I told my story tonight...
On a tear
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
I told my story tonight...
... at an AA meeting, for the first time. I was the speaker for the Sunday night speaker's meeting.
We had a pretty full house, especially for our neck of the woods. God gave the words to tell the parts that must have mattered... though on the way home, while reflecting on what I spoke about, I realized I'd not said SO much. It must have been what needed saying.
Had some very close Alanon and double winner friends there, and their support was much needed, most especially as my daughter chose to leave after that meeting... and is not allowed to return.
She has been in full relapse for a couple three months, now. And though she talks the talk, she isn't walking the talk. She is waiting for a bed at rehab, for nearly a month now. Whether she actually makes it INTO that bed, will be up to her Higher Power. No matter what, I am calling CPS in the morning to figure out what options we have for gaining custody of her 2 babies.
For those who don't know - the babies (and up until today, their mom) have lived with us since the dad went to jail and then on to a 3-month inpatient rehab 500 miles from here. He has more issues than "only" addiction, and has never worked, I doubt he will be able to gain sole custody.
Tonight, I am sad, but I know she has gone back out because she is not done. I watched her face, she consciously chose the meth and meth-head boyfriend over those two, beautiful babies. It wasn't impulsive, she chose. That is something I cannot rationalize away, no matter how much I try.
So prayers for her quick learning and my continued strength.
I am so fortunate to have my 12-step program, and all those lovely women I've learned to love... and learned to let them love me, too.
((hugs))
We had a pretty full house, especially for our neck of the woods. God gave the words to tell the parts that must have mattered... though on the way home, while reflecting on what I spoke about, I realized I'd not said SO much. It must have been what needed saying.
Had some very close Alanon and double winner friends there, and their support was much needed, most especially as my daughter chose to leave after that meeting... and is not allowed to return.
She has been in full relapse for a couple three months, now. And though she talks the talk, she isn't walking the talk. She is waiting for a bed at rehab, for nearly a month now. Whether she actually makes it INTO that bed, will be up to her Higher Power. No matter what, I am calling CPS in the morning to figure out what options we have for gaining custody of her 2 babies.
For those who don't know - the babies (and up until today, their mom) have lived with us since the dad went to jail and then on to a 3-month inpatient rehab 500 miles from here. He has more issues than "only" addiction, and has never worked, I doubt he will be able to gain sole custody.
Tonight, I am sad, but I know she has gone back out because she is not done. I watched her face, she consciously chose the meth and meth-head boyfriend over those two, beautiful babies. It wasn't impulsive, she chose. That is something I cannot rationalize away, no matter how much I try.
So prayers for her quick learning and my continued strength.
I am so fortunate to have my 12-step program, and all those lovely women I've learned to love... and learned to let them love me, too.((hugs))
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
(((BigSis)))
My heart just hurts for you and your daughter knowing the good person inside who is lost to addiction, and she is in my prayers every day. May God lead her to a better path sometime soon.
Those babies are so blessed to have you watching over them and being the voice for the little innocents who cannot speak for themselves.
I know your recovery is strong...but I also know how this can wear us down quickly. Please take very good care of yourself through all this and know that we each are sharing your load.
Big Hugs and Lotsa Love
My heart just hurts for you and your daughter knowing the good person inside who is lost to addiction, and she is in my prayers every day. May God lead her to a better path sometime soon.
Those babies are so blessed to have you watching over them and being the voice for the little innocents who cannot speak for themselves.
I know your recovery is strong...but I also know how this can wear us down quickly. Please take very good care of yourself through all this and know that we each are sharing your load.
Big Hugs and Lotsa Love
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
(((BigSis)))
My thoughts and prayers are with you as you and your family go through this difficult time. What a difficult position you are in! And how sad it is your daughter cannot see the treasures she has given birth to...we never know what gifts we have until they are gone.
I pray you find the strength to do what you need. And that those babies thrive under your loving care.
Shalom!
My thoughts and prayers are with you as you and your family go through this difficult time. What a difficult position you are in! And how sad it is your daughter cannot see the treasures she has given birth to...we never know what gifts we have until they are gone.
I pray you find the strength to do what you need. And that those babies thrive under your loving care.
Shalom!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: homebased
Posts: 408
I am so sorry to hear about the path your daughter is on....
her children are so lucky to have a grandma watching over them
it seems recently there have been quite a few grandmas taking charge of babies
you have joined a blessed group
you and your family are in my prayers
her children are so lucky to have a grandma watching over them
it seems recently there have been quite a few grandmas taking charge of babies
you have joined a blessed group
you and your family are in my prayers
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Geez Sis...I can't tell you how much I didn't want to read this. As Ann said, take care of yourself during this difficult time.
Something that helps me when I know that AS is crossing the line, is that I now know he CAN do it, just as your daughter can. Until I witnessed it myself, I wasn't quite sure he had it in him.
Don't give up hope...you and the whole family remain in my prayers.
(((Hugs)))
Something that helps me when I know that AS is crossing the line, is that I now know he CAN do it, just as your daughter can. Until I witnessed it myself, I wasn't quite sure he had it in him.
Don't give up hope...you and the whole family remain in my prayers.
(((Hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 328
I can't imagine how hard this - but then I can, because although I haven't had the exact same situation, I've hurt over the addict's choices, or lack thereof.
Wish I was there to hear your talk. I know it was powerful.
During the really tough times, I had to focus on "HP has a plan and only He knows what will be best". And then I just did the next right thing. Which with two little ones, is lots!
Know that I care - and love and hugs are coming your way.
Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler
Wish I was there to hear your talk. I know it was powerful.
During the really tough times, I had to focus on "HP has a plan and only He knows what will be best". And then I just did the next right thing. Which with two little ones, is lots!
Know that I care - and love and hugs are coming your way.
Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
BigSis,
Gosh, I sure wish I would have been at that meeting, I bet you were terrific, and would have said that ONE thing I always hear at a meeting, that I need so badly to hear.
As for your daughter, the time is not right for her, as of yet, but, I have no doubt she will someday seek recovery. I pray for her, you, and those darling grandbabies.....
Hugs,
Gosh, I sure wish I would have been at that meeting, I bet you were terrific, and would have said that ONE thing I always hear at a meeting, that I need so badly to hear.
As for your daughter, the time is not right for her, as of yet, but, I have no doubt she will someday seek recovery. I pray for her, you, and those darling grandbabies.....
Hugs,
Professional Hanger On'er
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Way out of Town, MI
Posts: 103
Hi BigSis, i have my grandchildren and this first week has been exhausting but I have t admit I do not have any regrets. I am now aware the use of illegal substances when you are responsible for the care of your child is child endangerment. My son will not get his babies back until he is clean and responsible and if he does not do so within a year he will never get them back. If taking his children provides the kids a better environment and makes him feel he has hit his bottom, so be it! I admit to exhaustion and many, many tears but the only things we will regret in life are the things we sould have done and didn't. My best to you!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Virginia gal
Posts: 132
Another grandma here. I have two grandkids living with me. Very hard but blessed. I still cannot get my mind around a mother leaving her children for any reason. Choosing drugs and a man over children is beyond my comprehension. I know it is drugs, still I can't get it. When they put their arms around my neck nothing else matters. I too pray that God has His plan and I will have to joy to see it all turn out alright. Please just make it soon!!!
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
(((((BigSis))))) I am so sorry your daughter made this choice and I am praying she is done soon. Thank you and Mr Big for being there for those precious babies. They are surrounded by love, no doubt about that. I wish I wasn't across the country...I would love to pitch in and give you a few hours to yourself whenever possible.
I wish I could have heard you share too...I know it was powerful. I find it amazing how words just come when the story is told...Not necessarily what I thought would come out, but apparently what needed to come out.
You, your daughter and your whole family are in my prayers always. Hugs
I wish I could have heard you share too...I know it was powerful. I find it amazing how words just come when the story is told...Not necessarily what I thought would come out, but apparently what needed to come out.
You, your daughter and your whole family are in my prayers always. Hugs
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
I to wish I could have been at your meeting tonight. You are one of the ones who has literally been at my side since day one here and has taught me oh so much.
I do not know why things happen as they do sometimes hearing the things I do on these boards is enough to make my head spin.
Ironically though today I was thinking about my Mom and the absolute thing that ever happened to her, I actually had to watch it happen. I know for years and years she never knew the answer to the 'why' of it, but it dawned on me today that through me, I think she has learned why. My point is, your right our higher powers have an amazing way of taking care of us even when we don't like it.
I do believe that, Your daughter is in the place she needs to be as it is for both of you as you are also. Thank God those babies have you.
They are loved and they know it. :ghug3
Thanks for sharing your story and hers. :ghug2
I do not know why things happen as they do sometimes hearing the things I do on these boards is enough to make my head spin.
Ironically though today I was thinking about my Mom and the absolute thing that ever happened to her, I actually had to watch it happen. I know for years and years she never knew the answer to the 'why' of it, but it dawned on me today that through me, I think she has learned why. My point is, your right our higher powers have an amazing way of taking care of us even when we don't like it.
I do believe that, Your daughter is in the place she needs to be as it is for both of you as you are also. Thank God those babies have you.
They are loved and they know it. :ghug3
Thanks for sharing your story and hers. :ghug2
On a tear
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Thank you - all of you.
Child Protective Services would prefer not to get involved ... at this point. Since the babies are fed, housed and well-cared for. They suggested we apply for 3rd party custody, and I will go down to legal aid tomorrow to find out the process. I will also try (again) to get through to DSHS regarding the possibility of foster parenting our grandkids.
Tough stuff, but today, at least, I feel strongly that God has all my kids... the 2 originals, and these 2 new ones.
((hugs)) Thanks, again.
Child Protective Services would prefer not to get involved ... at this point. Since the babies are fed, housed and well-cared for. They suggested we apply for 3rd party custody, and I will go down to legal aid tomorrow to find out the process. I will also try (again) to get through to DSHS regarding the possibility of foster parenting our grandkids.
Tough stuff, but today, at least, I feel strongly that God has all my kids... the 2 originals, and these 2 new ones.
((hugs)) Thanks, again.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 328
A step at a time - a day at a time - your HP will lead you through this - with a plan that will be better for all of you, than you ever could have imagined. And He will give you the physical strength you need too.
I've experienced this - and it is awesome.
Love in recovery,
Dottie Lou
P.S. Wading through all of that bureaucratic red tape is really crazy making!!
I've experienced this - and it is awesome.
Love in recovery,
Dottie Lou
P.S. Wading through all of that bureaucratic red tape is really crazy making!!
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