dor5711

My SO was released from the hospital late Saturday afternoon.....he had been in a coma and on a respirator for over a week due to a bad reaction to Welbutrin. Then they kept him there another week. So being the good person I am, I told him he could stay at my house until Monday when he could make other arrangements. Well, here it is Monday and he is still here. He is not drinking but I am still very nervous. I told him he has to make other arrangements because I cannot have him stay here. He says because he is now on anti-seizure medication, no sober house will take him. And I told him that it's not my problem. I am not comfortable with him being here and neither are my kids. So, of course, I get called the bitch, etc. I also called his brother and told him he needs to talk to him about options. He is burying his head in the sand and sleeping because he doesn't want to deal with it. And I told him that. So once again, I get smacked in the face because I try to give him a break. BTW - he has been sober for almost 4 months but the attitude is still there.

Doreen

Klynn33

Hi Doreen,
I just read your post - sounds like you're having a rough time. I wish I had some life-altering advice, but alas, all I can offer is my hope that you're doing ok and things work out for you

dor5711

Things just got a bit nasty. His brother called and gave him some truths that he didn't want to hear. So of course, I'm the bad guy but he knows he needs to be out of here tomorrow. And I hope he leaves on his own since I really don't want to call the police.

suki44883

Stick to your guns, dor! You're doing good.

i4getsm

Ummm...what's stopping you from telling him to get out of the house? It's Monday, his time is up...get out. You don't owe him an explanation or anything. I know it's hard but if you don't hold up your boundary, nobody else will. Hope he gets something figured out and finds a new place to stay. I'm pretty sure that will happen a lot sooner if you kick him out. He has no incentive to make plans when he's got your couch to hold down, kwim?

i4getsm

FWIW, give it tonight (since he's being nasty). Wake up tomorrow morning and ask him to get out. Stay away from him tonight. No fights, no talking, like no contact. I hope tomorrow goes smoothly.

dor5711

He won't leave. So if he doesn't leave on his own, I will need to call the police. We've been through this before when he was drinking. He refuses to leave so what can I do? If I finally push him through the door and lock it, he will sit in my driveway in his vehicle and the police won't do a thing. This is so definitely not the person I met almost 8 years ago.

Barbara52

The police will indeed do somethin gif you press charges. First for assualt. That is what hitting you is you know. Second fro trespassing. Unless he is on the lease/deed, you have the right to kick him out.

If he stays in your driveway, you can file a restraining order. After filing another charge of trespassing.

You can change your situation if you want to do so. Or you can play victim, saying he won't leave, saying you don't want to call the police, listening to his BS and manipulation. The choice is yours.

FormerDoormat

So you learned a valuable lesson this weekend:

Every time you invite an active alcoholic into your home, you're inviting trouble into your life. Where he goes or what becomes of him once you give him the boot is not your problem. It's his.

laurie6781

That is another lie. There are sober houses, yes in NY that will take him, if in fact he is sober. Anti-seizure medications are not considered addictive.

As the others have said, call the cops, if he sits in the driveway call the cops again for tresspassing, and then go and get a protection order that he has to stay away.

He is not sober, he is just not drinking and/or using. Obviously he is making no attempt to change anything. You and your children do not need that kind of toxic person in your lives.

We are here for you, but only you can take the actual steps.

Love and hugs,

dor5711

Thank you for all your support. I am going to work today but letting him know I want him gone when I get home. If he is not, then I will call the police. Just to make it clear, he has never hit me. However, I know he is abusing me emotionally. It is not my problem and he needs to stand on his own two feet and take responsibility.

Doreen

Barbara52

Ah, the smack in the face was not to be taken literally? Gotcha.

i4getsm

I thought the same thing too Barb.

Dor: Hope things go smoothly tonight and he'll leave on his own accord. Can you have his brother come over to help? Just want you to stay safe.

dor5711

Sorry ..... I feel like I was smacked but not literally.......
I've been on the phone with his brother most of the day. He called this morning to see what happened last night. His brother talked with my SO's counselor and they found a place for him to go....a sober house. Whether or not, he takes the help is not my problem. OF course, he left the house today without his medication or any of his clothes. IT's his way of playing the martyr. And he's at the hospital again .... why I don't know. So I once again packed up the clothes in plastic bags and they will be on the front porch if he wants to pick them up. I just wish all his stuff from the past 8 years could be gotten rid of so easily.

Thanks,
Doreen

loner1968

I bet he left all his stuff there so he could keep coming back to get this that or the other thing. BTDT!
I threw it all out on the front lawn!

dor5711

Most definitely! I've packed it all up before and I'll do it again.

i4getsm

Dor: You done good! Pack his stuff up and don't answer the door when he comes by to get it. At least he left and you didn't have to call the police. Silver lining?

dor5711

Everything is in the garage. So he doesn't have to get into the house to retrieve any of it. I just feel like he really backed me into a corner this time and I totally lashed out. Right, wrong or indifferent......I don't like being cornered.

peaceteach

Good for you, Dor. You are in charge of your own life, sister. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. I used to talk to myself in the mirror and say outloud "You are never going to live like that again, never."

abcdefg

you made the best choice you could make for safety, recovery and dignity. you hang in there. you're doing great.

i find that i don't feel comfortable using my tools in situations this intense. but i use them anyway. i still don't feel comfortable. i get to where i have to accept that i may just feel uncomfortable with the choice i need to make for myself.

that's all right. it's a feeling. it will pass. the choices you are making are grounded in clear-eyed sanity.

it sounds to me like you have much to be proud of in yourself.

abc