Chris1971

Funny thing. I'm still new to these boards, about 2 weeks now. And even though I had a couple bad nights in the beginning, I really thought I had been getting the hang of sobriety. To the point where this morning I was bouncing off the walls at how much energy I had. I actually wrote a post that I deleted just before hitting send all about positive thinking and all. Then this afternoon happenned.

I know I'm being vague with details, but this is what went down this afternoon. I had a meeting with the G.M. of a public venue that I had approached a month ago about space. A month ago I had this same meeting asking to be able to have it for free, with a portion of the proceeds going to charity, I was shot down. No big deal, but I was led to believe that I would get a good break, so I was happy. I thought that if the rent was 5 grand, I would be thrilled, 7500, was ok, and 10 grand was my limit. The figure I got was 20 grand, and I was told to build in another 5 for "extras" The actual break I was getting was about the value of Bic Mac. I didn't blow up, but man did I bite my tongue.

Then to top it off,a few hours later, someone who I'm forced to do business with tried to take me for a few hundred bucks. It wasn't the money, even if I could use it. It was the principal. That's when I went off. I said alot of things knowing full well they wouldn't be heard. I'll get the money back, but people with no backbone or morals drive me mad.

So what does that have to do with SR? Well this morning I was just so happy to be here reading, and wanting to post positive experiences. I thought I was cured and that nothing would make me go back. I had replaced drinking with working out, and was doing a good job. Now that I think about it, the endorphine rush from all the exercise was probably fuelling my mood this morning. But after dealing with the second idiot of the day, I bought a bottle of whiskey, I thought I needed to calm down. But when I got home, looking at the bottle only made me more upset that I would crack that easily, so I just poured it down the drain. I thought about taking it back for a refund, but felt that losing that money should be a consequence breaking down. And to think that this morning, I was thinking it is just that easy to quit.

Anyways, thanks for letting me vent. Writing it out is very theraputic for me, and I allready feel better. This is also the only place where I could vent about that kinda stuff.

P.S. On a positive note, I've lost a few pounds since I quit drinking. That progress and the fact that I reminded myself I'd never make the gym in the morning was all that kept me together tonight

suki44883

You poured it out? YAY!!!! ((((HUGS))))

:ghug3

tommyk

I'm impressed.

Great insight, good move with the whiskey.

You will do just fine. Life on life's terms will rear it's illogical 'unfair' head occasionally, but you are showing you have the good sense to overcome the frustration.

Horselover

Chris,

You deserve applause!! You did a great job. Dumping it must have been very hard, but cathartic and tomorrow when you wake up you will be so glad you didn't relapse. The alcohol doesn't improve things for me. My bad times intensify and my good times are numbed by it. Sorry life is harsh now, but am glad you are dealing with it and have gotten by this pothole in the road.

Congratulations!!!

flgirl

Chris,

Great job pouring it down the drain!! Good for you!!

mle-sober

Chris,

You did such a wise thing pouring that whiskey out. You sat and looked at it and took control of your life. And I think you make a good point when you express how easy it is to go from feeling confident and breezy about sobriety to suddenly gripped with an urge to drink. I think it's so important to always remain vigilent but at the same time be able to move through live with a sense of pleasure. We can't be constantly fearful and anxious about drinking. We deserve to be proud of our sober time. But we can't completely let down our guard. Your story illustrates that so well. Thank you.

I also think that SR is partly so helpful because we have a place to vent, as you said. I am glad you vented. I know I need to or I get all tangled up in my thoughts and I think I risk my sobriety if I don't keep thinking things through and saying them outloud (or typing them here).

So, good job. And thanks for sharing.

- MLE

tesquizito

Rockstar move, good going!!

CarolD

Yes you made a wise decision when you dumped the booze.
And another when you came to us with your vent.

Forward we go...side by side...

PupMum

It is lucky drains can't develop drinking problems given the amount that gets poured down them by people on here!!!

Tazman53

Pouring it down the sink was an awesome move, congrats.

Chris I thought that way for a lot of years, quitting was easy for me, I kept going back to drinking because I kept thinking "I got it under control now, I can have a few and if the problem shows up again I will just quit again" I kept repeating that cycle for about 5 years and then suddenly it had me!!!!

I could no longer "just quit", I had crossed that invisible line into full blow alcoholism, I physically and mentally had to drink every day just to simply function.

Folks like me are why there are recovery programs, simply stopping drinking does not work for alcoholics like me, I had to change me in order to stay stopped!

When I would stop drinking that was all I did, I was still the same exact person thinking and acting the same way I always did, simply not drinking. This always led me back to drinking.

Once I got into a program of recovery and started working on me and changing me is when I found a way to stay stopped.