He's gonna lose his job!
Recovering Nicely
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 935
He's gonna lose his job!
I posted this over in the alcoholics section as well. Just wanted to let you all know it finally happened, just as I thought it would. Saw it coming down the pike but figured it wasn't gonna happen. AH kept going to work drunk and leaving early (he drinks from 7 a.m) and after numerous warnings, his supervisor told him today that he's suspended w/out pay for the remainder of the week to get his act together. Know what AH says about that to me??? That it's not a problem if he loses his job (our main source of income to pay mortgage and bills, plus he gets matching 401k and profit sharing), he'll just work at the golf course and get a small winter job (that is what he did many years ago, before we married or had anything, when he was an active A, then he went to rehab and stayed sober over 14 years, got this job, bought a house, had a savings acct, money, etc.). I told him I won't go backwards and will not full time or two jobs to pay our bills while he sits around getting drunk, so I told him that if he didn't get his act together, I'm done. Know his response? "Well 23 years babe, it's been a great ride", and out the door he went to go drinking and driving somewhere. Guess he's hopeless, huh? Guess my HP is really sending me a sign now! Can't ignore that one. Thanks for listening.
Good for you for not accepting his 'offer'. You have a lot of strength and courage - good luck!
Recovering Nicely
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 935
Anvilhead, I love that question! It needs to be asked. I am gonna try and get a good night's sleep (I always function better that way) and then I have to come up w/a plan. But I will! I think I'm in survival mode now, and I do thank my HP for this "push". Any ideas are welcome!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Riverton, Utah
Posts: 48
WoW!! Great posts! Attitude of Gratitude, it does sound like your HP is really opening your eyes and heart. You are taking it all just as you should though, gather your strength, with a good nights sleep and with a clear mind start building YOUR life.
Much love and good energy to you babe!!!
Wendy
Much love and good energy to you babe!!!
Wendy
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Originally Posted by anvilhead 
well i'd start with the most basic level of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs:
Air
Water
Food
Shelter
etc
and what steps do you need to take to secure those things?
that leads directly to the second level:
Protection
Security
Order
Limits
Stability
etc
Air
Water
Food
Shelter
etc
and what steps do you need to take to secure those things?
that leads directly to the second level:
Protection
Security
Order
Limits
Stability
etc
This is very good advice and an excellent start to a plan. But, I would add that the plan still needs to happen regardless of whether he loses his job or not. A's have an uncanny ability to squirm out of consequences just in the nick of time to save their own hide. I could see that happening here. Then QT goes back to waiting and hoping things will somehow get better.
Don't do it! Make your plan, take your life back. Don't make it a reaction to whatever is happening with him. Make it an action for you and your life. If you don't, you will continue to live like a puppet with him yanking the strings........................
L
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
Originally Posted by queenteree
Guess my HP is really sending me a sign now! Can't ignore that one..
this is a great realization for you. seems like the writing has been on the wall for a long time.
It will sure feel better when you can focus on other things besides this alcoholic's condition.
it also sounds like you can now stop trying to make agreements and come to mutual understandings with him which always lead to disappointment, frustration, sadness and anger.
soon, you will feel grateful and liberated rather than oppressed.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: pa
Posts: 260
My AH losing his job was the beginning of the end for us.
He sat around and drank or slept while I was at work. Three months later he went to jail I got a restraining order and he never lived with us again.
Maybe this is a good thing for you QT, as the others said make a plan.
Just when you think things couldn't get any worse they do.
God Bless.....
He sat around and drank or slept while I was at work. Three months later he went to jail I got a restraining order and he never lived with us again.
Maybe this is a good thing for you QT, as the others said make a plan.
Just when you think things couldn't get any worse they do.
God Bless.....
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
Queenteree:
It looks like, by your posting and the replies, that you are at a point where you are just wanting to protect yourself financially, emotionally, spiritually, every which way.
But, if I may, let me add this side of this. This is also the making of a crisis for your husband. Yes, protect yourself because the rollercoaster ride has started and it won't be over for a while. But, at some time in the near future, your husband's "binge" is going to end - and at that point he may be receptive to the idea of getting help in the form of rehab or something similar. When his binge is done, he may be approaching you to give him another chance with the promises, etc. That may be a time for you to say, in some form, 'Honey, reconciling with you is not the answer to your dilemma - remember, we've tried that before many times and it just led back to where you are now. You have a problem with drugs/alcohol, and you need help. Here's some phone numbers i've found for some rehabs, here's a list of local AA/NA meetings. I want you to know i love you and will help you in whatever way i can if you choose to address your drug/alcohol problem through rehab/12-Step, etc. But i cannot let you come back to me because I know from experience that will just help you to continue drinking/drugging, and above all things i want to see you not live that way anymore."
Hope that helps. I know, from experience, that you may not have the mental strength to be there - and, believe me, i understand that. I could not do that for my now ex-husband because the responsibilities he left me with were so overwhelming.
Sojourner
It looks like, by your posting and the replies, that you are at a point where you are just wanting to protect yourself financially, emotionally, spiritually, every which way.
But, if I may, let me add this side of this. This is also the making of a crisis for your husband. Yes, protect yourself because the rollercoaster ride has started and it won't be over for a while. But, at some time in the near future, your husband's "binge" is going to end - and at that point he may be receptive to the idea of getting help in the form of rehab or something similar. When his binge is done, he may be approaching you to give him another chance with the promises, etc. That may be a time for you to say, in some form, 'Honey, reconciling with you is not the answer to your dilemma - remember, we've tried that before many times and it just led back to where you are now. You have a problem with drugs/alcohol, and you need help. Here's some phone numbers i've found for some rehabs, here's a list of local AA/NA meetings. I want you to know i love you and will help you in whatever way i can if you choose to address your drug/alcohol problem through rehab/12-Step, etc. But i cannot let you come back to me because I know from experience that will just help you to continue drinking/drugging, and above all things i want to see you not live that way anymore."
Hope that helps. I know, from experience, that you may not have the mental strength to be there - and, believe me, i understand that. I could not do that for my now ex-husband because the responsibilities he left me with were so overwhelming.
Sojourner
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: looking for the sun in cold MN
Posts: 775
(((QT)))- Somehow things are happening around you, and you've probably had that gut feeling that things were going to have to happen on your part too. I'm with the others- take action! Don't wait for what he does to dictate what you do. Figure out what you want for you. You are a strong woman- I have followed your story for the past 6 months or so, and I'm always amazed by your strength. Now- use that strength on yourself. . . You are wasting it on him.
Recovering Codependant
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
Teree,
I see those big flashing neon lights calling you to look to yourself now. When my exabf lost his job it was only a month or two until I ended it. It definately sped up the process for me.
I hope you can sort out some kind of plan for yourself, I know you worry about where to live as places are so expensive by you. Could you perhaps stay with a son as a temporary measure?
Thinking of you and sending strentgh across the airways....:hugs:
Lots of love
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I see those big flashing neon lights calling you to look to yourself now. When my exabf lost his job it was only a month or two until I ended it. It definately sped up the process for me.
I hope you can sort out some kind of plan for yourself, I know you worry about where to live as places are so expensive by you. Could you perhaps stay with a son as a temporary measure?
Thinking of you and sending strentgh across the airways....:hugs:
Lots of love
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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