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My name is Jodie and I am new here. My father is an alcoholic and my mother is one of those people who blame everyone else for his behavior saying that we allow it and if we would just leave him alone he would change.
So needless to say this weekend was a total disaster being the fact that it was a holiday and those are dads worse days, it is like he loves to ruin everyones holidays. So my mother calls me and more or less ask me to disown her and my father saying I can no longer come to their house and that I am a bad mother for bringing my daughter around when I know how my father is. I was so blown away even though she was also drunk at the time and I know that she doesn't mean what she says, I am still trying to come to terms with this request. I know it is the best thing that I can do for my daughter for I do not want her to grow up thinking that my mother and father's behavior is normal like I did and to some point still do. It's amazing how an alcoholic can affect you without even realizing the pain they are causing.
I look forward to getting to know everyone and sorry for rambling I am so glad I have finally found a place where people understand and don't think boy your family's messed up.
So needless to say this weekend was a total disaster being the fact that it was a holiday and those are dads worse days, it is like he loves to ruin everyones holidays. So my mother calls me and more or less ask me to disown her and my father saying I can no longer come to their house and that I am a bad mother for bringing my daughter around when I know how my father is. I was so blown away even though she was also drunk at the time and I know that she doesn't mean what she says, I am still trying to come to terms with this request. I know it is the best thing that I can do for my daughter for I do not want her to grow up thinking that my mother and father's behavior is normal like I did and to some point still do. It's amazing how an alcoholic can affect you without even realizing the pain they are causing.
I look forward to getting to know everyone and sorry for rambling I am so glad I have finally found a place where people understand and don't think boy your family's messed up.
I used to work here ;)
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :)
Posts: 2,024
Hey Jodie and welcome to the forums.
People will definitely understand here. My hubby is the alcoholic in my life.
I would suggest you make yourself at home, browse the posts especially the power posts at the top of the anon forums. I am sure others will be along to welcome you also.
Hope you stick around
Many hugs,
Debbie
People will definitely understand here. My hubby is the alcoholic in my life.
I would suggest you make yourself at home, browse the posts especially the power posts at the top of the anon forums. I am sure others will be along to welcome you also.
Hope you stick around
Many hugs,
Debbie
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Ashland, KY
Posts: 12
Welcome. I think I have discovered that all families are messed up in their own ways.
It sounds as if your mother is an enabler. I don't think that you can sheild your daughter from the fact that her grandfather is an alcoholic. You shouldn't. You can definitely not take her around when you know what the situation will be, but children are wise. Maybe you could just discuss this with her. It may actually help her to make better decisions when the time comes.
I am sorry that you have to celebrate ruined holidays with an alcoholic, but I am glad you have found us. We have all had our share of holiday disasters.
It sounds as if your mother is an enabler. I don't think that you can sheild your daughter from the fact that her grandfather is an alcoholic. You shouldn't. You can definitely not take her around when you know what the situation will be, but children are wise. Maybe you could just discuss this with her. It may actually help her to make better decisions when the time comes.
I am sorry that you have to celebrate ruined holidays with an alcoholic, but I am glad you have found us. We have all had our share of holiday disasters.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Welcome,
My Dad and my hubby are the A's in my life and I have had MANY holidays that were disasters! You have come to the right place to start helping yourself and your daughter. I have to agree with tiredandbusymom about children being wise. They KNOW a lot more than we give them credit for.
Hiding the problem is definately not the answer, but being around when things are bad isn't good either. I second the motion to talk to you mom (when she hasn't been drinking) and try to work things out with her.
I have talked with my Dad and he is aware that drinking and partying around my children is not OK......I declined an invitation to take my children to a 4th cook out with him for that very reason. It may or may not have been a bad situation, but holidays seem to push them over the edge.....so we're going next weekend instead.
Now that I have bent your ear.......we are glad your here!
Constant
My Dad and my hubby are the A's in my life and I have had MANY holidays that were disasters! You have come to the right place to start helping yourself and your daughter. I have to agree with tiredandbusymom about children being wise. They KNOW a lot more than we give them credit for.
Hiding the problem is definately not the answer, but being around when things are bad isn't good either. I second the motion to talk to you mom (when she hasn't been drinking) and try to work things out with her.
I have talked with my Dad and he is aware that drinking and partying around my children is not OK......I declined an invitation to take my children to a 4th cook out with him for that very reason. It may or may not have been a bad situation, but holidays seem to push them over the edge.....so we're going next weekend instead.
Now that I have bent your ear.......we are glad your here!
Constant
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 407
Welcome Jodie -
You found a great place to share your feelings and hear some really good advice. A visit to this site never fails to make me feel better. What is a "normal" family? Whether there is addiction in a family or not - all families can be a little wierd!!!!!! Glad you are here with us.
Jo
You found a great place to share your feelings and hear some really good advice. A visit to this site never fails to make me feel better. What is a "normal" family? Whether there is addiction in a family or not - all families can be a little wierd!!!!!! Glad you are here with us.
Jo
Paused
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: ohio
Posts: 322
Hello Jodie
let me also welcome you !
I grew up with alcohol all around me
and it all seemed quite normal, how
would you know any other way?
until last year when my daughter's alcohol consumption
became quite huge, I didnt know anyone could drink like
that ! My oldest son also abused, so trying hard to make
everyone "well" again I hit my own bottom and found the
rooms of alanon, it has saved my sanity.
Between meetings I come here and share the fellowship
we have.
I hope things can work out with your family but remember to
take care of yourself first. Your Dad is not drinking to ruin everyones
holiday, he drinks because he is an alcoholic, none of which is
your fault.
Hugs
liddy
let me also welcome you !
I grew up with alcohol all around me
and it all seemed quite normal, how
would you know any other way?
until last year when my daughter's alcohol consumption
became quite huge, I didnt know anyone could drink like
that ! My oldest son also abused, so trying hard to make
everyone "well" again I hit my own bottom and found the
rooms of alanon, it has saved my sanity.
Between meetings I come here and share the fellowship
we have.
I hope things can work out with your family but remember to
take care of yourself first. Your Dad is not drinking to ruin everyones
holiday, he drinks because he is an alcoholic, none of which is
your fault.
Hugs
liddy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec
Posts: 803
Depending on how old your daughter is I think it would be a great idea to talk to her about it. And I also think it would be great to take your mother up on her request not to go over. If people aren't coming around it puts a different slant on things for the alcoholic. It puts their behaviour more in their lap.
(I like how she twisted it back on you by the way by saying YOU are a bad mother for taking your daughter to their house when THEY are behaving badly).
Ngaire
(I like how she twisted it back on you by the way by saying YOU are a bad mother for taking your daughter to their house when THEY are behaving badly).
Ngaire
Member
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: North Vancouver, British Columbia
Posts: 1,714
Hi Jodie - just adding my welcome too. This is a great place for support and we're happy that you found your way here. As Debbie said, take a look at the Power Posts at the top of the forum - lots of good stuff for the newcomer.
Your mom's words must be very hurtful, but she is sick too and as much of a contibutor to the problem as your dad. The most important thing is that you don't allow their sickness to make your life unmanagable. You may want to take a look at the Adult Children of Alcoholics forum as well - another great source of support.
Welcome again!
Your mom's words must be very hurtful, but she is sick too and as much of a contibutor to the problem as your dad. The most important thing is that you don't allow their sickness to make your life unmanagable. You may want to take a look at the Adult Children of Alcoholics forum as well - another great source of support.
Welcome again!
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