wenchris

Much condensed version of life: It is the third day since we have custody of my three week old born addicted to opiates grandson and my two year old grandson. Monday morning my son's girlfriend went to court for her role in being charged with child endangerment and both my son and his his girlfriend tested positive for multiple substances. I am 53 years old and my husband is 55. This feels like shell shock, our youngest daughter graduated from high school last Sunday. Today we will have a meeting in my home with the state workers. The girlfriend is being allowed to see the babies at the meeting but the only other contact allowed is a 2 minute phone callonce daily to the two year old. Yesterday my son checked himself into a detox program so he cannot be here, somehow that gave me energy and hope. What do I do with hope and opiate addiction. Looks like I need you all again.

splendra

I am glad these babies have their grandma. At least they have a chance at a normal life now. ((((((BIGHUGS)))))and prayers going out for you and your family.

wenchris

please don't think I don't love them or want them but I am scared. I dont know how long I can do this, they only have a year and the babies will never be returned to them. OMG I hope the day comes soon when I don't have to work not to break down in front of them

Jewelz

wenchris, of course you love your grandbabies!! Be proud of yourself you took these little babies in your home instead of putting them in a foster home. I have a question do they have you down as a foster mother? Because if they do you are entitled to payments by the state a lot of times they dont tell relatives that they are entitled to money for caring the child. It would be called kinship foster parent. Ask them about this at your next meeting.

I believe you could do this wenchris... take it one day at a time.. you have our support and prayers.

Hugs,
jewelz

dixied

I don't post too often but I want to say how proud I am of you and I can only imagine how overwhelmed you must feel right now. I think if you have a special friend or someone you could ask to come in and relieve you a bit or even have a cup of coffee would help and I wouldn't feel bad about asking. As much as we try to take on all these responsibilities none of us have super powers.. we are just average decent people who have been dealt a blow we didn't expect. You are doing the very best you can. If your daughter is still at home get her to help give you a little breathing space.
As far as your meeting ask the social workers what kind of help you can and cannot expect from them. Find out what resources are available to you. You certainly deserve all the assistance you can get.
I know people a lot smarter than me will come along to offer additional advice but let me stress that your character is shining through and I, for one, admire you. sincerely, dixied

notsleepingwell

((((wenchris))))

Just hugs for what you are doing. Those kids are sooo lucky to have grandparents that stepped up when their own parents could not.

It's a tough road raising your grandkids. I have custody of my grandson as well. Some days it seems soooo hard....but most...well, you just have to see those little faces....
NSW

Privet

Is there anyone who can help you take care of the babies? Is there anyway to find an au pair or nanny? Someone to take some of the feedings for 7-8 hours, so you can rest? What about a good neighbor, a sister or brother?

Having a baby is hard work, when mine came home from the hospital, I was exhausted all the time! I sure could have used some help. Don't worry, it gets easier! When you see them healthy and happy, you will know it was worth it.

Hang in there! The night feedings will stop soon! If you're lucky, then you will have no more night feedings at 3 months, like my daughter.

Take them out for a walk. Get a second hand stroller for the baby, if you don't have one already. I would send you mine, but I'm in Germany! Show the little one kitties, and flowers, puppies, etc. Get them out, and have fun with them. It is rewarding.

Privet

Oh, by the way, is there any baby stuff you need? Maybe we can take up a collection...bottles, clothes, toys, etc...

cece1960

((((wenchris))))
If I could point out another option...even if it doesn't feel "right", right this moment.
You do not HAVE to take the children. They can be accepted into foster care, and you could be the loving doting grandma and papap you were both meant to be.
I have a three year old grandbaby, and even as I type this I don't know if I could do what I am suggesting, but I also wonder if I could do what you are doing.
Think about all of your options, and what you and your husband are capable of doing right now. I doesn't mean forever, just right now.
I'll keep the whole family in my prayers during this difficult time.
(((Hugs)))

rahsue

I'm so happy you were able to get your grandkids. stay strong and hopefully things will work out for the best.


prayers and hugs

CarolD

I'd be asking for a DNA test on both children
before I devoted 18.20 years raising them.

I am suspicious old woman because...
2 of my Grandson's were ready to jump into marriage
when girl friends announced they were having their baby.
Turns out the girls were mistaken . Whew!

Prayers for all of you involved in this situation.

serenityqueen

cece said what I was thinking.

Of course you love you Grandbabies and want what is best for them.

You may have to put them into foster care for the time being. A three week old baby who was born addicted has more needs than a baby who wasn't born with any problems. And we all know how hard it is to keep up with a two year old. That in itself is a full time, round the clock job.


If you decide to give this a shot, there also are many agencies that you should be able to get help from just as others have mentioned. Definately find out how to get the money from the state as other foster parents would be getting.You need this money to buy the things little ones need including diapers, formula, baby food, . . . You should also be able to get a medical card which will pay for all of their medical needs.

If you attend a Church, I would definately contact them for help. Even if you don't belong to a Church, get out the phone book and call Churchs in your neighborhood. I imagine you could get help with everything from material things you may need for the little ones to some relief baby sitters on occassions.

Whatever you decide to do, remember. . . it's your decision. There is no law written that you have to raise these children for a short time or an indefinate period of time. I would let your Son know that he will be expected to do whatever the courts will allow him to do when he gets out of detox. I don't think I would let him just take the kids. He's going to be overwhelmed with what he needs to do in order to remain clean once he is out of detox. Would him staying at your home be out of the question?

I'll will keep you and everyone involved in my Prayers. Just remember, it's your decision and to have Faith that everything will work out.

God Bless,
Judy

mooselips

(((wenchris)))
Hugs to you, sweetie.
I fully understand where you're coming from. I am 57, almost 58, and I know for sure it would take a whole lot of energy to raise children all over again.
And right now, for me, I'm not sure it would even be an option, since Mr. Moose is not in the best of shape...(hopefully it's temporary)

But anyway, check out your options, perhaps foster care? You could have them on weekends? There may be plenty of options out there if you look? And hopefully someone in Social service can answer all these questions for you.

My heart hurts for you, it's such an awful decision. We THINK because we're the grandmom we are obligated to care for them, but there are other things to take into consideration also. It's not at all being selfish.

Hugs, and hugs, and hugs...

devastated

I am so sorry for these babies; however, they are so lucky to have you and their grandpa. I'm sure it must seem overwhelming to you right now, but I'll bet in a few months they'll have to wrestle you to take them anywhere.

Although I know it's quite a bit different being with a child 24 hours a day, I'm 68 and started babysitting for three children when I was 56. They were 2, 4, and 3 months. I sat each day Mon thru Friday for 8 hours. I babysat every other Saturday too. What happened here was Mr. Dev and I became so attached to the baby, and her to us, that it was so hard to move away. She is going to be 13 in a few days and she is still the love of our life.

Wish I lived close to you, I would help you with those precious ones. Darn the fact that they have to start their little lives like this. Thank the Lord for you and Mr. Wenchris.

It is difficult when you get older, but they really do keep you young. Bet your 15-year old loves those babies.

I do think you are entitled to some monetary help though. It costs a lot of money to raise children.

God Bless you for doing this. I know it wasn't something you planned for your retirement. Hopefully it'll all work out for the best.

Hugs, Devastated

Josie

Hi Wendy...

The meeting will give you many more answers. I'm so glad
you have a husband and daughter to help you out.

In 2006 my son and Gf were arrested and CPS took my then 2 year old granddaughter. I went thru the legal loopholes and brought her home with me where she lived the next 14 months.

So in the that 14 months the Mom had to prove herself as
fit, was court ordered into a drug program and drug tested.
My role was to comply as a "foster parent" and make sure my
granddaughter was at every visit. Her worker came by
and checked on her once a month to make sure she was
thriving in my home.

My son lost all his rights to the baby
along with his freedom.

But the good news is they closed the GF's case May 20th and she has regained full custody of the kids. So this too can happen in your
case.

I wish you well and good luck.

And sending my prayers too.

wenchris

Thank you for all the wonderful responses. The TEAM came today and had a lengthy discussion. This has been followed up by numerous phone calls from the girlfriend-Mom and I will need to place limits on this right away. In answer to questions, we will get $150 a month for the boys and their daycare will be paid for so that we can keep working. Getting the babe through his symptoms and sleeping four hours or more will be a battle well won. It is nice to hear others do not condem me for having reservations as well as hearing that we are not unique. The support is needed and heard. Thank You

LucyA

Best of luck wenchris,
it's a hard job taking on someone elses child even if they are family. Take all the help you can get, especially from the authorities because you're doing them a big favour too by keeping the children out of the system and saving them money. I know it's not all about money, but it helps a lot, so take what you can get for the kids. And take what help you can get for yourself too.

brentsgirl

I ran a fairly large child care center in a low income area for 7 years. There, we had quite a few children being raised by their grandparents. Even if you are not considered a "foster parent", you are still entitled to paid childcare, medicaid for the children and possibly clothing and other monies from the state. Ask your case worker about WIC for the children as well. They provide, formula, milk, cheese, peanut butter to children under age 5, I believe. In addition, look to see if there is something called Birthright in your area. They are an organization that helps low income families and young mothers with items that are donated. You should be able to get everything necessary there- crib, toddler bed, stroller, clothing, shoes, even toys! I am not exactly sure what they require you show to prove the children are in your care, but I am sure they can explain everything and even if they are not in your area, they may be able to steer you in the right direction.

Don't be afraid to ask for help. Friends, neighbors, etc. Although it will be a difficult road, especially in the beginning, I think you are an angel for giving those two babies a safe, secure and loving home. Kudos to you Grandma!!!!

wenchris

The good news is the babies are both sleeping and my house is 50% normal. The bad news is the babies are both sleeping and I did not get a nap and they are going to be up very late. How in the world do I remember to do all this?????? I think I can get a Family Medical Leave for this, do you know if that is true?

patchoulli

I have had my 2 1/2 year old grandson since feb. Had him last year for 3 months due to my daughters drug/drinking, this time, she has parenting classes, AA,NA,mental health, etc and will not be able to apply to get him for at least a year...I love him, I am exhausted...Im a 50 year old,single woman. MY hobby is motorcycling, Iwork a full time job, and I love to go to meetings. My mom will take him on weekends{thank god}, and day care is paid for thank god. My daughter can see him but it is supervised[no help]. weekends, I usually work a few hours and then cut my grass, wash the floors and ride my bike with my friends, hitting at least 2 meetings for my own sanity. I am working on resentment, I practice gratitude every day, my grandson even repeats the lines"thank you god for giving me Xander, he is the best boy ever"... I love him, I would die for him, and I am grateful that he is safe, but I mourn for my own life back...I don't say this to anyone because I know how it sounds...I sound selfish, I have been called that by my mom and my older daughter...I will do my best for him, he is a joy, but it is a lot to handle...I do understand...it is one day at a time...bless you