desysmommie

Hi everybody! Just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Jennifer (21) and I have an alcohlic bf William (36). We have a 18 month old daughter Destiny. She is my whole world! Me and William have been together for almost 3 years (in December) and for the majority of the time he's been drinking heavily! It wasn't until I gave birth to Destiny that I really saw how bad his drinking had gotten. The time before that he drank but I couldn't cause I was pregant. And now looking back on it, he drank horribly then too but I guess since I joined him I didn't notice it! Well I gave birth to Destiny and he REALLY started drinking. He winded up losing his job cause he told his boss off. Well he just started going to AA again. He's got a 7 year chip (about 7 years ago) Anyways he is working on his soberity but he is just so hateful and angry and it's driving me up the wall. He hates the way "I talk to him" But I don't really talk to him anyway! I've figered out about a month ago from a chat board that I didn't cause I can't cure it and I can't control it But God it's just so hard to detach. I can't really go to meetings because the Al-anon group around me doesn't allow children in. I don't trust him at all to leave my daughter with him. I feel if I did that then I would feel like a bad mom. So the only meetings that I go to our online! I don't have any literature or even a sponser. I just feel so alone. He got mad at me last night cause I wouldn't go to the lake with him. But in my mind, everytime that I start getting close to him he turns around and gets drunk. I didn't want to put myself in that situation to get my heart broke once again! I just feel like I did the wrong thing by not going with him. He has been pissed at me since and so hateful! I can't even come in the room without his smart a$$ remarks that he makes. It's like he's looking to fight with me, but I'm so tired of fighting. I just want a normal life with a normal bf who understand, respects, and loves me.

Anyways, that's the longest post that I've ever made on a message board before! Just wanted to say "Hi"

Debbie

Hi Jennifer!!

Welcome to the forums! You will find this great place for comfort and support. Take a look around and make yourself at home!!

I am sure others will be around to welcome you also!

Take care.
Many hugs,
Debbie

liddy

Hi Jennifer and welcome !

You have alot going on with this guy of yours.
You have surely heard about taking care of yourself.
Alanon has gotten me through the darkest of times
and continues to help me grow.If it is totaly
impossible to get to a meeting you can call the alanon
listing in your phone book, there are lists of people who
can get in touch with you and do phone meetings or
come in person, its not a time to be alone and you are not
alone when you reach out. Coming here can help so much but for me I also need that f2f.

Hugs
lidd

trish

Jennifer,
I can definately relate to the part about not trusting our alcoholic spouses. Ya know...we always hear horror stories about abuse or neglect but just never think it will happen to us.
Yesterday, I was cleaning up my yard and my husband had my 3 year old in the pool (only 3 ft. deep) As I continued to do my work, my husband came over and asked me something. After we talked for a few minutes and he went to the backyard again, WHAM, it hit me. Where the hell was the baby. I raced to the back and asked him if he left the baby in the pool alone. The stupid, ignorant a** told me that it was only for a minute. We all know it only takes a second to drown. I told him how irresponsible he was and that I will reward him by never leaving him alone with the baby again.
Now I know that what I said was harsh but, this is not the first incident regarding him and my kids. When I am cooking dinner and he has them out front, he lets the baby stray without getting right up and bringing him back. And many other things that always get us into a screaming match. I will rarely leave them alone with him and when I do...it is alway early in the morning when he is sober. Just for like and hour to do shopping. But most of the time they come with me.
After last night, I am beginning to realize that my problems may be worse than I thought.

tiredbusymom

Welcome, Jennifer.
Do you have family or girlfriends you can leave Destiny with? Maybe since Wm. is working on sobriety, this could be a good time for him to watch the baby for an hour or so. Sometimes these kinds of responsibilities are good for the dad. I know that it is scary to entrust the children with someone who is not always responsible. If he loves her enough to try to straighten himself up, he could probably handle an hour or two.

constant

Hey Jennifer,

Make yourself at home......we all have similar stories and this is a great place to find the support that we all need.

I can relate to being unsure or afraid to leave your child with him. That is something that only you can decide if he is capable or ready to do. I would be more in favor of the idea of a friend or relative to help you out. I would have to disagree with tiredand busymom on this one.......his love for his daughter has nothing to do with him staying sober and responsible while he is watching her.

Keep posting here Jennifer and read the power posts at the top of the board.......You can do it, even without a face to face meeting. I myself have never been and have come a long way from last year.....again you can do it.

Constant

tiredbusymom

Constant is right. I was thinking that while I was typing, but let it go. However, if he is responsible(you didn't really say) and sober, let him watch her. If not, reach out to family and friends. They can be a great suppot system.

desysmommie

Sorry for not saying if he was responisble or not. In my eyes he isn't. He can't even take care of himself so how can he take care of her. My family lives to far away for them to really help! I'm sure that they wouldn't mind though!

I completly agree with Constant. She's been in his life now for 18 months and his drinking just seems to be getting worse.

He is so angry all the time that I HATE to be around him. He makes sure he reminds me everyday that I don't have anything but the clothes in my closet. But I remind him everyday that I have so much more. I don't have to depend on alcohol to get me through the day or to help me sleep. I also have the love of my daughter. She is really a momma's girl! She won't even really go around him anymore. When he comes home drunk she looks at him and says, "No No Daddie" and then turns around walks to her room and then shuts the door. That's sad. He thinks that I'm brainwashing her. Of course he has no reason to think that it's really HIM doing that to her not me. But he can't see that.

In my eyes I honestly think that he's just dry not sober. He doesn't even pay any attention to us. He hasn't even been home since Friday and hasn't even called to see if we are ok. That's sad that something has such a STRONG hold on him. He hasn't been to a meeting in a few days either. I know this cause his sponser has called him everyday including today to see where he is!

lyn_blossom78

Welcome! This is a wonderful place to be with lots and lots of wisdom and support.

There are some power posts at the top of the forum. Reading them will give you a wealth of information. I highly recommend it.

Take care of yourself, and your daughter.

Lyn