I am having a hard time tonight
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 646
I am having a hard time tonight
Married 18 years, 2 kids and practically the same horribly sad story I read over and over on SR. Took me years to realize how sick I was/am...slowly waking up and getting emotionally healthy.
Well, my divorce hearing is tomorrow at 1:30 and then the divorce will be final. Fortunately there is an Alanon meeting tomorrow night. But right now I am dreading tomorrow. I am full of all sorts of feelings and keep breaking down in tears. I feel anxious, dread, grief, anticipation and excitement for my new life, shame, abandoned, betrayed and fear. Yikes...no wonder I'm a mess.
I know this is the best thing and it has to be done. I was doing OK until today, and I guess I just need to have a good cry right now. I am afraid I will cry in court in front of STBXAH and I don't want to do that. Please pray for me.
Well, my divorce hearing is tomorrow at 1:30 and then the divorce will be final. Fortunately there is an Alanon meeting tomorrow night. But right now I am dreading tomorrow. I am full of all sorts of feelings and keep breaking down in tears. I feel anxious, dread, grief, anticipation and excitement for my new life, shame, abandoned, betrayed and fear. Yikes...no wonder I'm a mess.
I know this is the best thing and it has to be done. I was doing OK until today, and I guess I just need to have a good cry right now. I am afraid I will cry in court in front of STBXAH and I don't want to do that. Please pray for me.
Can't make sense out of crazy.
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the Bluegrass, Baby!
Posts: 211
((((HUGS))))I'm sorry, this is all so terrible for all of us who have to go through this.
Will be thinking of you and sending prayers/good thoughts.
Be kind to yourself.
Will be thinking of you and sending prayers/good thoughts.
Be kind to yourself.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Thunder Bay
Posts: 186
I'm sorry you have to go through all this! Maybe if you have a good cry today, you'll feel better. Then after your good cry, soak in a hot bath, do a face mask, put cucumbers on your eyes, paint your nails, do stuff to make you feel good. Pick out your outfit and wear something that makes you feel good so you feel more confident tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
Excellent advice. Tend to the outer part of yourself, and be mindful of the inner but just get through it. It gets easier, but for me I had already cried so many tears IN the marriage that I just told myself I was cried out by that time. I didn't have to go to a hearing, though. It sounds a little scary. Picture all of us there with our arms wrapped around you tomorrow if you start feeling afraid. Good luck, sweetie 
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
I think that as each step gets closer, it becomes more real and more feelings sometimes emerge. Let yourself feel them. You will get thru the hearing. {hugs}
I'm wondering if I'll be feeling the same way next week. My hearing is next Wednesday. Of course the hearing is supposed to last all of 5 minutes so it'll be kinda anticlimatic in a way.
I'm wondering if I'll be feeling the same way next week. My hearing is next Wednesday. Of course the hearing is supposed to last all of 5 minutes so it'll be kinda anticlimatic in a way.
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
"Rainbows appear after mighty storms . . . when things look their very worst
Just when the skies are darkest grey . . . Look for the rainbow first."
I have been through two divorces and no matter what the reasons may be, there is still a loss there. . . . the loss of the original hopes and dreams you shared of spending a future together. . . the memories of when your children were born. . . so many emotions and feelings as you well know.
Like most other things in life, don't hold back your emotions. I know you don't want to break down in the courtroom, but if you let yourself feel your feelings, cry the tears you need to cry, then hopefully you'll feel stronger by morning.
I think tryingtofly has some wonderful suggestions. Pamper yourself tonight, I especially like where she said to pick out a fabulous outfit and go in there being on the top of your game.
I also think that when the proceedings are done, go do something just for you. Get your nails done, a new haircut you've been hesitant about trying, buy a new outfit, anything to celebrate the new you. I know it's scary at first. . . but you will come through this shining.
I'll keep you in my Prayers,
Judy
When Pigs Fly
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: california
Posts: 894
Hang in there sweetie, it is a long emotional road, it does get better, my daughter gave me a note with one on my favorite sayings
When fire burns a forest to the ground, everything gets a freash start
No matter how long the fire burns for you, you WILL get that fresh start.
Prayers of strength comming your way.
Kermmie
When fire burns a forest to the ground, everything gets a freash start
No matter how long the fire burns for you, you WILL get that fresh start.
Prayers of strength comming your way.
Kermmie
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 646
Oh, you all are so wonderful! Thank you for your caring support because it helped immensely. I did have a good cry..well several of them. AND I pampered myself with a hot bath etc.. and picked out a knock out outfit to wear.
STBXAH (last time I get to type that) "forgot" to return the kids from his visitation this morning. 1 hour after arrival time has past, and I call and ask where the kids are. He tells me they are at 2 different homes at sleep overs which he arranged. I ask why was I not informed since I am responsible for parenting during his work hours and was expecting them (you know the deal - A's are the only ones with lives of any importance) and he said, "Oh, jeez...big pause...I just forgot."
Let's take a vote. How many think he just forgot? Just kidding.
Thank you HP for using all these wonderful people to give me love and support last night plus all the prayers last night and today. And thank you for the wonderful reminder I why I am doing this.
I'll post later and tell you how it went. Thanks again. Karen
STBXAH (last time I get to type that) "forgot" to return the kids from his visitation this morning. 1 hour after arrival time has past, and I call and ask where the kids are. He tells me they are at 2 different homes at sleep overs which he arranged. I ask why was I not informed since I am responsible for parenting during his work hours and was expecting them (you know the deal - A's are the only ones with lives of any importance) and he said, "Oh, jeez...big pause...I just forgot."
Let's take a vote. How many think he just forgot? Just kidding.
Thank you HP for using all these wonderful people to give me love and support last night plus all the prayers last night and today. And thank you for the wonderful reminder I why I am doing this.
I'll post later and tell you how it went. Thanks again. Karen
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: looking for the sun in cold MN
Posts: 775
(((((Karen)))))
I'm on the same path- and feeling many of the same things you wrote in your first post. Today- a lot of sadness. I wish I could give you a real hug. Be strong. We are here for you!
I'm on the same path- and feeling many of the same things you wrote in your first post. Today- a lot of sadness. I wish I could give you a real hug. Be strong. We are here for you!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Thunder Bay
Posts: 186
Originally Posted by Chrysalis123 
Oh, you all are so wonderful! Thank you for your caring support because it helped immensely. I did have a good cry..well several of them. AND I pampered myself with a hot bath etc.. and picked out a knock out outfit to wear.
We're all thinking of you! Good luck! :ghug
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Thunder Bay
Posts: 186
I guess you can look at this as a dress rehersal Now you know all the feelings that are going to creep up the night before and you'll be ready to deal with them.
I know how hard it is when court stuff gets rescheduled - you finally get yourself ready to deal and then something happens and you've got to do it all over again!
Now you know all the feelings that are going to creep up the night before and you'll be ready to deal with them.I know how hard it is when court stuff gets rescheduled - you finally get yourself ready to deal and then something happens and you've got to do it all over again!
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