whereami

When looking over phone bills my abf is contacting this girl for whatever like 8-16 texts a day and 4-6 calls. Sometimes the texts are way early in the am...is this cheating or is it just a contact like he says?

patchoulli

Im not sure what you are asking...if he is in a relationship with you, why is he in this much contact with any girl???Keep your eyes open

CarolD

Well....
How are you and your baby to be doing?
I assume you did not return home
to get away from this situation.
I was so hoping you would.

Cheating? Drug deals?
What is your gut telling you?

Blessings and prayers for your peace

whereami

I am dads for the summer and he is supposed to come here to "start over" and get a new place... I am not sure if I should just let him walk in without rules set,,,especially if he is able to lie to me so easily

Ann

My heart and prayers go out for you, have you thought about WHY you want this person back in your life? What does he bring to the relationship and why would he need to text message anyone in the middle of the night. It sounds like life with him will be life with heartache.

I am glad you have your family to support you and help you right now. This may be a safe place and a good time to take a good look at your life and decide if this is how you want to live a year from now or five years from now.

Hugs

sailorjohn

Been there, done that. One of the things we do as codies, start to doubt our common sense and gut instincts, as CarolD mentioned. "I want it to be different this time" "Let's start over" Like they say, if nothing changes, nothing changes.

whereami

God I am so confused, he says that he will never talk to her again and that he is done with that life but I don't know...what if it happens again? Why am I so hung up on him? I can't see the forest through the trees and feel like he is the only one who will ever love me and my baby.

laurie6781

First let me say, WELCOME to SR you have found a really great place with lots of experience, strength and hope (ES&H) from those who have been or are where you are now.

Sweetie what HE SAYS is QUACKING. Let his actions be your guide. Right now you cannot believe one word that comes out of his mouth.

After he is clean, working, paying support, etc etc then would be time to think about it, right now, you need to worry and take care of you and that sweet baby.

If you can find some Naranon or Alanon meetings for you. I suggest Alanon, as many times there are lots more of those in an area than there are Naranon. You will be amazed at how much those meetings can help you and help with your thinking. Help you to SET YOUR OWN BOUNDARIES, etc.

Also, please keep posting and let us know how you are doing, we do care very much.

Love and hugs,

suki44883

Of course he's not the only one...but you'll never know if you stay where you are. Do you really want your baby to grow up in that atmosphere? There is much better out there and both you and your baby are worth it!

whereami

Well that's it he promised 3 days in a row he wouldn't contact her and it popped up again last night this is so messed up. I gave him the chance to get his act straight while I was gone. He cries everynight about how much he wants everything to work out and be great but he does this **** right behind my back...I love him so much how do I disconnect?

whereami

Is it normal for an addict to have that much contact with a person daily? That many calls, texts etc?

Jody Hepler

I got much needed information about how recovering addicts act - and how those that are using act - at Naranon and Alanon meetings. And I also went to speaker meetings at NA and AA. That's where I really learned about recovery.

Your HP wants a good life for you and your baby, whether or not the addict ever gets clean. And there are lots of folks to support you.

I had to learn to focus on me - and how crazy I got from living with addicts - they were using and I was the one making bad decisions.

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler

Bernadette

Hi wherami--
Is it normal for an addict to have that much contact with a person daily? That many calls, texts etc?

Well "normal for an addict" varies from day to day - whatever serves their addiction best on any given day is normal for THEM.

That's why they will say whatever it takes to to keep us believing their quacking - it serves two purposes usually:

1. It reinforces their denial--oh she still loves me, I'm not so bad that I need to stop - Oh she believes me, there must be some truth in what I'm saying.

2. It maintains the situation - if today he tells you something and you believe him and so nothing changes then - great for him - nothing changes - he can still use and still call dealers or mistresses or whatever he wants to do - and still have you in his life because nothing has changed.

Talk does not count. Turn the volume down and just watch his actions - his actions and behavior tell you everything you need to know!!

I bet you and your baby are very lovable human beings!!
Don't think for a minute there is no one out there to love you and your baby...YOU can love you and your baby and find serenity and a joyful, full, and satisfying life if you so choose.

Peace,
B.

whereami

I tried to talk to him and it just seems like bs ...how will I know if he is sober when he comes down. It is so hard for me to be away from him, I almost freaked to death when he ignored my calls, what can I do about my addiction to him?

Jody Hepler

Addicts are addicted to drugs - and I was addicted to the addict. And I got really sick from my addiction, just like they did.

I found my help in 12 step programs. Give it a try. Plus the CoDependent No More book - by Melodie Beatty. I saw myself in every page!

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler