you but I know that it does. Just hang in there and know that you are something!