Bernadette

Okay everybody---
We're halfway there!

Let's walk and meditate on: Forgiveness.

Some words on forgiveness:

From the dictionary-
Forgiveness: the process of ceasing to feel resentment, indignation or anger against another person for a perceived offense, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.

From The Mayo Clinic-
Forgiveness is the act of untying yourself from thoughts and feelings that bind you to an offense committed against you. This can reduce the power these feelings otherwise have over you, so that you can a live freer and happier life in the present.

Forgiving isn't the same as forgetting what happened to you. The act that hurt or offended you may always remain a part of your life. But forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness also doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act.

Looking forward to hearing other's experiences with forgiveness.

What is it?
How do you do it?
Is it hardest to forgive yourself?


"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you."—Unknown

"Resentment is like a glass of poison that a man drinks; then he sits down and waits for his enemy to die."—Unknown

"Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don't worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time—just like it does for you and me." --Sara Paddison

Forgiveness is the answer to the child's dream of a miracle by which what is broken is made whole again, what is soiled is made clean again. --Dag Hammarskjold

Happy Trails,
B.

GiveLove

I am still working on forgiving myself for staying in painful situations with alcoholics for so long. I know it's not right. I know I was afraid, and was masking my fear under layers and layers of so-called "love." All the abuse I suffered, and all the years it took to recover from it......I still have that issue, and I could feel it as my shoes did their drumbeat today. I wonder if I'll ever forgive me?

LaTeeDa

Lots of things resonating with me today. I just wrote in my journal some very interesting stuff. I grew up resenting others who had what I didn't. Not so much material things, but love, affection, compassion. Because I resented it so much, I convinced myself that I didn't need those things. That I was somehow "better" because I could survive without those things. And that made me feel superior and thus good about myself rather than unlovable.

So now, I have a really hard time giving those things to myself/inner child. There is this fear that if I get love/affection/compassion, I'm like those "others" that I resented. And then I lose my superiority and therefore my self worth.

Circular logic if there ever was such a thing! By giving myself so badly what I wanted and needed as a child, I diminish myself. Ooooooy.

Still have a lot of work to do.....................

L

Rella927

Ok LaTeeDa were you looking in my journal?

I just cried when I read your post! That was me! My parents did the best they could however.....we had material things and lots of them more than any kid could imagine between the clothes, the big homes, nice cars the finest of everything but, we did not have the most important thing which was affection, love, compassion, except from my A father who left us a young age.

Today I have learned that I do deserve these things...and still a work in progress of allowing myself to have these in my life. I still find sometimes today that resenting rearing its ugly head but, being aware of this is what recovery has shown today which I'm grateful for!

Thank you LaTee!

And Bernadette I will be doing a lot of thinking on my walk tomorrow!

"Progress not perfection"

Bernadette

Wow heavy stuff everybody.

Forgiveness seems to be one of those concepts/actions that brings up some deep issues when we contemplate it.

I have a hard time forgiving myself for harsh word I've spoken in the past.
And also a hard time, like GiveLove, forgiving myself for past foolish decisions and tolerating unacceptable behavior/crap from people for tooooooooooo long!

I still don't know HOW to forgive myself. I get to a place of acceptance and sort of detaching from these issues by thinking, well the past is past....but I never feel like I have forgiven myself...still don't know how?

I do know that it took me a helluva long time to forgive my ex-H. I held onto that resentment I had for a long time. I polished it and shaped it and held it so tight in my soul. After maybe 6 years (see - that's a thing I find hard to forgive myself for!!!) I just kind of had enough of it - and I had come to place of true honest acceptance for what went down in the marriage on both our parts and I had the thought in my mind of forgiving him. Very clearly. And I did feel differently after that....

So I know things take their due time - and I know we cannot rush anything as authentic as true forgiveness....but aren't there any ways to speed the transaction along a weeeeee bit?

It was a peaceful thing to think about while walking for me. It didn't bring up anxiety - in fact it made me look at the world a little more humbly and compassionately.

Peace,
B.

Lilyflower

Do you think it is possible to be too forgiving?

I have difficulty holding onto resentment or anger toward people especially my exabf.

In the past my family members have almost been angry at me for not feeling resentful and angry toward him for what he done ''to me''. Asking me how I can still talk with him or how I could stil have feelings toward him, why aren't I more bitter etc. I feel that I have forgiven the issue and so why go on about how I was wronged?

When I look back on my relationship with him, I don't feel anger at all. I have felt sad that it ended but I know deep down that I gave it all I could, and I couldn't do anymore.

I don't like feeling anger, I usually turn it into sadness quite quickly and end up feeling low for quite sometime after a disagreement with anyone. Maybe I need to feel more anger than what I do? I am aware that it is a process and that perhaps I am turning it into myself? About three weeks ago I had a falling out with my dad, and I was really upset afterwards. I felt very low and couldn't stop crying. It really took me at least an hour until I felt my mood pick up again.

I think for me, I am in danger of not processing my anger and just jumping straight into other emotions instead. So forgiveness doesn't seem to be an issue because I rarely harbour any ill will when I am done wrong by.

Hmmm. This has got me thinking! Thanks B!

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Barbara52

No. Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting or taking away consequences. For me forgiving means I can let go of the pain (what ever form it takes) that I feel and can move on to deal with the situation. I forgave my AH for all the many ways his actions and lack of actions, his words and lack of words affected me in a negative manner. But I remember them and I still enforce the consequences that resulted.