Mair

Hi All i thought i'd let you all know how im getting on. I was going to post this last week but ive been very busy. but the last few days have been interesting to say the least.

Ended my relationship with Peter my A in January after years of crazy living. Took the advise of my friends here in SR and decided that no contact would be the only way. It was probably the hardest thing that i have ever had to do, but the rewards have been enourmous.

I have decided to take 12 months before even thinking of having a relationship, at the moment i am untrusting of any man, and value my own space, sometimes im happy with this, but now and again i feel lonley and would love to have someone to share my life. In this time i have discovered me and am now able to concentrate on my issues i am severly CODEPENDANT!!!

I have made lots of plans for the future, im taking my daughters to Italy, been to a few concerts, reunited with friends, my life is good.

If i had posted this last week i would have told you all that my life is also peaceful, Peter pops into my mind every now and again i dont have feelings of hatered for him, i still love him i suppose, but I have taken my rose tinted glasses off and have accepted that the fantasy of having a happy health life with him is never going to happen.

As most of you here know, it takes a long time to get to this stage, it really is like a process that we all have to go through.

Then out of the blue after 5 months of no contact my mobile rings, unkown number so i answer it and it's Peter. I felt physically sick, but was able to hold a conversation with him although anyone who saw me would wonder why i was shaking so much.

Ok to get to the point sorry guys!! this is what he said to me.
"Hi, how you doing?
I said "fine, You?
"Not to good ive broken two ribs, i fell and im in agony had one to many"
"sorry to hear that"
"hows the girls blah blah"

Then came the corker
"Its' my birthday Friday" (06 06 60 dodgy date of birth.)
"Yes, I know
"Well i just thought i'd let you know im in court on Friday and it looks like they'll send me to prison this time, I hit a policeman. I'll probably get a few months, but when i come out im going to rent the house out to holday makers and Im off to Spain to live and sort my life out"
I replied
"Oh, Peter you fool your 48 (this is when i stopped and thought codie talk)
I hope you'll find what you want in Spain, and i hope the judge will be leanient on Friday, good luck, i have to go back to work, bye

So my friends my peace has been shaken but not broken, and ive walked a few steps back, wow he knows me so so well, he knows that this news will hurt and worry me. Six months ago i would have run to his side and enabled him to death.

But what he doesnt know is how STRONG i have become, this is a little set back in my recovery Ive had a long hard cry for the man who once was a brilliant human being and let it go.

So how am i doing? Im doing just fine.

Love to you all

Mair
xx

GiveLove

Hi Mair! So good to hear, er, read, your voice again.

I'm sorry this has happened.

But I have to say this: I don't see where you've taken a step back at all.

You made a decision and honored it. You tried to maintain your no-contact and he had to deceive you in order to get through (my XABF did the same recently - faked a phone number in order to get through and try to stick a knife of sympathy in a bit)

You started down the path of codie worry but stopped yourself quick enough.

You did not fly to his side to rescue him from his own stupid actions.

You cried with grief for the world's loss of a person to alcohol, a person who was once good and brilliant. (Truthfully, the world hasn't yet lost him, he's just going to jail because he broke the law. That's not fatal.)

Which one of these things is not right, and human, and good behavior for someone working hard at her own recovery? Your strength is truly showing. I'm in awe.

From this girl's perspective, you are doing just fine. I'm so sorry you're in pain. Don't begrudge yourself these tears though....they will help to heal the wound that he's opened again.

:ghug3

Mair

Thanks GiveLove you know what it never fails to amaze me how sick Peter really is when he pulls these stunts. I have to say that months ago i would feel like a failure if i cried for him, but your so right tears really do help to heal wounds and it puts a closure on things.

Nice to talk to you again.xx

Mair

cmc

Ditto to what GiveLove said. I don't see how having natural emotions is a setback...especially when your actions are consistent with how you are now choosing to

live. Thanks for showing us how recovery works.

Sweetiepie1

Dw i heb dy weld ti ers talwrn!

I can understand that this has shaken you but it sounds as though you handled it really well.

Pob dymuniad da XXX

(I don't speak Welsh but thought the cut and paste job might raise a smile)

i4getsm

I am seriously in awe of you. No you did not take "steps" back. Rock on! Seriously. I am not there yet because I could feel myself getting anxious just reading what he told you. Clearly I have work to do.

LaTeeDa

I just love reading stories like this. You are a shining example of what recovery means. It doesn't mean doing everything perfectly or never having sad thoughts or negative emotions. It means doing what's best for you and taking care of the most important person in your life--you.

Recovery looks great on you Mair!

L

Pajarito

Love to see this- I need it today. And am so glad to hear you're doing well. I was feeling stronger recently and then had a very tense conversation last night with AH. I was strong outwardly, but a shaking child inside. After he left I did cry for a while- and felt like I'd had a huge setback. Now I see/feel that it's not a setback. I can't be perfect- no one can. But I have come far- like you have. 9 months ago when he left I would have been a sobbing mess in front of him. Instead- I stood strong, was firm and let myself go after he left. Sometimes it's moments like this that remind me I'm getting better- no matter how hard it seems at times. I'm so glad you checked in to let us know how you are.

Mair

Da iawn Sweetie

Mair

I4gets, you will get where i am, i felt anxious too. 6 months ago i would have ran to his side, now i think before i act I play the scenario in my head and know that it would be a terrible mistake.

Keep working on YOU and you will get what you deserve. A happy life.

Mair

Mair

Hi Pajarito
Thanks for your reply, it means a lot to me, it seems we are both at the same place, and whatever comes our way we will make it. Your right we are not perfect but we are human. And if i want to cry then i will. And when i want to laugh i will.
Getting stronger feels good doesnt it.

Mair xx