lesa

I meet him In WI and thought he was like my first hubby ,nice and sweet...He treated me so good and did for me...Then we moved to Chicago ..We ate then he said he did not fell good was going for a walk and I Know due to I was ill as well...i came home form going to store and walked in the bathroom and there he was with his crack pipe..I never knew ..then what everyone told me about him selling his car..I knew the truth then ,,,did not know what this drug was .yet it came out..tyred to leave could not ..he was paranoid and I sat in a chair scared to move...Then it was beening homeless and all.he brought me down with him...some one ask me once who was i and what did I like...my answer was i just do not know anymore ,who Iam ..I knew along ago ..not now....He never stayed clean long...15 mos was the longest from it and yet he still drinks....I am so angry and so much hate and resent him so much ...I miss who I was long ago .we have beening together 8 years ...we fight alto ..he just so selfish ,everything is about him...I know people like him are l i ke that ...Iam told...the lies and things I do not believe anything he says anymore...his drugs mean more then i do he would choose every time..till he is done..you k n ow then the lies how he loves me and that stuff...It sad to be in a relationship and to be so alone...I cannot say how I fell about him anymore...he is killing everything I feel about him...sorry so long

NeedingHelp7

Welcome Lesa,

I'm so sorry for what has happened to you. You don't deserve that mess.

I don't like seeing what has happened to you. I can tell you are a loving caring person, but living with an addict will make you miserable. I hope you can somehow get away from him, possibly a shelter, anywhere but with him.

Sweetie, You deserve so much more.

I'm so glad you are here at SR.

NH7

Ann

Lesa, my prayers go out that you find a way to break free of this sad and dangerous relationship.

You say you don't know who you are anymore, or what your dreams are. Well, I see a bright young lady who can make her future anything she wants it to be, a courageous person worthy of so much better than all this,

There is help out there, Lesa, women's shelters, womens' hot lines that can link you to other help, and safe places where you can be protected if you feel in danger. All you have to do is reach out.

And we're here to walk with you and share our light until you can find yours.

Hugs

Bernadette

(((hugs))) to you Lesa-

You wrote:
...his drugs mean more then i do he would choose every time.
And you are right, beccause that is what addiction does to a person. But you must never take that personally!! His addicted mind will always choose the drugs over everything (including obviously himself!!).

He is not rationally thinking - Do drugs vs. Love Lesa

He is only ever thinking - Do drugs vs. Agony & death

and so he "chooses" drugs.

Does not mean you are not lovable, worthy, or anything like that! In fact you sound like a very sweet, gentle and loving soul!!!

Can you find some local help? Ann's advice is solid - maybe seek out women's shelters/ women's hotlines. If you ask for help they can help you find resources and counseling.

Small steps can still take you places! Sending you a prayer for courage Lesa!
:praying
Peace,
B.

Jody Hepler

I am so sorry - I know there is a very special plan for your life, and this isn't it! It takes courage to make some tough changes - I've been there - I was told to "just do it scared".

I am so glad you reached out to us - and hope you can make a phone call to a woman's shelter or hot line number. There is help for you.

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler

rozied

I am so sorry you are suffering like this. Noone can live with an addict and be happy. Unfortunately there is absolutely nothing you can do to help him. All you can do is save yourself.
I was once where you are but his DOC was gambling. I stayed on & off for 10yrs, divorced him, then remarried him before I finally ended it for good. I thought I could never love anyone the way I loved him but by the time I got out I knew love is NOT enough. I had 2 sons with him. After I ended it I went back to college & spent the next 10yrs raising my 2 sons alone. Then I met & married Jim. I was oh so wrong about never loving another. I love Jim more & more with each passing day. We will be married 24 yrs this Nov & it only gets better & better.
After 25+ yrs my ex called. He is now clean & sober. He went from gambling to drugs & only got clean when he was 58 yrs old. He is now 63. If I had stayed I would have been miserable for many yrs. I have absolutely no regrets & thank my God I left him when I did.
Wishing you the best, believe me, you deserve it!!!
Love,
Diane