BBD

But this time it will be different. If you all can remember~ my son went through rehab last summer and for a while was doing wonderfully. I just recently found out he is back on cocaine. He's selling everything worthwhile to him to get money and we know where thats going. I talked to him last Sat. and he said things were fine. Bolonga!!!!!! Then by Sunday night I was getting calls telling me what he was up too. I'm so thankful I have been going to therapy and have alanon behind me. This time I won't be running to his rescue at all. As a matter of fact I remember Laurie (from here)) telling me that her parents cut her out of their lives for a while. Thats exactly where we are but this will be so hard. Chris has to face his consequences~~ hit bottom AGAIN~~~ and hopefully get help!! I'm just busy here praying. He did take some things from a fellow he has been living with so its a matter of time here to see if the friend presses charges. The friend is afraid that Duey and I will get mad at him but I'm not so sure I would be... This cocaine thing has got to stop or Chris isn't going to be around for long. Breaks my heart!! PLEASE pray for me that I can be strong and have no contact with him. My hubby is better at this than I am. I am so sad and at the same time so angry. After 6 weeks of rehab~~~ and 6 months clean~to throw it all away... Smiles, Bonnie

caileesnana

As a mother it is painful. Someone told me that the longer I enabled my daughter I was helping to kill her...could I live with that???

I thought long and hard and each time I started to "help" her, I was able to stop.

Not easy, but worth thinking about.

prayers,
susan

Ann

I'm sorry for your son, it can be a long journey for them sometimes.

But it sounds like your journey is getting better. Learning to detach with love was hard for me too, I was so afraid to let go and thought that I could "protect" him into recovery but found instead this meant I got to walk into hell with him as we both got dragged down.

My prayers go out for your son. Having had a good taste of sobriety, my thoughts are that he may not me long getting back to a better path.

Hugs

peaceteach

I also remember Caileesnana's reference to "killing them with our help". It is a two-fold win for you, BBD, if you remain no contact, both for Chris's acceptance of his addiction and for your recovery and serenity. Hang tough, girl, and if you find yourself spending too much "thought time" on your son perhaps you can be constructive and make him a list of contact numbers for free rehab help and support. My prayers go out to you that you may find peace today and enjoy your summer with your husband.

laurie6781

Bonnie my prayers are with you.

That, my dear, is what addicts do. There may be a few more 'rehab attempts' for manipulation purposes, but the the time will come when your son finally says ENOUGH.

As for you, of course it is hard. Mom said it was the hardest thing she ever had to do in her life, but she knew (and she never went to Alanon) that they could no longer help me in any way, that if they were to help me, even with a meal, that would be prolonging my addiction.

Yes, it took me 2 1/2 years, I am ONE STUBBORN COOKIE, rofl but it was what I needed to get an APPRECIATION for RECOVERY that I would not have had otherwise.

Lean on your hubby. Lean on your Alanon friends, and LEAN on us. We will walk with you, we do care very much.

Love and hugs,

MsPINKAcres

((BBD))

Remember, he may be back on the rollercoaster, but my friend, you do not even have to enter the amusement park.

"When our loved ones are at their worst, we need to be at our best" is what a counselor from a rehab told a good friend of mine. So if you can cover yourself with lots of recovery - read some literature, reach out for support, eat a good meal, rest, attend meetings (if you attend f2f meetings) prayer & meditation, and remember you are not alone in this.

HUGS,
Rita

grateful2b

((((Bonnie)))) , I am so sorry Chris has gone back out...
but I am glad that you are stronger and better equipped to handle this with your bag of Al-anon tools...
my prayers and hugs for you and your family and hopes that he finds the strength to get back to recovery.
stay strong...

Bernadette

(((BBD)))
:praying for YOUR continued strength in recovery and for your son's health....
B.

cmc

BBD, I can't add to the wonderful replies but to say from one mom to another, I offer you my support.

BBD

I'm so glad there are so many moms on here like all you great women....This is going to be a hard road for me. Last year at this time I was still enabling so much and now I'm so much stronger thanks to you all and some help from my area. Chris knows how much we love him and we shared our meetings when he was living here so I know he won't call for help this time around..I'm kinda afraid that we won't hear from him for quite a while. NOT while he's in active addition. Right now he is with a girl he met in rehab. I knew this wouldn't work and they did stop seeing each other for a while....but I guess they must be using together. Where they are living is a question I have but I'm not going to try and find out. That for me is a giant step in the right direction......Thanks so much for being here. I have pretty much stopped talking to my friends about Chris.....its really painful for them seeing me in this situation so its better to just save them from all the drama..right???? Hugs and thanks, Bonnie

mooselips

(((Bonnie)))
I'm walking right beside you on this path.


For me, sometimes, I still have an enabling slip,
but I sure can hop back on my recovery wagon quicker!


hugs to you,
prayers for your son...

sleepygoat

So sorry your son relapsed and for the pain it causes you. I'm not feeling very strong myself so I'll not pretend to have wisdom I don't have. I hate this disease. i will pray for you and your son.