JJ43

I have been trying to quit drinking for months. I go three days and then I create an excuse to drink. I can't take it anymore. I am a mother of two great kids, both teenagers. My oldest son (17) told me recently that he is drinking with his friends. I asked him a few times and he finally admitted it. On Saturday he came home from a graduation party drunk! He said he always has a DD and he never drinks during the week. He also said that he used to smoke pot but quit because his girlfriend thought he was doing it too much. I decided I really needed to quit. Well, two days ago I got upset with my ex-husband and my boyfriend. I called my friend, she said she would meet for lunch. We had two wines with lunch. Then went to our favorite place, I had two more, she had three. In the mean time her husband was pissed. We then went and did a good deed, I drove, thinking I was fine. Compared to her I was. After about 1 1/2 hours we decided to continue drinking and get something to eat. My food was too spicy so I didn't eat much. Had been in touch with my oldest son who lives full-time with me. After two more glasses of wine I called my boyfriend and asked for a ride, thank God! He brought me home where I proceeded to humiliate myself in front of my son who had been calling wondering where I was. I said to him exactly what he said to me, "Hey Zach, I'm drunk but it's ok, I didn't drive and I am home safe no worries blah, blah, blah! The next morning he bearly spoke to me. I said I was sorry and that I am going to quit drinking. I said that when I am stressed I drink but that now it is affecting every part of my life and I need to quit. He said it was ok, I said no it is not ok for either one of us to come home drunk. How could I be mad at him for doing to me what I have done to him a million times. The shame, guilt and depression have become unbearable. I am terrified because I can only quit for a few days and then a go on a bender and drink more than usual. I hate what I have done to my kids when they know I have gotten out of control. My dad was a full blown alcoholic and my mom is currently a heavy drinker. I don't want to be that kind of parent. I need support and help.

Anna

Hi JJ and Welcome,

I, too would get stuck at the three-day point and be unable to get past that for a long time. It's such a vicious cycle - drinking, feeling awful, the shame, drinking again to relieve the guilt.

You have come to a great place to find support and information, so keep posting.

Taking5

JJ,

You're at the right place, there is lots of support here. Have you considered AA? The meetings are nothing at all like what you have probably seen on TV, there is a lot of love and support in there.

ANGELINA243

Welcome to SR! Glad you are here!

least

I failed and am starting over, with today. just for today I will not drink. There is much strength and hope here. Keep coming back.:ghug2

Hevyn

Hi and welcome to the place that saved my life starting 10 mos. ago. I was still drinking when I got here - didn't really think I'd be quitting, just was curious. What I found was an amazing group of wise & encouraging people. There's almost nothing I wouldn't feel free to come here and share - that's such a burden lifted from me. No one else in my life truly understands what I've been through. SO, please stay and let us help you on your journey. I tried for decades to control my drinking. It didn't work, and resulted in DUI's, lost relationships, health problems. Welcome to SR JJ! (Is Roundup anywhere near you? I have some good friends there....)

ThisIsTheDay

Welcome JJ43, These were the signs that made me have a long talk with myself in the mirror! The longer I drank over time and the more I tried to moderate it is when my drinking went to a new level as if I was making up for the down time and started mixing drinks & the ugly 3 day benders which marked my day drinking and not eating. As food just ruiened the buzz LOL! You are lucky seek help at this time, it only gets worse. My 24 year old son is gone and lives in another state which is good as he has not wittnessed the last 4 years of my drinking. All I can say is, just do it now!

Astro

JJ, welcome to SR! There are no failures around here, I've been in AA for a few years and still haven't come across any losers, assuming we stay clean and sober. There are only winners in recovery!

Keep reading and you'll get to know plenty of parents on this site who've been blessed with a life beyond their wildest dreams. So many of us find help and hope here. There are single parents as well as couples who've stood the test of time and have a new life in recovery.

I hope you find what you need here, and put together a plan for your recovery.

JJ43

Thanks so much, I cannot believe how good it feels to know I am not alone! I just went for a walk and it is 7:15 at night. I don't remember the last time that happened because by 5 I usually have a glass of wine in my hand until I go to bed. I have a wine glass full of raspberry lemonade! Hey, what can I say, the glass can even be a comfort. It will have to do for now. I feel so much better and it has only been 2 days. And to the person that asked about Roundup, I don't know where that is but I will look it up! Thanks again, JJ.:ghug

CarolD

Hi and good to see you here with us.