fallingdown

I'm not kidding, I just want to disappear. I can't drink my problems away anymore so I just want to fall off the face of the earth. And really, compared to a lot of other folks, my problems are really not that big a deal. But in my mind they become larger than life itself overshadowing the good and making me incredibly irritable and depressed. I know booze won't help, but what will?

tennis71

For me drinking was running away. I definitely feel for you falling. I would suggest keeping your chin up, break your problems down into manageable pieces and try not to get overwhelmed.

Thanks for the post.

Anna

Hi Fallingdown,

Oh, I used to feel exactly the way you are feeling right now.

I couldn't imagine how I could get through an evening with myself, without alcohol.

I knew that I was losing everything in life that mattered to me and I had to take that leap of faith. When I took that leap of faith, I let go of all my preconceptions of myself and my life. What I was left with was the core of myself and my job was to begin to like and to love myself.

Aysha

I felt the exact same way just 3 days ago.
I thought I was doomed.
I just wanted to be gone too. Any way possible.
I had lost all hope and desire to live or even try and make an effort to do anything.
The past 2 days I have been like so positive and happier than I have felt in a very long time.
I dont know how or why. But it feels great.
SOmetimes I guess when you feel at your lowest the only direction is up.
It will pass.
Drinking wont help.You will just be chasing your tail and feeling this over and over.
Get some help. Find soemone to talk to.
Just sit somewhere peaceful that you enjoy and soak in the surroundings and really think about things.
I hope you feel better.

adore79

Hi,

I try not to do what I used to do, which was to let all the small problems build up and overwhelm me. I try to tackle each one individually.

Also, my therapist taught me to look at all the things I do as goals to be accomplished. From getting out of bed in the morning, to brushing my teeth, everything is a goal and I pat myself on the back each time I accomplish one. This starts up a positive thought process in the mind, each time you accomplish a "goal" you feel a little better, giving you more energy to tackle the next one, and so on. As opposed to negative processes, such as drinking, then feeling depressed about drinking, then drinking because you are depressed, etc...

tommyk

Attend meetings so you can meet & talk with more people just like you.

Worked for me, I'm still alive.

fallingdown

THANK YOU friends. The other day I drove over two hundred miles to meet up with my very best girlfriend. We used to love to get drunk together. She too has decided to stop drinking. So we stayed up until 2 in the morning just having girl talk about everything under the sun. I felt a much needed renewal of spirit. And then as soon as I got home, BOOM, work pressures, husband pressures, financial pressures, it just all hit at once and those negative thoughts came back again. I feel like I am fighting for my very soul. My husband is almost threatening to divorce me unless I go back out and get a REAL JOB (in other words, one that pays a lot more money) but when I had those jobs I was miserable and once I took the plunge and started doing something I enjoyed the urge to drink was greatly diminished. My boss has been a pain this week but that's just normal stuff. I feel incapable of making decisions or vocalizing what it is that's bothering me. However, I shall take a deep breath and tackle them one at a time. By sitting here obsessing and doing nothing I guess I am just digging myself into a deeper hole.

Bless you all, seriously, you're the finest group of people to be found in cyberspace.

tommyk

Yeah, try not to be alone, good idea.

Klynn33

Falling Down,
it's great that you have someone you could spend some time with and help you out. I know all about pressures returning, and old habits wanting to creap back up. (stupid habits) I haven't quite figured out to deal with that part of it yet - maybe we could figure it out together.

(they keep telling me there's no secret to recovery, but I'm not convinced..and am still searching)

fallingdown

Klynn I know what you mean, I think for one we just need to keep sharing what we're going through which is why I love SR so much. The thing is, I'm so down that DRINKING doesn't even sound like fun, nothing does. I'm just a big blob of BLAH. But upon the advice of my friends here I did address one big problem that I have been keeping on the back burner so we'll see how that turns out. Just one day at a time I guess. I wish you all the luck in the world on your quest for sobriety.

least

I too want to run away, never to return to this life. I know it wouldn't solve anything but just haven't the strength to handle all these things. I know that drinking (and running away) won't solve anything, but still I want to just disappear. We can get thru this together.:praying

fallingdown

God bless you Least, no matter what you're going through you're always here with a kind word for anyone struggling with this madness. I guess I expected all stress and personality defects to disappear with the drinking habit. And while I feel and look better physically, I am still a mess inside. I'm either always on the verge of tears or ready to throw myself on the floor and start kicking and screaming like a two year old. I think all we can do is pray my friend. I'll pray for you and if you could please pray for me.

least

Yeah, I was hoping my depression and anxiety would go away when I stopped drinking, instead I'm all the more aware of it. I'm still breathing tho so I guess that's something.

I will pray for you that you find peace.:ghug3

LibertyorDeath

Dear God, Please bless the poster I know as "fallingdown". Please raise his/her spirits. Please let this "down" be short lived. Above all, please help Your child stay sober today and always.

coming_clean

trying to fix them...

fallingdown

Thank you Liberty or Death, thank you so very much. I'm a girl btw. :o)


Comingclean:

Errr...I'm really not trying to be a smart aleck here but see the deal is, some of us who have chosen to drown our problems in alcohol for decades sometimes have a hard time knowing how to "fix" them, which is why we come to places like SR. Just for a little encouragment, support, advice, etc. I wish I knew how to fix them but I am missing some items from my toolbox right now. And even if I had them I might not know how to use them, but I am learning.

four812

thanks for sharing. i relate to these feelings of wanting to run away. it is a theme of my whole life. and my vehicle for the trip has been alcohol and drugs.

so NOW i am practicing and learning how to use my own legs. and instead of turning away from the pain, i am letting it simply exist in me, more and more, without trying to change it. Sometimes it is harder than other times and sometimes I fail and grab on to other things (like food for example).

It is helping me to focus on the physical pain that often comes with the mental anguish I want to run from. like a not in my gut or heart or throat. I'm noticing it quicker and when it occurs I'm trying to slow down and breathe through the pain....not trying to make it any more or any less painful. Just observing the pain as I move through the moment and the day.

These ideas came to me not out of my own thinking, but through YOGA and also through listening and reading "thic nhat hanh", a vietnamese monk/author/speaker.

Klynn33

((Falling down))
and besides, you can't run away. Then I would have to go and look for you. And I'm too busy.

Impurrfect

I had to laugh when you talked about throwing a fit like a 2-year-old...been there, done that! When I first got clean, I was furious...that I couldn't get high, that I had caused all these problems, and that I couldn't "fix" everything very easily.

For me, I had to break everything down into small steps. If I looked at the big picture (huge debts, career pretty much over, and financial - well, that was the worst) I got overwhelmed. So I would figure out exactly what neede the most attention, right then, and what I could do about it. I had a ton of bills, but I paid the most important (car, gas for the car, insurance, etc.) When collection agencies started calling, I told them they were on a long list of people wanting money, and this is what I could afford...so far they are all working with me and one even dropped the amount I owe.

Yes, I'll still be dealing with these darn consequences for a while. I figure I may be out of debt by the time I'm 90 and may be able to afford a nice nursing home.

I felt like running away, today, just like you said. But, I had to go back to my basics...what can I do today? If I get stuck worrying about something, I give myself 30 minutes to have a "pity party" and then it's over. Took a little while to realize I COULD stop worrying about things, but it works.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

SoBearish

Man I feel you Fallingdown.

Just drop everything, reneg on every responsibility, walk out the door. It sounds so tempting but then where would we go?

I would probably become that rum soaked guy on the beach, dressed in a dirty sarong, scaring all the tourists.

Sending you a little strength - Take it one step at a time.