abcdefg

I have had a really hard day and there is a lot going on with me.

But something is going on alongside the things I am dealing with and I'm beginning to suspect that I may be feeling sorry for myself.

This is not one of my major M.O.'s and I'm sort of looking for precise ES&H for how you get yourself out of it.

Is there ever an appropriate time/way to feel sorry for one's self?

I don't really have a lot of practice with it. My (formidable) character defects tend to run the other end of the spectrum. In a way, it's recovery that I may feel sorry for myself. It's the kind of thing I would have never "allowed" because I don't have time for that kind of crap... I don't know if I'm explaining this well or at all but if anyone is following me here, I'd appreciate some insight.

I don't want to wallow in self-pity. How do you know the difference and what do you do about it?

AWEDA

I share your wonder about this also.
We don't have to be strong everyday.
I beleive in feeling your feelings, just don't get stuck there.
I also tend to feel sorry for myself around my time of the month!
Every day we grow.

Barbara52

When I get struck with times of feeling sorry for myself, I allow myself some short period of time to feel it and then make myself stop, usually by examining just why I am feeling that way and finding where my "victimhood" is residing. For me it usually is some form of victimhood, feeling that someone or the world is misusing me. Hey, sometimes things just aren't fair and it feels bad. So I acknowledge the feeling and then move on. With practice, its not hard.

good_luck

I'm with Barbara. I just give myself some time to feel sorry for myself. It may not be rational, or helpful, or how I want to live my life, but sometimes it just has to be done.
So I like to set aside a set amount of time to just indulge in the patheticness before I move onto more noble pursuits.

Be compassionate towards yourself -- it's the hardest, best thing.

abcdefg

I appreciate these responses. I think I'll take the suggestion to indulge for a spell and then make myself stop (or get the hell out of the way so my HP can stop it). Nothing else seems to be working.

GiveLove

abc,

In situations like these, I cut myself some slack too....with limits.

I'll say to myself, you have 'til (x day, x week, etc.) to wallow in self-pity 'til the cows come home, but at that point you need to pick yourself up and knock it off.

Take that with a grain of salt self-pity feels profoundly uncomfortable to me, weird and wasteful. But I don't mind feeling sorry for myself for a while, until it's time to take a deep breath, admit that life doesn't come with iron-clad guarantees, and move on. You'll know when that point is for you. 'Til then, treat yourself tenderly.

splendra

You know something sometimes I feel a need to apologize to myself sometimes. When I feel sorry for myself I know I owe me a apology for something; usually not standing up for myself in some manor or another.

I have let many things slide to try and keep the peace and do what everyone else wants me especially with my H and my family.

The best thing about feeling sorry for myself is the amends I get to make to me

peaceteach

I know I built up such a shell against feelings when living with an addicted loved one, just to protect myself. What may have appeared formidable was really a woman who was coping against incredible odds. Now that you have allowed yourself to regain some peace and serenity in recovery, perhaps you are better equipped at handling emotion. I say roll with it, indulge, cry, rent a sad girly movie, eat chocolate, and chalk it up to one bad day. We are allowed those Hugs to you, Abcdefg. I'm sorry I cant do more than offer you a cyber-shoulder, sweetie

lexusgirl

I don't have a lot of advice to offer you abc. I think everyone above has given you so much great insight and advice.

I just wanted to stop by and give you a (((hug)))

You're doing awesome!!:ghug3

PHIZ007

I agree with all the advice above......you ae allowed a fall now and again.....indulge...for a while....then pick yourself up......dust yourself off.....and on your go to a brighter happier road ahead. I wish you the best....
I am currently dusting myself off today aswell.......after a small fall.....
Phil

NYC_Chick

(((abc))) Sorry you are having a bad time. I don't have any good advice except to let yourself feel whatever it is you are feeling and let it pass.