I hate groups
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 7
I hate groups
I hate groups. I've tried several of them. Its just a bunch of losers sitting around and talking about how they screwed up. It makes me feel bad about myself to go, or even think about going, because I don't want to be associated with these losers and their propaganda.
Ok, that's my rant.
But my loved ones are really nervous that I don't like groups and feel like I get nothing good, and some amount of bad from going. That I don't want to go.
I think that if I have the resolve not to put alcohol into my body (haven't for 6 or 7 weeks now) and people around to notice if I did then what do I need a group for?
Am I wrong?
Ok, that's my rant.
But my loved ones are really nervous that I don't like groups and feel like I get nothing good, and some amount of bad from going. That I don't want to go.
I think that if I have the resolve not to put alcohol into my body (haven't for 6 or 7 weeks now) and people around to notice if I did then what do I need a group for?
Am I wrong?
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
If you can keep from drinking all by yourself I cannot tell you that you're 'wrong'. Any way you can stay sober is ok by me. The only thing I must say is that 'groups', whether it be AA meetings or group therapy, do not consist of 'losers'. When I am in those groups I consider that I'm on the winning side by trying to fix my problems. I'm a future winner, not a past loser. At least that's how I look at it.
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
I assume you're talking about AA Meetings or outpatient counseling.
With all due respect, I don't think an individual who has the courage to admit that they have a problem with alcohol/drugs is a loser. . . I would call them a winner.
Are you or are you not an alcoholic?
With all due respect, I don't think an individual who has the courage to admit that they have a problem with alcohol/drugs is a loser. . . I would call them a winner.
Are you or are you not an alcoholic?
God's Kid
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,820
I can relate to that
Sometimes I hate them too. Then I reminded myself that liking them is optional. I forget AA was the last place on the block for me.
At the same time I've been sober long enough now to tell my story to newcomers and (this is the denial of alcoholism) sat in the houses of a few woman (who are on the downward sprial and phoned AA) and while they've drank I've told them my story to which their response has been, "Well, I am so sorry you had to go through that and if any of that stuff happens to me I'll get back to you." Some have been on the brink of loosing jobs/families/houses, some have lost this stuff already and some have even just got outta jail and are making a 2nd attempt at life.
Part of this disease called alcoholism is low self esteem and huge ego. I.e. you're better than me or I'm better than you. It ensures we are seperated from our fellows.
If you can stay stopped by yourself, I take my hat off to you, if you can't know the meetings are there for you to go to. Liking them is optional.
At the same time I've been sober long enough now to tell my story to newcomers and (this is the denial of alcoholism) sat in the houses of a few woman (who are on the downward sprial and phoned AA) and while they've drank I've told them my story to which their response has been, "Well, I am so sorry you had to go through that and if any of that stuff happens to me I'll get back to you." Some have been on the brink of loosing jobs/families/houses, some have lost this stuff already and some have even just got outta jail and are making a 2nd attempt at life.
Part of this disease called alcoholism is low self esteem and huge ego. I.e. you're better than me or I'm better than you. It ensures we are seperated from our fellows.
If you can stay stopped by yourself, I take my hat off to you, if you can't know the meetings are there for you to go to. Liking them is optional.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
lizw said it perfectly: liking them is optional.
But you are not alone in hating groups. Before I got into recovery I hated most anything that took me away from my drinking lifestyle. The only groups I liked were the groups in bars drinking, and to be honest I just barely tolerated them at their best point.
Is there a possibility that you hate most everything & anything right now?
Congrats on your sobriety...!
But you are not alone in hating groups. Before I got into recovery I hated most anything that took me away from my drinking lifestyle. The only groups I liked were the groups in bars drinking, and to be honest I just barely tolerated them at their best point.
Is there a possibility that you hate most everything & anything right now?
Congrats on your sobriety...!
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I use to feel the same way.
But when my way..which was by myself obviously didnt and isnt working.
Those "losers" are the ones who have always welcomed me with open arms.
Hey..I may have and can even learn a few things.
Those losers seem to be doing pretty well.
As a matter of fact I am on my way to IOP which is all day groups.
I guess I will be one of the losers today.
But a sober one at that.
Liz did say it right.
It is optional.
But when my way..which was by myself obviously didnt and isnt working.
Those "losers" are the ones who have always welcomed me with open arms.
Hey..I may have and can even learn a few things.
Those losers seem to be doing pretty well.
As a matter of fact I am on my way to IOP which is all day groups.
I guess I will be one of the losers today.
But a sober one at that.
Liz did say it right.
It is optional.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
i can relate to having angry reactions to members of the groups and that building into anger at the whole group itself. I can and do often still feel that way.
One way I deal with this problem of mine is I go to meetings expecting to hear things that I don't like, that I don't agree with, or that I think are STuPID. Then I notice what is going on in myself when these things come up. I see what is going on in me, when I am judging others...hating them or whatever. for example If I hate them, it may be because I am hating something about my own self. any reaction that I have when another person is simply talking is due to my own thinking inside of me. If i were confident in who i am and what i think and believe, then i wouldn't be offended by "stupid" people and by their trying to convince me to do what they are doing.
another thing that I try to bear in mind is that even if AA were 100% truth, this will be misinterpreted over and over and the real spirit of the AA philosophy will not shine through as much as it could. People come with their own ****, and sometimes it seems like that **** is spread around and around. So I try to look for the good. the good in the program...the things in the AA literature which work for me. the good in the people in the meetings.
I have to be careful to not get all excited when people dont believe the sway that I do. there are some things in AA that dont resonate with me anymore. The "disease concept" has turned into a way to not have to bear as much responsibility for our past. besides that it is simply ridiculous to me when it is taken literally.
the 6th and 7th step say that "god will remove our defects of character". if that is true then I cant wait to see someone who has their defects removed, or even one that doesn't come up occasionally. and besides that, part of my addiction has been about wanting to be "zapped" out of my discomfort. this praying to god so that I don't have to do anything (but pray) and then I will be all better doesn't work for me.
so when I hear 95% of the people in these rooms saying things that I don't agree with sometimes then I have to learn that what other people believe does not make my beliefs less important, and that I don't have to be offended in anyway. I can listen with an open mind. or I can have empathy for them and their close-mindedness or their blind following of someone else's path. I have this empathy because I have this close-mindedness and following others' people dreams all the time.
another thing I do is I do NOT go to a meeting every day anymore, and maybe never 2 meetings in the same day ever again. I don't depend upon AA to fill my needs, because AA does not fill my needs. I need to Create my recovery and I need to create the fullfillment of my needs. AA has many good things, and I try to take what works and leave the rest
anyway I guess I felt like talking abouty that for a bit!!!!!
have a good day everybody
One way I deal with this problem of mine is I go to meetings expecting to hear things that I don't like, that I don't agree with, or that I think are STuPID. Then I notice what is going on in myself when these things come up. I see what is going on in me, when I am judging others...hating them or whatever. for example If I hate them, it may be because I am hating something about my own self. any reaction that I have when another person is simply talking is due to my own thinking inside of me. If i were confident in who i am and what i think and believe, then i wouldn't be offended by "stupid" people and by their trying to convince me to do what they are doing.
another thing that I try to bear in mind is that even if AA were 100% truth, this will be misinterpreted over and over and the real spirit of the AA philosophy will not shine through as much as it could. People come with their own ****, and sometimes it seems like that **** is spread around and around. So I try to look for the good. the good in the program...the things in the AA literature which work for me. the good in the people in the meetings.
I have to be careful to not get all excited when people dont believe the sway that I do. there are some things in AA that dont resonate with me anymore. The "disease concept" has turned into a way to not have to bear as much responsibility for our past. besides that it is simply ridiculous to me when it is taken literally.
the 6th and 7th step say that "god will remove our defects of character". if that is true then I cant wait to see someone who has their defects removed, or even one that doesn't come up occasionally. and besides that, part of my addiction has been about wanting to be "zapped" out of my discomfort. this praying to god so that I don't have to do anything (but pray) and then I will be all better doesn't work for me.
so when I hear 95% of the people in these rooms saying things that I don't agree with sometimes then I have to learn that what other people believe does not make my beliefs less important, and that I don't have to be offended in anyway. I can listen with an open mind. or I can have empathy for them and their close-mindedness or their blind following of someone else's path. I have this empathy because I have this close-mindedness and following others' people dreams all the time.
another thing I do is I do NOT go to a meeting every day anymore, and maybe never 2 meetings in the same day ever again. I don't depend upon AA to fill my needs, because AA does not fill my needs. I need to Create my recovery and I need to create the fullfillment of my needs. AA has many good things, and I try to take what works and leave the rest
anyway I guess I felt like talking abouty that for a bit!!!!!
have a good day everybody
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
I have seen people get sober many different ways. The level of "group" activity varies from person to person and changes depending upon where each individual is at in their recovery and in their life (my observations). If all I could hear were people whining...I might struggle with this more. I hear some do and some dont and same people different day can be different.
I attend a relegious group, AA and participate in SR. I find that when we don't agree with each other, it just helps me learn more about what my expereince has been and wht i currenlty believe. And i have been able to hook up with some individuals that greatly add to my life. And some of the people i thought were wacked....end up having times and areas where i really click with them...and people i really thought were spiritual gurus...sometimes and in some areas appear to be really wacko!
For me learning how to live happy in the world means learning how to interact with others, those i "like" and those i don't "like".
Today i am happy with my world.
I attend a relegious group, AA and participate in SR. I find that when we don't agree with each other, it just helps me learn more about what my expereince has been and wht i currenlty believe. And i have been able to hook up with some individuals that greatly add to my life. And some of the people i thought were wacked....end up having times and areas where i really click with them...and people i really thought were spiritual gurus...sometimes and in some areas appear to be really wacko!
For me learning how to live happy in the world means learning how to interact with others, those i "like" and those i don't "like".
Today i am happy with my world.
Next stop: real life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 990
I'm not sure I like being called a loser. :/
Personally, I need "groups" to keep sober. They keep me from isolating, and working with my sponsor is helping me become a better person. I go into AA with the knowledge that some things I hear is going to bother me (a lot of the God stuff), and some things are going to resonate (the disease "concept," which is scientific fact). I take everything with a grain of salt and I do all right. That said, if you can be sober and happy without groups, more power to you. You're probably in the minority, as most people need some sort of peer support.
But bottom line, if you're sober and happy, that's what matters. No one should pressure you attend groups you don't think you need.
Personally, I need "groups" to keep sober. They keep me from isolating, and working with my sponsor is helping me become a better person. I go into AA with the knowledge that some things I hear is going to bother me (a lot of the God stuff), and some things are going to resonate (the disease "concept," which is scientific fact). I take everything with a grain of salt and I do all right. That said, if you can be sober and happy without groups, more power to you. You're probably in the minority, as most people need some sort of peer support.
But bottom line, if you're sober and happy, that's what matters. No one should pressure you attend groups you don't think you need.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 353
I can sort of relate to that. I'm pretty new, I recently recognized my problem. I have yet to attend any kind of meeting or group. I am tentative because I'm embarrassed about my problem, I am a little nervous about what i will find out in a group. I think everyone in a group is awesome for being there. I do know, however that it is my next step. If I feel the urge to drink again (I'm sure I will) I will do everything I can to stop it. I am thinking of one on one counceling first, than a group. I love people, and I'm sure I would do great, I'm just not there yet.
Thanks for the post!
Heavy
Thanks for the post!
Heavy
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Langley, BC
Posts: 1,007
well if I start going and someone calls me a loser...........
gotta say it won't do much to convince me to go back. I can feel like that all on my own - certainly don't need other people telling me.
gotta say it won't do much to convince me to go back. I can feel like that all on my own - certainly don't need other people telling me.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: United States
Posts: 69
I am in the majority in not doing groups. I decided that I did not like them either. That is my opinion though and many do like them. Most quit without the. Most in here use them though. I am in some regard I suppose just be being in this forum as are you...
Whether you use a group or do not use a group, it is a decision. Some find that decision easier with help. No matter how you do it, you are ultimately doing it on your own and by yourself. With or without "recovery pals" is up to you...
I joined a knitting club. We talk yarn and I like that better than what they talk about in meetings. When I quit I wanted to change my focus, not keep it the same. But that is just how I see it.
Thinkingabit
Whether you use a group or do not use a group, it is a decision. Some find that decision easier with help. No matter how you do it, you are ultimately doing it on your own and by yourself. With or without "recovery pals" is up to you...
I joined a knitting club. We talk yarn and I like that better than what they talk about in meetings. When I quit I wanted to change my focus, not keep it the same. But that is just how I see it.
Thinkingabit
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Medina, Ohio
Posts: 372
I was and am pretty antisocial, luckily I put that aside and went to A.A. Now I'm trying to change a little bit each day and the "losers" in the groups help me a great deal. Was I a loser by Society's standard? .. certainly not, 24 year military career, family, wealth, great job after the military... but I was a loser in life and what it means to really live it!
I believe anyone can quit drinking with or with out the support of others, however I also FIRMLY believe that to STAY sober you must have some type of support group, I prefer the losers in A.A. only I know that they are really the true WINNERS in life.
John
I believe anyone can quit drinking with or with out the support of others, however I also FIRMLY believe that to STAY sober you must have some type of support group, I prefer the losers in A.A. only I know that they are really the true WINNERS in life.
John
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
I'm going to 'loser group' tonight.
I'm already excited about it and it isn't even noon yet.
Whatever it takes to 'lose' my will to drink & do drugs is A-Okay with me.
And I'll have to admit that hanging out with the other 'losers' has been GREAT.
I've lost the drugs & alcohol for 14 years so far.
I'm already excited about it and it isn't even noon yet.
Whatever it takes to 'lose' my will to drink & do drugs is A-Okay with me.
And I'll have to admit that hanging out with the other 'losers' has been GREAT.
I've lost the drugs & alcohol for 14 years so far.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
i came back to this thread just now....a little down in spirit.
i feel a little better after reading all the new posts. the discussion here has been awsome. diverse. I appreciate and honor someone elses choice of how they get sober/clean. I appreciate hearing the many voices here that acknowledge that there is more than one way to get sober. I appreciate the honesty.
I got to get to work now
thanks
i feel a little better after reading all the new posts. the discussion here has been awsome. diverse. I appreciate and honor someone elses choice of how they get sober/clean. I appreciate hearing the many voices here that acknowledge that there is more than one way to get sober. I appreciate the honesty.
I got to get to work now
thanks
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Yes..I agree everyone has their own way of doing the thing.
The only problem I have is the "loser" part.
The statement could have been made without the name calling.
Just as groups may not work for one. It does for others.
As long as we are going in the right direction.
None of us are losers.
Pretty one sided for such a huge opinion.
The only problem I have is the "loser" part.
The statement could have been made without the name calling.
Just as groups may not work for one. It does for others.
As long as we are going in the right direction.
None of us are losers.
Pretty one sided for such a huge opinion.
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