shemp

While working the steps I came to a crossroad cause it says to make amends to people that you have hurt. I have made plenty to my family and my friends, but there is one that bothers me. I know that i will never be able to make to this one person that I really hurt and once really loved. It is not possible to do this process with this person cause it will endanger me not the other person. i still would love to make the admends with this person. I believe that this person deserves it cause of everything that I have done to this person. I am really torn with this but I dont know what to do. I cant get in touch with this person and cant make the effort to. If anybody has any Ideas or thought I would love to hear them.

gypsytears

Move on.

tellus

If you're working the steps, I'm guessing you have a sponsor--have you discussed it with him?

Impurrfect

I was told that if I couldn't make an amend to someone, I could still try to figure out a way....like volunteer my time or make a donation to a charity they believe in. I was also told that sometimes the best I could do was make sure I didn't make the same mistake again. I'm sure your sponsor will have some good ideas.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Anna

I think it's not always possible for many reasons, to be able to make amends with someone. I have someone in my life I wanted to make amends with and I can't find her. So, you could try journalling about it. And, then just try to let it go.

shemp

yes I have and is working with me on this but is still hard, also said with hard work I will get through it

HeavyJ

Writing it down might help. I mean really taking a step back and writing from your heart. Even if nobody reads it but you. This helps me...

Heavy

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

Shemp,

There are folks on my list who I can't make an actual amend to due to different reasons. My sponsor has told me to write out the amend anyway. Once I'm done with my writing, then we'll see what we'll do with it.

Focus on the writing, hand up the worry to your HP. You'll know what to do with it when it's time for you to know.

congrats on your hard work!

CarolD

My suggestion ....
write an anmends letter ...then burn it.

Blessings

least

The Big Book says to make direct amends "except when to do so would injure them or others". So I don't think you have a problem, really. Do as has been suggested - write an amends letter and then burn it. If God forgives you and you can forgive yourself you are doing alright.:ghug2

Ananda

amends are a lifetime thing....i have one that i can't make now as it would harm them, but i beleive the day may come when i can. I have another one that may involve legal repercussions for me....i'm holding off till i have a little more sobriety to do that one (not too long, but really need to prep myself and my family). My sponsor is a great aide, and we are at the point where we discuss amends carefully to be sure i take responsable yet is still done in a way that allows for the possiblity of healing for those i have harmed.

I believe that the big book is very clear that although the amends are to keep us sober, they are very MUCH about consideration for the person to whom we are making amends. it truley is not all about me and my needs.

tommyk

"except when to do so would injure them or others"

You are one of the 'others'.

Some might suggest writing out a very earnest, honest, and heartfelt amends to that person, sealing it in an envelope, and then putting it in a drawer or someplace, possibly forever. If it contains incriminating information, then burn it. But write it out, and feel it.

PaperDolls

Ditto what Carol says.
Write a letter.
Burn it.
Or not.
Just get it written down.
Then, move on.

gypsytears

Dee74

I think posting your intention here, you've done it - it's out there.
Now you can drop this - forever - and move on, right?

D