Seagrl7

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Well its being going on for years but being blind is one of a CoDep's problems.

She has lost all her friends (from high school and beyond)

Has gotten a DUI already

Sells herself for drugs

Calls me for food but won't work

Been kicked out of detox for having drugs thrown over fence

Been kicked out of halfway house for using

Does now own her addiction yet

So hard to turn my back and detach, its actually torture but...

Going to Nar Anon, reading your posts and praying to my God for strength, joy and remembrance that this is the only life I have too and her choices are her own.

My AD is only 19, blonde blue eyed beauty but drugs do not discriminate or smile at beauty, I only ask God to keep her safe and every time I hear or see her I know God is answering my prayer as she is still alive.

Trying to work the steps but darn its a really steep staircase.

:praying

splendra

Hey there (((((Seagrl)))))

Welcome to Sober Recovery. It sounds like you are working really hard. Hangin there and keep posting.

Which is why we do them only one at a time...

sleepygoat

Hi seagirl,
our stories are so much alike, but I'm not surprised, as I've seen the same story over and over around here. My AD: also 19, has prostituted, lived on the street, lost all friends, thrown out of detox, and I also missed it for years...

I also feel that as long as I can see her or hear her voice, there is hope, and always pray for God to keep her alive until she can "get this".

NOt everybody turns their back, and I think that can mean different things to different people. I think I have turned my back in certain areas and not in others, or I have turned my back and then changed my mind. When its your kid, its not as simple as following a nar-anon rule book. (And I don't think there actually is a nar-anon rule book!) I think I tend to find out what doesn't work for me (rather than what does) and take it from there (try to learn from my own experience). I am doing much better at 'this' than when it all started 2 years ago, but I still have days of unbearable pain. I have many days of being "OK" though, too. I have not given up on my daughter, though sometimes I say I have.

welcome and hope you find some support.

caileesnana

Hi, welcome to SR.

Another mom, AD, blue eyed blonde, who was absolutely beautiful. She has been in rehab, detox, half way, sober living, spiritual based etc. Nothing helped, but I learned i can't change her. It took me a good 2 years to finally let go, and that was only to keep me from killling myself.

I will never completely give up on her because I KNOW people can and do recover every day. I personaly know those that have. It is the hardest thing a parent can do--watch your child self destruct.

There are many of us here. Keep coming back and read the stickeys and get to know us through our old posts. You are not alone.

susan

puddinface

I know the feeling of not giving up. Mine is 21 - handsome, talented and just doesnt seem to want to give it up. I pray for him everyday and night that he see's the light. I never give up hope..

Jody Hepler

I had to distance myself emotionally from my 19 year old son - and then he moved across the country and physically distanced himself from me (about tore my heart out, but it ended up being the best thing ever - HP must have known this mother couldn't handle seeing him in his drug addicted state). For almost 20 years, I would talk to him when he called - and try to be loving, not ask questions I didn't want the answers to, when he said how great he was doing (I could tell by his voice he was "wrecked") I would just respond - that's great, your Mama just wants you to be happy.

At one point, I didn't hear from him for 18 months - and was sure he was dead. I always project negatively!

Then I'd call my sponsor and recovery friends and cry. But it did get easier. I'm an example of the program working whether or not the addict ever gets clean - and I had a good life.

He called in August on my birthday - and said he had 10 days. He is now 41 years old. And he thanked me for never giving up on him!

It's one of the hardest things I've ever done - detach with love - love him and hate the disease - but I decided that he couldn't live with me, that I wouldn't send him money (although I did send clothes for his birthday and other holidays), that I wouldn't "talk/gossip" about him with family members because they all thought I should "do something", that I wasn't flying across the country to visit him not knowing his living situation (and good thing I didn't go to see for myself!).

I learned what it really means to let go and let God. And in God's time, he is sober - and doing well. And I've seen him twice in the past 6 months. And he loves his Mama!

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler

Seagrl7

Well because I fear for my life as she hangs with such undesirable folks that I fear they would hurt me and she'd be to high to care. I've lost some close "I thought they were" friends over this which hurt me so deeply but... now I know this battle must be waged by her and I just have to move on in my life and detach with love.

Saw her Saturday got her a meal and wished her well. 3 weeks ago bought some clothes and now she is on her own as after that she got kicked out of the halfway house for using.

I tell her thank you for leading me to Nar Anon and that I'm learning to let go of her addiction and finding my soul again. I tell her the meetings are priceless and hope she will go to her own.

I pray to God to keep her safe and so far he has answered my prayer.

We all deserve lives full of joy, serenity and goodness. My AD does too but she has to find it for herself as I am trying to do for me.

mooselips

(((Seagrl7)))
You sound like you are making wonderful progress on your recovery road.

And, like you, I had a very dificult time actually believing, my son was an addict, and I was a scrupulous model of codependency for a long time.

Detachment is literally saving my life.

Faith has given me back my sanity, and happiness.



Hugs to you,